Such a strange realisation!
An ‘aha!’ moment!
The inability to get to the ‘finish line’ or the ‘punch line’ was making me utterly miserable (as well as my inability to understand/implement Tolle’s NOW concept, cope with a depressive episode, watch myself grieve for Anthony in a way that seemed premature).
But it wasn’t any of those bracketed BIG things that were bothering me; it was the fact that the few remnants of weeks and weeks of decluttering, finding history, reorganising the house/farm etc. were still here.
It was the remnants!
Old books, doilies, Anthony’s school report from when he was little, old photos of my dad when he was young, bark paintings from our years in Papua New Guinea, a thousand buttons, a pile of costume jewellery, a silk corset and bra wrapped in newspaper for 100 years, bits of china that would be valuable if not cracked, old instruction manuals from before I was born, and a whole lot of bits and pieces that must have had sentimental value for someone before Anthony was born, and maybe even before Gar, his mother, was born.
So today I began this last phase by going to the dump with Ming and unloading a very full ute-load of rubbish; then I proceeded to use a knife to cut up a very big carpet mat underneath my bed (it had to be cut up to be manageable) and Ming helped me. The dust that came out from beneath that ancient carpet was justification enough to get rid of it – wonderful!
And now I have contacted the heritage park people to come over for a final browse, I am going to advertise the gramophone and other items online (once I figure out how), and I’ve already boxed up historical material for the relative who is interested.
Every single photo/photo album in now in Anthony’s cupboard so I just have to do the scanning bit by bit by bit whilst being with him.
And my point in this ridiculously self-indulgent post?
I was stuck at the ‘unfinish line’ and now I’m not. Full steam ahead!
Very grateful for comments and am going to reply to them now. I don’t even ‘get’ why I had such a downer when my new neighbour/hairdresser, Camille, made my hair a wildish red, I met my beautiful mama for lunch on Friday and laughed my head off, met with my best friend Tony yesterday for lunch and Ming bought me Dylan Moran tickets for my Mother’s day present – so many great things.
Oh and Dina is coming for dinner in a couple of weeks (well, she is coming to cook risotto in her thermomix) so I better get finished with these remnants asap.
My conversation with Ming a few seconds ago:
Me: I’m over my blah finally, Ming.
Ming: How’d you do that?
Me: Got a few things done I guess.
Ming: Jobs, jobs, jobs!
Me: Well we had a lovely time at the dump today didn’t we? [At the dump Ming had yelled out, ‘Mum, this is glorious! We’re not fighting! What a beautiful dump run!’]
Ming: It’s probably due to Sontime.
Mmmm – that is definitely an unfinished conversation!
jmgoyder 
Glad you’re feeling better. Very cute dog!
That’s young Jack, an Irish terror haha!
You are definitely Hero material….thank you for beginning my day with a smile and a glad heart…xoxo
It’s a phew from down under and you rock Rhonda for giving a damn about me; what did I do to deserve a friend like you?!
You make me want to be a better person…that’s what! 🙂
Sometimes it is the little things that do it. Glad you are feeling better. Keep it coming!
You and Ming would make a lovely sitcom….
You and Ming would make a great sitcom…
You’re a step ahead of me!
That one made me smile. And the look on the dog is priceless!
I always said – you’re the ultimate BLAHger! (Insight is such a gift – isn’t it?) Just so glad to hear you’re feeling better.
I collect costume jewelry. If you have any I would be very interested since I know you so well
I’m so glad you’re feeling better…and that you have such a fun son to keep your spirits up. I had to laugh when picturing him shout out “this is glorious!” while at the dump. What a card that one is.
That sounds so much better, well done for sorting yourself out.
I am glad that Ming has lost none of his mingness.
Great that you are over your blah! And wildish red sounds glorious.
So glad to hear you’re feeling a bit better, Julie.
There’s bound to be more of those ‘down’ days/weeks and the thing to remember is that Nothing Ever Stays the Same. Most negative emotions WILL pass. At the time, we feel suffocated and unable to see our way out of the dark well. Our saddest days will lessen (in time).
Personally, I didn’t like Eckart Tolle’s books. I found they were full of the the ‘same ol’ same old’ stuff. I had 2 of his books and ended up not reading hardly any of the 1st book and then, eventually, with the big book overhaul last year, gave both books to the local library. Books can show you the way or recommend positive ways of moving ahead, but unless your mind and body are willing to take the first step in a new direction, a book full of words might not be very useful.
Many people rave over Eckart Tolle. I guess they have not read other books with the same notions he expresses.
I always find a good Spring Clean makes me feel fantastic. There’s a sense of real achievement in giving our surroundings a new makeover that seems to spread through to a ‘fresh start’ in your mind as well. Besides, after a few months/years we usually forget what we have in storage/cupboards.
I also think dust, dust mites (or whatever), mould, damp (and that could be mould spores or damp on old papers) affect our mind as much as our body. Lots of dust and ‘stale air’ is not healthy. I got rid of my parents old books which used to be in a bookshelf behind my desk as I felt ‘congested’ and unwell. But then I am allergic to mould.
Keep up the good work with the house/possessions spring clean. Love V xx
You are such an amazingly wise friend – I, too, am getting a bit tired of trying to understand Tolle’s paragraphs but tonight I think I felt a bit of that nowness thing – Lots of love to you and thanks so much for being …
Thrilled that you are feeling better Julie. I can understand how going through old things would bring memories rushing back. I want to see a picture of the 100 year-old bra – that needs to be in a museum! ❤
Diana xo
Memories make us cling to things long after we should have got rid of them well that is the case with me
so glad you are feeling better! a stroll down memory lane can certainly trigger unexpected consequences. this is one of the fears i have for my love when i am gone. the last thing he needs is to go through my things and be reminded of what was. any way i just wanted to say i am so relieved that you have “sorted” things out.
sending warm hugs and love
I am so happy that you feel better!!!!!!!!! Hugs Jules 😀
You will get through everything, put it in perspective with how far you have already come rather than fretting about the final few yards, plus this is the time you can actually be creative with the remaining items to go, things like costume jewellery, you can pick out what you want to keep and wear, which bits would be perfect for other family members and then consider other uses people frequently turn old jewellery into other things, wine glass markets, individual napkin holders for special meals, You have done the hard work in shifting all the big stuff now let yourself breathe, I think part of the feeling of saying goodbye probably comes from moving so much stuff from the house, so many things you associate with him and his family but guess what you only got rid of stuff not memories they are safely locked in your heart you don’t need to see the farm machinery to remember the place as it was the first time you visited you only need to close your eyes. xxx
I absolutely LOVE Sontime! What a neat phrase. Your Ming’s a joy.