One of the most difficult things about Anthony moving into the nursing lodge has been accepting this dramatic change.
Ming (now 19) was the first to accept this change willingly, whereas it took me nearly a year and mine was an unwilling acceptance laced with grief and guilt.
Anthony’s own acceptance has taken longer but yesterday it just happened and I am so relieved. This is how:
I booked the wheelchair taxi to pick Ants up from the nursing lodge at 2pm, then I rang his nephew who lives around the corner, and left a message that Ants would be home for a few hours.
Then, at 2.30pm, the nephew rang to say Ants was at their place! Apparently Anthony had convinced the taxi driver that our address was wrong and directed him to go to the nephew’s!
By the time the rather flustered taxi driver arrived here (around 2.45pm) I was in such fits of laughter that I could hardly speak as he got Ants out of the taxi. I hugged Ants, still spluttering with hilarity, so much so that Ming took over wheeling Ants to the front veranda while I paid the taxi driver who was now laughing too.
Okay, frivolity aside, the bemused taxi driver left, Ming went to milk the cows and Ants and I shared a beer and some snacks I had painstakingly prepared (chips). Here is our conversation:
Ants: It’s good to be home.
Me: So why did you go to the nephew’s?
Ants: I got mixed up.
Me: Yeah, you have a bit of dementia now.
Ants: I thought so. Am I staying the night?
Me: No!
Ants: Why?
Me: Because, Ants, you are too sick, I can’t lift you, and you need nursing care. How many times do we have to have this discussion? You have to accept it Ants – please!
Ants: You’re right.
Me: What?
Ants: You’re right.
Me: Okay, so the wheelchair taxi is coming to take you back in a few hours. Are you okay with that?
Ants: Yes, Jules (winking).
We then shared another beer, laughed again about the taxi mishap (well, I laughed and Ants looked at me as if I were crazy), then he began to droop badly and agreed to get the taxi earlier.
Acceptance.
PS. I’m off on my bike to tackle the road now!
I am so happy for you both.
It is an enormous relief.
That is a good day today. i enjoy seeing the photos of all of you. And good for you for getting out on the bike!
I got onto the road!
Hope Ants remembers his decision. Was it a good bike ride
It was a great bike ride!
I hope his acceptance will help you — it has been a rough go for you and I hope things are starting to look up — now put that helmut on and ride like the wind!
I even rode against the wind!
or helmet if you want it spelled correctly
A good day…and if he forgets then it becomes another conversation to remind him of..Most importantly it’s a good day to get on the bike and just ride (btw, the pictures are terrific)..
Yes, I will have to remind him, alas.
Is that not a good step forward.. now don’t fall of the bike…
I scared myself on the road a bit but didn’t fall off!
Hope Anthony remembers the day for next time you see him.
How did the bike ride pan out?
It was great!
Hurrah! Sounds like a positive visit overall! Wish more of that type upon you & Ants & Ming!
It’s getting better.
I am so happy that you and Anthony shared that moment of acceptance, it seems to be a milestone in his life, to accept the changes in his condition. It sounds like you are having fun with the bike!! Hooray!
It was definitely a milestone.
This sounds like progress. I am happy for you both.
Thankyou so much!
I am so glad things are working out for both of you. Will continue to keep you in my prayers. Hope you enjoyed your bike ride.
BE ENCOURAGED! BE BLESSED!
Bike ride was great!
Acceptance is good. I love these photos – Ming is so expressive!
Yes!
I am glad the three of you could laugh over this. a true family always stays together even through the fog
For sure.
Thanks for sharing Julie, really touching 🙂 Hopefully things are moving in a positive direction now for everyone 🙂 Enjoy your bike rides!
Acceptance is a beautiful thing, so cool that we posted bout acceptance!
All the best 🙂
Rohan.
Loved your post!
Reminds me so much of my own mother. ((Jules)).
Thanks Susan.
It’s hard, it’s necessary, and a relief when it happens. ❤ I'm so glad there was so humor to lighten the moment! Love the pictures. 🙂
Yes and thank you!
Are those photos from today???? They are such a joy to see. Happy faces and gestures.
I’m glad that Ant sometimes understands that … he is in the best place he can be.
Is there no way that you can sleep over at the lodge with him??? Because what I understand is’ the evenings and the nights that makes him unsettled.
Not allowed to sleep there because there is no room. Photos from a few days ago.
Aren’t you allowed to sleep in his room???? Strange!
Wonderful happy photos – Ant is a great shape and so handsome.
Oh dear Julie – I hope he remembers he accepted the situation… It is such a horrible disease! Wonderful photos!
His memory is often great so who knows!
It is a terrible journey to reach that stage; but necessary. So glad Anthony has.
I wish I had known a bit more about the journey, but you can’t know the future.
No, but you could write another book based on your experience, for others to learn from…
It is amazing what acceptance can do. The energy spent in fighting against it, is huge. Your own non-acceptance, and your grief at his non-acceptance. Once that has been lifted, there is so much energy that can be directed elsewhere. It is a new beginning, a new way forward. I am so happy and proud for you. <>
Thank you so much for this encouraging comment.
I love this story. That’s hilarious that he tried to go to a different address! I’m glad you both could laugh about it.
The most hilarious thing was the alarmed tone of the nephew’s voice on the phone and the taxi driver’s fluster – oh I am laughing again now!
ha ha “snacks I painstakingly prepared” (:
Well I opened the packet!
Julie, Yes acceptance is wonderful, it reliefs a deep burden, and it allows you to be whole. I am truly happy that each of you has found it, in your own way. The smiles continues, as will the stories. — Take care, Bill
You know what you are talking about – many thanks!
Laugh when you can, dear one. You’re making memories that will carry you through the days ahead. Sending you BIG Texas love across the waves…
I hope his acceptance lasts and he doesn’t forget he has accepted it…………….lol Sorry for being a bit off handed but I am in a good mood or maybe it’s because I have a sore bum from sitting here so long………….lol
Wonderful photos Julie. So glad there was laughter and progress. 🙂
Acceptance isn’t easy, but necessary. I wish all of you well.
whether or not anthony remembers you have that moment and know that somewhere in him he does understand. it must be brutal for a man like yours to accept that they have gone from this strong man to what they interpret as a weak man. i am just so happy for you!
as for ming it is not surprising that he came to acceptance early. he spent his life preparing for this didn’t he? he didn’t know the younger man who swept you off your feet, well that may be an over-statement:)