jmgoyder

wings and things

Looking up

I’ve been asked a few times now about the rationale behind having so many birds when life is already complicated enough with Anthony’s Parkinson’s Disease, the nursing lodge transition traumas, Ming’s back surgery and subsequent life adjustments. So here is an explanation:

Last year, when Anthony was still living here at home and the idea of a nursing lodge had not even been contemplated, and I was already on an extended leave arrangement from my job as a lecturer at the local university, I decided to do everything possible to make our lives brighter. It began with the guinnea fowl because Anthony has always loved them; then poultry; then the peafowl (that was my idea). We had chookyards built, began to reap the delight of fresh eggs and the guinnea fowl (a dozen) made a very interestingly noisy addition to what had become an overly quiet life.

I befriended all of the birds and, to some extent, tamed them but it wasn’t until that first dusk when I watched, amazed, as all of the guinneas and peafowl flew up into the trees to sleep, that I realized I was hooked. Why? Because for the first time in years I was looking up.

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Just a moment

We had an appointment today in Perth (two hours north of here) for Ming to see the surgeon who operated on his scoliosis in February. After the usual X-rays and waiting room waiting, the surgeon said Ming’s spinal curve (Cobb’s angle – see below) had further reduced from 35% to 22%. Now I don’t understand the maths of this because I am not mathematically inclined, however, considering Ming’s curve was 75%/80% before surgery (depending on which radiologist was interpreting the X-ray) then I think 22% is beyond fantastic! I didn’t realize that his spine might straighten even more post-surgery.

http://www.e-radiography.net/radpath/c/cobbs-angle.htm

As we were leaving, I noticed a teenage girl who had tears in her eyes as she left the building with her parents so I told Ming to go and say something comforting to her while I went to the loo. When I came outside I found Ming talking in his loud, open, gesticulating way to the little family, and the girl’s eyes were no longer teary – they were shining. I said I was his mum and that we’d been a bit worried that she was upset. Then we all exchanged handshakes and wished each other well, all of us smiling.

We didn’t exchange names or contact details because it was all a bit ‘in the moment’ but that’s probably okay.

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Love story 86 – Now and then…

My fantastic husband, Anthony, has now been living at the nursing lodge for around 6 months, during which time it has become more and more difficult to bring him home. At first we did overnighters but, due to many of his Parkinson’s disease symptoms, this gradually became impossible. Then Ming and I tried to bring Anthony home just for the day and that, too, became difficult due to his increasing immobility and other factors.

Just recently, I have utilized the services of a wheelchair taxi and that has been relatively successful, though expensive until I fill out the 500 page form and produce a zillion bits of ID.  I don’t tell Ants about the expense because he has always been a money worrier. The following picture is of just before Ants went into the nursing lodge. Our little alien is in the background climbing onto to the roof to dance again.

I have only just rediscovered this photo and it makes me wonder because Anthony has an expressionless face (Parkinson’s disease does that), but he’s still giving a ‘thumbs up’! I think this was around two years ago. A lot has happened since then.

Sometimes I miss Anthony being home to the point where I soak my pillow with sobbing; sometimes I feel a stab of relief that I no longer have to do what we used to call ‘the night shift’; sometimes I miss the past so much that I want to go back …

… to the day we got married

… to the day Ming was born.

But now is now, and now is unavoidable and now is good.

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I am having a haiku phase!

We didn’t know that

everything would get so hard.

Our smiles would falter

We always knew that

our marriage was forever.

In sickness and health.

We didn’t know that

he’d have to have surgery

on his twisted back

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If you have been following this blog ….

If you have been following this blog you will already know that my husband, Anthony, is in a nursing home now due to advanced Parkinson’s disease and prostate cancer. He is 76. He is the best person I have ever met. He is my hero.

If you have been following this blog you will also know that our son, Ming, developed a severe scoliosis and had his spine fused surgically this year. He is 18. He is the best person I have ever met. He is my hero.

Ming doesn’t have his car licence yet due to the surgical interruption so he still needs me to drive him to music school etc.

Anthony takes an incredibly long time to answer that stupid phone.

I have two recurring nightmares: the first is of Anthony reneging on getting married; and the second is that he and Ming are in the ocean and I can only save one of them. Both nightmares never reach a resolution because I always wake up too soon.

If you have been following this blog you will know that I am very happy and very sad.

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A mother’s brilliant love

 My ma wrote this for me this morning!

Destiny.

You could have been born

in the slums of Djakarta

or Windsor Castle

or the child of a Cult

or blind

become a rock star

or an astronaut

or Mother Teresa

You could have been

A suburban housewife

Or an inventor

Or an athlete.

You could have discovered gold

Or been a surrogate mother

Or a member of ABBA

Or scavenged for food

On the rubbish heaps in India

You could have been a boy. Or a twin,

Or disabled or a concert pianist

You might have

Become a drug addict

Or climbed Mt Everest

Or saved the gorillas

Or joined the Hitler Youth

You may have been born in Israel or Bethlehem

Before Jesus’ time

Before the dinosaurs

You might have been Eve.

