jmgoyder

wings and things

Blogging update

I’m gradually (and unguiltily!) getting back to reading, and commenting on, other people’s blogs, and re-subscribing to those I have lost touch with. Like many other bloggers, I feel such gratitude for the community of friends I’ve connected with over the last three years. The fact that I can’t consistently keep up with everyone’s posts no longer bothers me and it is quite a relief to dip in and read when I can, comment if I want to, and not read any blogs if the day is too busy. Having said that, I am very appreciative of those friends who continue to give me their support and friendship. It has been an extremely difficult year for my family, but things are finally returning to normal, whatever that is.

Perhaps my blog-reading will, from now on, resemble the unpredictability of Ming hanging out the washing!

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The expression on Ming’s face here is exactly the same as when he sees his name in one of my blog posts – ha!

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Holiday

Ever since I began blogging, in November, 2011 (I had to go back to find this!) I have been amazed by the generosity of strangers, the friendships formed by commonalities, and the understanding when certain bloggers, like myself, just can’t keep up with those amazing, yet tenuous, friendships.

The fact that WordPress has gone a bit AWOL in terms of this blog (yes, I have contacted the Happiness engineer people) has actually given me time to reflect on what I really want to do here, on this blog:

1. Reading: Keep in better touch with blog friends, but don’t feel guilty if you can’t.
2. Writing: KISS (keep-it-simple-stupid!) – also, keep it short.
3. Photography: Learn from others.
4. Personal: If you are having a difficult time with the whole life thing, and you can’t blog, that is absolutely fine.

I so appreciate all of the blog support I have received from friends, relatives, bloggers and family, but I just cannot keep up at the moment and feeling bad not to have even answered comments! So yet another blog break is in order, so I can spend more time with Anthony and write my soon-to-be famous novel ha!

Nothing dramatic – just a little blog holiday.

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A bit like the weather

At the nursing home, Anthony was up and about this afternoon at about the same time he was in bed yesterday. He was lucid, mobile, vocal and quite jaunty.

To me, Dementia resembles the unpredictability of the weather, about which you can do nothing. The other day, a tree was uprooted and fell down during a storm; the next day it poured with rain; the next day it was bright sunshine; and today it is a bit of both.

There is nothing anyone can do about weather fluctuations – nothing. Forecasts can be wrong and often the weather will change drastically from what was expected to something totally different. A storm may shove a sunny day aside and vice versa. And there is nothing you can do about it. Nothing.

Dementia is like this in so many ways. One day, at exactly 10am, Anthony might be able to answer the phone and have a coherent conversation with me; the next day he might be unable to do either. Despite the careful timing of his PDD medications (just like I used to do at home), sometimes he has a huge appetite and other times he has forgotten how to eat. Sometimes he can almost run, using his walker and other times he can’t even take a single step and we have to get the wheelchair.

With over ten years of nursing experience up my sleeve, and a PhD about Alzheimer’s Disease, you would think that I’d have more understanding of the kind of nuances that occur when Dementia has climbed onto the back of another disease like Anthony’s Parkinson’s. And yet, every day is a surprise for me – sometime wonderful, sometimes awful, and sometimes in-between … a bit like the weather.

So what do you do when the weather isn’t what you expected?
You accept it of course, because you have no choice.

[Note to blogger friends: I am still not receiving email notifications of your posts so have been using the WP Reader. This is a much better way for me for the time being but I am not keeping up with you all and I apologize].

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Question: How many times do you begin again?

Answer: Every single day.

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Ming's Christmas present 2010 - 'Black beauty'

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Julie and Woody best

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EVERY
SINGLE
DAY

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Perfect!

Ming and I are going to Perth tomorrow to stay overnight with my niece and her husband in their new house and that’s the exciting part of the journey. The next day I have my first ever appointment with a skin specialist to suss out this pompholyx and, hopefully, get blood and allergy tests.

Unfortunately (and interestingly, having read a few blogposts about how hard it can be to keep up with blogposts) I will probably succumb to blog-fatigue. So, if you don’t see me on your blog, that is why. Also, Ming’s final (we hope!) court hearing is happening next Monday so this is a bit distracting too.

