wings and things

How to apologize?

The reason I have added a question mark to the title of this post is because I don’t know the answer in general. I only know my own way of apologizing, which is pretty much to roll in the dirt, say I am sorry over and over, and kiss the toes of people I don’t particularly like or understand anymore, hoping for some sort of forgiveness or reconciliation.

But there is something fundamentally skewed about this kind of apology because it implies guilt (mine – i.e. it is all my fault) and it also gives the person apologized to a very good reason to keep hold of his/her grudge, whatever it is. Sometimes that grudge has nothing to do with the present but has everything to do with the past and, when the past has somehow become toxic, you know you have a problem.

Ming and I were talking about all of this philosophical stuff today, after a fantastic lunch out with Ants and Meg, and we came to the conclusion that there were three ways to apologize and forgive: (1) Blip it, move on, act normal and civil, forget the hurtful things said/felt; or (2) Talk it through, be honest even if it means tears and/or recriminations, and tell me what the hell I have done that has hurt you so much; or (3) Distance.

Give me distance any day!

Sometimes Anthony imagines or hallucinates about past family conflicts and I have to reassure him that everything is okay now. I hate that he remembers incidents that are best forgotten and I hate that he forgets all is well now.

I always want to talk through these kinds of relationship conflicts – always! I want to put it all on the table, so to speak, but I am usually on my own because nobody wants to get into the nitty gritty of what the hell is wrong here, and nobody seems to want to apologize back!


I am so sick of saying I am sorry!


Apologizing to a microwave

Now that Ming is living in his renovated shed (which, by the way, is much more spacious than our house!) I am mostly alone. Of course I am out most days, visiting Anthony, or bringing him home, or taking him out, or running errands, or visiting friends but most of the time I’m home alone.

Don’t get me wrong – I actually love being alone and always have. I never feel lonely, have lots of fantastic friends and family that I see regularly and Ming wanders over from his shed frequently (in search of food!) So being alone does not equate at all with being lonely – well not for me anyway.

However, my aloneness was brought into sharp focus this morning when the microwave beeped for the third time (rather impatiently I thought) to tell me that my coffee was ready. I rushed over to it, saying “Sorry, sorry!” Then, as I took my coffee out, I said, “Thanks!”

It was only as I took my first sip that I realized what I’d done, and couldn’t stop laughing.

You will be relieved to know that the microwave didn’t answer me.


Commenting carefully

The other day I was terribly upset to read a post by a blogger friend that indicated she’d been hurt by someone’s comment. Since I had made a comment on her previous post, in which I’d suggested something, I was sure that I was the culprit.

So I commented again to apologize only to be reasssured that it wasn’t me. The relief was enormous but the experience taught me an important lesson and this is it:




I have just discovered that I made an unforgivable error in my post about Nicole Cody from when I blogged about her gift of the beautiful necklace to me. For some reason I had written Nicole Brody instead of Nicole Cody. I was very tempted to tell Nicole a white lie and say that I knew a Nicole Brody and that’s why I made the mistake, but then I remembered that she is psychic!

Anyway, as a way of making amends, I googled ‘Brody’ and one of the urban dictionary definitions was this:

A person you can’t help but love. Kind, loving, caring, and adorable.
And apparently, there is an expression: He/she is a brody (meaning that the person is a fantastic person).
In this sense, Nicole Cody is definitely a brody!
Here is another picture of the necklace she made for me in case you missed the previous post.
Thank you so much, again, Nicole!