jmgoyder

One of the things I’ve learned over the last year or so is that I don’t need to do anything, go somewhere, think of an activity, plan an event, force Anthony to converse, figure out how to get loved ones to visit him more, stress myself wretched with ideas of how to make his life better … I just have to be there.

So that is what I do now – an undoing really – a breath-saving realisation of how simple it is. I sit next to this beautiful husband of mine, with my hand on his shoulder, or stroking his head, watching television, talking about the past, sharing secrets, rejoicing in our son, Ming, smiling at each other, joking about silly things ….

We are so conditioned to do, do, do! It is such a great relief to simply be there, to embrace the long stretches of silence when Anthony is dozing, to quietly rejoice in the fact that our love has not been diminished by his disease, to just be.