When Anthony suddenly transformed from a macho machine into a rose-buying romantic all those years ago, it was a massive shock to me. As a macho machine, he was never demonstrative or loving or generous and I was so used to this that the ‘new’ Anthony took a bit of getting used to. In the nearly 20 years since we’ve been married he has given me the most beautiful gifts: pearls (a few strings), silver bangles (around 20), expensive perfume, a carriage clock, an Omega watch, a couple of other watches, an antique lithograph (well he had wanted this himself), my first ever electronic organizer, my first laptop, a min-tv for my office, a beautifully framed picture of me at my graduation, two antique cameo broaches and the list goes on. Most of these were surprises but over the last few years, since he became too ill with PD to drive, he would tell me to go and buy my own Christmas and birthday presents with instructions like “Go and buy yourself a nice frock” which is ludicrous of course since I haven’t worn a dress since I was around five years old so I would come home with expensive jeans or boots instead! It wasn’t as magical to have to choose my own presents but after a year or so I began to look forward to this. I would ring him from whatever shop and tell him I was trying to choose between this bangle and that bangle and he would always say, “Get the best one, Jules.” So I would!
Don’t get me wrong. When the dairy industry was thriving and I was working, we were comfortably off, but not wealthy and Anthony, having always been extremely scroogy careful with money, continued to astound me with his birthday and Christmas gifts to me. But perhaps the best and most extraordinary gift was his ability to say “I love you, Jules.” The first time he said this, a few seconds before he proposed marriage, I laughed because I thought he was joking. For him the word ‘love’ was a definite taboo and whenever I had used it on him he had shrugged and grinned, but never reciprocated. Since the first time he said these words, he has said them every single day of our marriage and they have not lost their power.
Lately, love has become the main topic of conversation for him. When I am in the nursing lodge, or he is on a visit home, or on the phone, he talks about this big love we have for each other and his eyes smile even though his mouth can’t. He loves talking about love, so much so that I sometimes say, “Yeah, okay, I get it!”
After months of rather mopey misery on his part, Anthony seems to have finally accepted what is, so when I see him, his eyes light up, and he almost yells, “Jules!” He does this on the phone too and seems to have stopped begging me for the impossible – to bring him home to stay. Our conversations are lighter. Of course the confusion and disorientation of PDD is still there but this love-talk seems to bypass that and now, when I leave the nursing lodge, I say goodbye with a smile because I know he knows that I am in love with him too.
A few years ago
jmgoyder 
This is absolutely beautiful Julie… I am going to sleep with a warm feeling and a smile after reading this post… Love Love Love to you and your LOVE ~ xo
Yeah and I rang him an hour or so ago and he was fine that I wasn’t coming in after all (I had to take Ming to a party) and we joked on the phone like the old days – so happy. I will email you about you lovely Robyn.
Oh, I can feel the love radiating between the two of you all the way from here!
Haha!
when that word comes from someone we like to hear it from, it cannot be heard enough
True.
Love tip-toes around the shadows of our lives, waiting–waiting for us to think that no one is watching, then jumps out where the costume of each other’s skin and yells “Surprise!”. After which we find ourselves on the floor doubled up with laughter thinking how surprising Love really is.>KB
What a great bit of writing this is – thank you!
wearing the costume…
Aha!
What a lovely post.
True Love is very special – you are a very lucky Lady, Julie.
I think so too, Victoria.
I’m so glad you are both feeling a little happier.
Well it’s about time haha!
Lovely story. There’s magic in long marriages– I wish young people would see it more and understand what a commitment is .
I think people get all caught up in the hype of a wedding and don’t understand the idea of marriage?
Julie, that was one of the sweetest things I have ever read, thank you. — Bill
Thanks for liking it so much, Bill!
A wonderful Post Julie…glad the tone has lightened up a bit. ❤
Yes, it is a big ‘phew’ for me after months of – well, you know….
A reprieve is a wonderful thing!
You are a very lucky person, and so is he. To know love like yours, even for a moment, is the best gift of all, for sure.
Yes and I’m happy to have experienced this despite its ups and downs.
such a beautiful precious blog!!!
I am lucky.
You have the sweetest love story ever.
You do too.
These moments are for you to hold close Jules…hold close when your spirits flag and delight in this love as the sun.
I am so glad this has become the main topic of conversation – beats the hell out of misery!
That’s for sure..though perhaps they’re the flip sides of the same coin?
That was an absolutely beautiful post!
I am beginning to treasure the moments.
This is absolutely wonderful. To have a love like this is so inspiring, although I know sometimes it is painful for you both. Glad you guys have it.
It’s kind of bittersweet but feel so lucky.
How wonderful for you both!
Yes it is a big love.
Julie, now you had me in tears again – what a love story you two have. Have always been so cynical about marriage .. and have always said that nobody has proven to me that marriage works. You and Anthony are the proof of the pudding for me. Even if your love story has limits today and aren’t in the way it was supposed to be – because of Antony’s situation.
Your love stories always affects me so strongly.
Oh don’t cry!
No, promise … landed 50 min ago on a sunny Ireland. Must be a mistake. *smile
Love never fails. 🙂
Yes.
You have a special bond. Do hold onto the good memories like this post.
I love that photo too… 🙂
Thanks – and yes.
Beautiful story, Julie. Love transcends all. When everything else is gone, there is love.
It has been so sad for so long so this love talk is helping a lot.
I missed this. I’m glad you are having gentler times with Anthony. ~Lynda