I took Anthony for a long drive on Sunday and it was a wonderful success; his new telephone is working for him better than the previous mobile; and I have rather belatedly discovered the secret to happiness in that it is something you create rather than wait for.

Oh! Ming just said he is auditioning for a part in some sort of production that requires a 20-year-old male with short hair who can deliver “a menacing look”.

Perfect!

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Blog blessings

I began blogging in November 2011, with no clear intention other than to write something every day, which I have for the most part. The subject matter meandered from birds to Anthony’s Parkinson’s disease, to Ming’s teenage-hood and scoliosis, to our personal struggles. I dabbled in novel and romance writing, briefly promoted my book about Alzheimer’s disease, attempted some poetry, began to write about Anthony’s and my love story, posted pictures, and generally wrote a whole lot of this-and-that.

In view of the miscellaneousness of my posts, I suppose “Wings and Things” isn’t a bad sort of blog title so I’m sticking with that because it allows me to meander in the usual way. This is obviously not good for the stats as themed blogs get more ‘hits’ but, despite wanting to make more people aware dementia sufferers should be treated with more respect, I don’t care any more about the stats.

One of the things that has astounded me about my blog journey so far has been the incredible friendships wrought (with people I may never meet in person), and the mutual support system enabled via WordPress. The blogs I subscribe to are an eclectic mix of bird, photography, illness, writing, grief, dementia and philosophical blogs (to name a few) and it is often very difficult to keep up. The good thing is that most bloggers understand this difficulty and don’t mind if you don’t read their every word/post – phew!

I would never go to a support group, I already have enough friends in my non-blog life, and I am not naturally gregarious, so I am rather astounded at how much I have come to depend on the bloggers with whom I have become close – an extraordinary community made up of some of the kindest people I have ever come across. I also enjoy offering my own friendship and support to these fellow bloggers and this has become a meaningful part of my life.

This blog has also connected me better to my already-there friends and family, sometimes disconcertingly. For example, I said to my friend the other day, “Guess what happened yesterday?” and she said, “I already know, Jules – I read your blog.”

Oh!

So, in the spirit of miscellaneous gratitude, here is Diamond, our shyest goose….

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…. saying thank you with me!

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How Queenie puts her peachicks to bed

This evening I sat outside from around 5 – 7pm as Queenie began the ritual of taking her kids to bed up in the avocado tree. First, she wandered around with them following her, digging into the ground with her big feet to give the chicks insects, showing them how to drink from a shallow bowl I’d put near the avocado tree, finding the wheat always there for all of the birds. At first I was a bit alarmed to find the little family out of the pen as early as 5pm but I guess they are now a bit beyond the pen and like to wander around the yard and back paddock freely. King (obviously the dad) stayed with them for ages, protectively.

I have maintained a respectful distance but they all come close to me anyway; they trust me and seem to rather like the flash of the camera. The photos I have put here show their long, but enjoyable, journey to bed but this is the first time I have seen the finale. I was amazed to see how the two peachicks can actually fly quite high now from branch to branch, up and up, and until they reach their mother. Queenie clucks until they get to her.

Of course the two peachicks are still extremely vulnerable; they might be taken by crows, they might drown in the pond (now that they are out of the yards), but I am hopeful that wise Queenie will prevent these possible catastrophes and King is right by her side for much of the time.

In watching this beautiful bedtime ritual, I remembered how much the birds helped me cope with the misery of Anthony’s illness, the nursing home process, Ming’s spinal operation and so many other things. Now the birds are helping me to cope with a whole new set of miseries which I blogged about yesterday, then trashed because it was all too sad. In trashing the post, I guess I also trashed the comments and I apologize for this and am grateful for those comments. Now I think the best thing is to get back to these beautiful birds for awhile.

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As usual Gutsy9 became really jealous and insisted that I took her photo too.
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Tonight, I would love to be one of Queenie’s peachicks, up high in the avocado tree, under her gentle wings.

But I am a bit too big!

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Another little blog break

One of the unexpected bonuses of blogging for me has been the very real friendships formed, the mutual support, the shared humour, the shared grief. The lessons of life that I have learned through other people’s stories, and interactions, have taught me how to better do empathy and sympathy, and forced me to feel the difference.

