jmgoyder

wings and things

Dec 20

“Mummy!”

by jmgoyder

Ming was allowed to come home today, three days after his surgery which was a fantastic surprise (we were told he’d be in hospital until Christmas Eve). I’d been staying in a hotel for a couple of nights and coming and going to the hospital, but checked out yesterday, planning to visit Ming then go home to the farm to feed and water the dogs, birds and alpacas, only to be told he’d be discharged today! So I quickly rang a friend to see if she could do the animals and checked back into the hotel for another night.

Yesterday Ming was still attached to the pain+antibiotic drip, a catheter, and a blood drain thingy, oxygen, and he could hardly get out of bed and walk a few steps, but today he was free of the various tubes and fighting fit – amazing! It is 8pm here and we got home around an hour ago. Ming is in a lot of pain but has three kinds of painkillers so is now in bed.

One of the painkillers has a strange side-effect – Mummy love! It is so hilarious; on Tuesday evening when he finally came out of surgery, he kept looking at me woozily and saying, “Oh, Mummy, give me your hand, hold my hand, I want to have a cubble (cuddle), you are the best mummy in the whole wide world, oh I love you so much” etc. If I let his hand go for a moment, he would yell, “Mummy, I need your hand! Muuuuuuummmmmmmyyyyyyyyy!”

Now this would have been okay if (a) he had a private room, and (b) he had a quiet voice. But he was in a shared room with three men who were all chuckling every time Ming yelled out, “Mummy, hand – where’s your hand?” After a couple of hours of this I started to get a bit embarrassed and sick of holding his stupid hand! His nurse was laughing hysterically (but quietly) at his antics and, as Ming got sleepier, she helped me remove my hand from his so I could escape to my hotel and have a well-earned wine.

My hand is still aching from his grip – so funny!

And so absolutely wonderful!

Note: Thank you so much to my WordPress and Facebook, and other friends and family (especially my own mother) for all of your prayers, wishes and messages to us. I haven’t had time to reply properly but please know how much your comments, care and love is appreciated by Ming and Muuuuummmmmyyyyy!

Animal blogging Family Friendship Happiness

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Sep 23

My mother’s courage

by jmgoyder

My mother has had an extraordinary year and somehow survived it. The other day, she found a diary entry. The following words are hers.

Despair.

Written in the midst of recovery and rehab after falling off my bike and two fractures in the pelvis and three in the wrist resulting in a plate. Three and a half weeks in hospital and six weeks with home care after returning home.

Added to this was the possibility of failing eyesight, when my second eye was diagnosed with wet macular, which had taken away the sight in my left eye.

I wrote:

Can I find a way to meet this new challenge, this extra disability. For yes. I am disabled. I hear perhaps 10% of conversation, lectures, discourse, chat, and now, my eyesight too, is dim.

My world, once sharp and clear and vibrant with song, and colour and clarity, is muted, damped down, edges dulled, disintegrating. I can’t remember what it was to step out, sure footed and light hearted. “Take care”, “hold rail” “look down” “the footpath’s out to get you.”

Care free. What’s that? Unthinking, devil-may-care, impulsive? Gone now, forever?

Would hiding in the safety of my home, no risk, be better than this half life?

Is the smile becoming fixed, a give away. That vacant, lost, bewildered look that usually only comes with senility.

But

Not gone in mind, though sight and sound have left me early, far too soon.

I must decide. These storms of sorrow washing over me to drown my essence. Can I push up the trapdoor of this thing that threatens me. Have I the strength or will to fight the demon of despair .

Count what you have, not what you’ve lost. You know that others have lost more. Yes. Much, much more.

What should I change? How do I embrace and prosper?

Look in, look out, look up, look here.

The things I used to do so well, now cause me anguish. What substitutes? What gifts and visions unexplored?

Show me O God, what plan you are enfolding. The years ahead must hold a treasure true, as yet uncovered and unseen, for grief and loss has hidden you from me.

Meg

2013.

Family Friendship Grief Happiness joy

56 Comments »
Apr 4

An argument with my mother’s bicycle

by jmgoyder

My mother has now been in hospital for 12 days since falling off her bicycle and fracturing her pelvis in two places and her wrist in three places. She will be in hospital for at least another week – maybe more.

I want to go back to the moment my mother got onto her bicycle and I want to yell NO! After all, she’s 78, and had only just recovered from a hip fracture from a fall just before Christmas.

But I can’t go back and stop her from getting onto that bicycle. Instead she and I are going forward, step by step, to recovery. It has been 12 days of pain for my mother, stress for me, and hatred for that bicycle.

Good news: My mother no longer minds being blogged about and says thank you to those who wished her well. I echo this.

Bad news: Tomorrow I am going to stop arguing with my mother’s bicycle and simply smash it up!

Family Friendship Grief

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