But you are Julie.

And

“All the days ordained for me

Were written in your book

Before one of them came to be.”

M.L.

My mother with my son after his scoliosis surgery.

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Good things 1

A pianist in our paddock (yes, I know I posted this photo previously but for some reason the comments went off automatically).

Last beautiful picture of Anthony with Doc (who died several weeks ago). Jack in the forefront, who I have re-named ‘Jumping Jack’ because he jumps like a kangaroo, will outlive all of us I think!

How to make a Harley Davidson motorbike cake ….

My good friend, the madcakelady herself, on the left, and me.

A son, sitting on the best surprise Christmas present ever! (Anthony is in the background).

Anthony’s pride and joy, the Aga – the hub of this house.

A scoliosis surgery success story.

Love.

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The ‘now’ of before, during, after ….

I just got permission to name the wonderful surgeon who fixed Son’s spine (you need to see previous post). His name is Peter Woodland and I am trying very hard not to fall in love with him – hehe! Son took this photo from Peter’s computer at our last appointment.

And here is a picture I took today of Son’s brace-free back:

Thank you, Peter Woodland!

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Before, during, after ….

Those who have been reading this blog for awhile will already know the story of Son’s scoliosis and surgery, but newcomers may not, so I thought I’d do a little pictorial recap here. This is because, yesterday, Son was told that he could finally, after over three months, take his post-operative spinal brace off and leave it off for good –  YEEHA!

Before his scoliosis became so severe (it went from around a 40% curve to nearly 80% in the space of around eight months when he was 15), he was a passionate football player and had tentative dreams of pursuing football professionally. He was very good at it.

However, despite taking Son to numerous series’ of appointments with a chiropractor, physiotherapist, osteopath, kinesiologist, personal trainer and others (all of whom were wonderful and possibly prevented his scoliosis from getting even worse), the following X-ray speaks for itself. Surgery, which we hadn’t contemplated before, became a matter of inevitabilty rather than an option, so we saw a surgeon and Son was told he would have to have surgery and that he must stop playing football immediately. As this was two days before a school football trip in which Son was the star attraction (of course he wasn’t the star attraction, but I’m his mother so I like to say things like that), the devastation of this news was difficult to deal with and I will never forget Son’s sobs after that appointment.

So, on Valentines Day this year (Feb. 14 2012) Son underwent major surgery which took, I think, over eight hours and in which twelve of his vertebrae were fused, using quite a bit of titanium, and bone from the bone bank (a bit like a blood bank). I will spare you the gory details as there are plenty of youtubes on how this works. The following pictures show Son with the electrody things in his hair, the evening before surgery (we were allowed to go out for dinner!), the second is in intensive care after the surgery, the third is us mucking around and trying to be silly, and the fourth is Son a week later in the rehabilitation unit with the teddy I bought him and some gravy and chips!

And this is Son in his brace, standing 3 inches taller than he was (I kid you not!) with my mother – and another picture of him feeding the gang with some visitors.

Taking the brace off after all this time (Son had to wear it except when sleeping), has been, for him, wonderful but also a bit scary. He said today, before he went into town with his friend, “I feel a bit naked!” But, apart from that, the exhilaration of such a fantastically successful surgical outcome takes my breath away. Son is a new man!

In the next post I would like to show pictures of now, and to thank the surgeon publically, but I need to check if that is okay with him before I mention his name.

Meanwhile, Son has decided that instead of playing professional football, he will become a rock star.

And he will!

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Wrong way. Go back.

In Western Australia we have big signs wherever roadworks are being done in case people go the wrong way. This can be useful, but it can also be a bit confusing.

It’s a little bit like that with blogging because you get really curious to go down a certain blog path, you like what you are reading/seeing, but you are also uncertain of where exactly you are and sometimes the historical context of where you are, in that person’s blog, takes quite a bit of time, quite a bit of deciphering.

With my own blog, Wings and things, it’s obviously the same experience for new readers or followers because, of course, the latest post is always the most recent and, unless people  have time to go back, they might not ‘get it’ that there are two different-but-same stories running parallel. The Love story is about the past but everything else is about the present.

As many of you already know, my husband has chronic Parkinson’s disease and terminal prostate cancer and is now in a nursing lodge close by. Our 18-year-old son recently had major spinal surgery. And me – I love birds!

I can’t keep up with the many blogs I am interested in, no matter how hard I try, but one thing I like to do is to go back and read the very beginnings of those blogs which is what I hope people will do with mine. It’s not that there is a wrong or a right way necessarily, but going back can be fantastic!

Oh yeah, and if you go back, you will find that I don’t usually do 4 posts in the day. I cheated today with the pics – hehe!

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