Thanks so much for those of you who have commented, ‘liked’, and given me your friendships. For those of you who are bloggers, I am struggling at the moment to keep up with your writings, so please forgive me for that. For Facebook friends, same thing really!

Ming goes to court in three days. Apparently he and I simply appear, his charges will be read out, and the case will be adjourned by our lawyer until the end of February. So I really need to concentrate on all of this at least until the beginning of February, and blogging will go on the back burner for the time being.

Hard to believe now that when I began blogging it was all about the birds.

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A tip for taking people with Parkinson’s disease out and about

As Anthony’s Parkinson’s disease (diagnosed several years ago now) has worsened, it has become increasingly difficult to take him out, or bring him home from the nursing home. For a few months last year, I relied on the wheelchair taxi because he had become so heavy to manouevre. Then, with some tweaking of his medications (by his specialists and doctors) and with a renewed sense of determination on my part, and special attention to timing, I began again to take him out by myself.

The timing of Parkinson’s disease medications is vital. If Anthony doesn’t get his 11am pill, he is paralysed by noon. The staff at the nursing home have been brilliant at getting this right. This means that if I pick him up for lunch he is able to walk (using a walker) to the car, get in with just a bit of a shove from me, get out again with a 1, 2, 3 pull up from me, walk into a cafe or whatever, eat some cake, and walk (using the walker again) back to the car.

His next scheduled pill for the day is 4pm but I really think it should be 3pm because that is the time that he always begins to falter, with his words, movements etc. so, if he is home, I give it to him early because we have had some extremely difficult situations where I just cannot get him to move his feet at all, let alone walk. I guess we are getting to the stage now where I have to bring both the walker and a wheelchair with us if we go out.

The person who most inspired me to take Anthony out more is Terry at http://terry1954.wordpress.com/

Terry has been looking after her brother, Al for years and Al doesn’t just have PD, he also has MSA (see Terry’s blog for what this is like). Al is now bedridden and on the brink of death with Terry constantly by his side. She has always inspired me in the way she copes with pragmatism and prayer in equal amounts.

But, before Al reached this stage, Terry used to to take him out and about, to his favourite shops and restaurants. I read about these escapades with mixture of delight and admiration, but what really struck me was how much joy this gave Terry herself. She is the person who gave me the impetus to take Anthony out and about more.

And, if I get the timing right, Ants and I can still have a rollicking time (well sort of!) However, here is where Terry and I are different; she took Al to places Al liked to go to (she is unselfish), whereas I now take Anthony to places I like to go (I am selfish).

However, that is my tip: instead of seeing it as a chore to take someone with PD or any other disease out of the nursing home for a bit of a break, think of where YOU would like to go. That way, the outing is transformed from a job into a joy.

Just don’t go to the beach (wheelchairs don’t do well on sand!)

This post is dedicated to Terry and Al.

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Prayer

I am not really sure what prayer is any more, but, whatever it is, I have rediscovered it.

Earlier today I reblogged a post written for Robyn by her friend, Resa, but like many a reblog, it didn’t get read by that many people on my own blog, so I thought I would add something here to encourage people to check it out AND to check out Robyn’s own blog at:

My Story

I have known Robyn since I began blogging and was compelled by her courage in dealing with debilitating physical pain, her talent for photography and poetry, and her immediate and generous friendship to me. But a few months ago she stopped blogging and I knew things must be badly wrong, so I sent her a couple of tentative emails, worried that I might be intruding, but she replied and told me things were not so good.

Since then, I have worried and wondered and prayed and been scared for her so, it wasn’t until Resa posted about Robyn that I knew about her impending major hip surgery this week. I cannot imagine the kind of physical pain Robyn has endured over the years, but I can imagine the hope felt by Robyn, and her family and friends, that this surgery will vastly improve her condition, and that it will take away the pain.

Many people who follow this blog already know Robyn, but if you don’t, please spare a thought and a prayer for her this week. She is one of the best people I have ever been blessed to meet.

I salute you Robyn, over and over again.

This is a prayer.

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