wings and things

Anthony’s acceptance

on February 24, 2013

pea 181pea 188

One of the most difficult things about Anthony moving into the nursing lodge has been accepting this dramatic change.

Ming (now 19) was the first to accept this change willingly, whereas it took me nearly a year and mine was an unwilling acceptance laced with grief and guilt.

Anthony’s own acceptance has taken longer but yesterday it just happened and I am so relieved. This is how:

I booked the wheelchair taxi to pick Ants up from the nursing lodge at 2pm, then I rang his nephew who lives around the corner, and left a message that Ants would be home for a few hours.

Then, at 2.30pm, the nephew rang to say Ants was at their place! Apparently Anthony had convinced the taxi driver that our address was wrong and directed him to go to the nephew’s!

By the time the rather flustered taxi driver arrived here (around 2.45pm) I was in such fits of laughter that I could hardly speak as he got Ants out of the taxi. I hugged Ants, still spluttering with hilarity, so much so that Ming took over wheeling Ants to the front veranda while I paid the taxi driver who was now laughing too.

Okay, frivolity aside, the bemused taxi driver left, Ming went to milk the cows and Ants and I shared a beer and some snacks I had painstakingly prepared (chips). Here is our conversation:

Ants: It’s good to be home.
Me: So why did you go to the nephew’s?
Ants: I got mixed up.
Me: Yeah, you have a bit of dementia now.
Ants: I thought so. Am I staying the night?
Me: No!
Ants: Why?
Me: Because, Ants, you are too sick, I can’t lift you, and you need nursing care. How many times do we have to have this discussion? You have to accept it Ants – please!
Ants: You’re right.
Me: What?
Ants: You’re right.
Me: Okay, so the wheelchair taxi is coming to take you back in a few hours. Are you okay with that?
Ants: Yes, Jules (winking).

We then shared another beer, laughed again about the taxi mishap (well, I laughed and Ants looked at me as if I were crazy), then he began to droop badly and agreed to get the taxi earlier.


PS. I’m off on my bike to tackle the road now!

54 responses to “Anthony’s acceptance

  1. I am so happy for you both.

  2. janechese says:

    That is a good day today. i enjoy seeing the photos of all of you. And good for you for getting out on the bike!

  3. Hope Ants remembers his decision. Was it a good bike ride

  4. I hope his acceptance will help you — it has been a rough go for you and I hope things are starting to look up — now put that helmut on and ride like the wind!

  5. or helmet if you want it spelled correctly

  6. mimijk says:

    A good day…and if he forgets then it becomes another conversation to remind him of..Most importantly it’s a good day to get on the bike and just ride (btw, the pictures are terrific)..

  7. bulldog says:

    Is that not a good step forward.. now don’t fall of the bike…

  8. victoriaaphotography says:

    Hope Anthony remembers the day for next time you see him.

    How did the bike ride pan out?

  9. Tammy says:

    Hurrah! Sounds like a positive visit overall! Wish more of that type upon you & Ants & Ming!

  10. I am so happy that you and Anthony shared that moment of acceptance, it seems to be a milestone in his life, to accept the changes in his condition. It sounds like you are having fun with the bike!! Hooray!

  11. letstalkaboutfamily says:

    This sounds like progress. I am happy for you both.

  12. fgassette says:

    I am so glad things are working out for both of you. Will continue to keep you in my prayers. Hope you enjoyed your bike ride.


  13. Acceptance is good. I love these photos – Ming is so expressive!

  14. terry1954 says:

    I am glad the three of you could laugh over this. a true family always stays together even through the fog

  15. Rohan 7 Things says:

    Thanks for sharing Julie, really touching πŸ™‚ Hopefully things are moving in a positive direction now for everyone πŸ™‚ Enjoy your bike rides!

    Acceptance is a beautiful thing, so cool that we posted bout acceptance!

    All the best πŸ™‚


  16. Reminds me so much of my own mother. ((Jules)).

  17. SnapInTime says:

    It’s hard, it’s necessary, and a relief when it happens. ❀ I'm so glad there was so humor to lighten the moment! Love the pictures. πŸ™‚

  18. viveka says:

    Are those photos from today???? They are such a joy to see. Happy faces and gestures.
    I’m glad that Ant sometimes understands that … he is in the best place he can be.
    Is there no way that you can sleep over at the lodge with him??? Because what I understand is’ the evenings and the nights that makes him unsettled.

  19. tersiaburger says:

    Oh dear Julie – I hope he remembers he accepted the situation… It is such a horrible disease! Wonderful photos!

  20. It is a terrible journey to reach that stage; but necessary. So glad Anthony has.

  21. It is amazing what acceptance can do. The energy spent in fighting against it, is huge. Your own non-acceptance, and your grief at his non-acceptance. Once that has been lifted, there is so much energy that can be directed elsewhere. It is a new beginning, a new way forward. I am so happy and proud for you. <>

  22. I love this story. That’s hilarious that he tried to go to a different address! I’m glad you both could laugh about it.

  23. melissakoski says:

    ha ha “snacks I painstakingly prepared” (:

  24. FlaHam says:

    Julie, Yes acceptance is wonderful, it reliefs a deep burden, and it allows you to be whole. I am truly happy that each of you has found it, in your own way. The smiles continues, as will the stories. — Take care, Bill

  25. dcwisdom says:

    Laugh when you can, dear one. You’re making memories that will carry you through the days ahead. Sending you BIG Texas love across the waves…

  26. I hope his acceptance lasts and he doesn’t forget he has accepted it…………….lol Sorry for being a bit off handed but I am in a good mood or maybe it’s because I have a sore bum from sitting here so long………….lol

  27. elizabeth says:

    Wonderful photos Julie. So glad there was laughter and progress. πŸ™‚

  28. TBM says:

    Acceptance isn’t easy, but necessary. I wish all of you well.

  29. sbcallahan says:

    whether or not anthony remembers you have that moment and know that somewhere in him he does understand. it must be brutal for a man like yours to accept that they have gone from this strong man to what they interpret as a weak man. i am just so happy for you!

    as for ming it is not surprising that he came to acceptance early. he spent his life preparing for this didn’t he? he didn’t know the younger man who swept you off your feet, well that may be an over-statement:)

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: