wings and things

“Illness separated”

on June 24, 2015


Yesterday I went to see the people who help people like me to access employment and/or volunteer opportunities. I thought it was about time I got out of my lady-of-leisure mode since resigning from my job at the nursing home several weeks ago.

The woman I spoke to (I will call her Sue) pulled up my records and I misheard her saying that Anthony and I were separated.

Me: No, no, we aren’t separated!
Sue: Illness separated?
Me: Oh, yes, I see. He’s in a nursing home.

Anyway, Sue was very helpful and asked me to come back today with various bits of paperwork that would help to get me back ‘into the system’.

Even though the phrase “illness separated” isn’t new to me, I hadn’t heard it for a long time so it shook me up a bit. Of course there is no other way to describe our situation in terms of the red tape but it still sounds weird, especially the “separated” bit. Oh well.

The views from Anthony’s nursing home window sometimes look uncannily like home and yesterday he ‘saw’ his nephew milking the cows outside and wanted to help. I looked out the window and tried to see what he was seeing (his hallucinations are, thankfully, happy ones mostly).


Me: It’s okay, Ants, he’s just about finished milking.
Anthony: What about the fences?
Me: Ming’s taking care of all that.
Anthony: How much money do we have in the bank?
Me: Lots, thousands!
Anthony: Okay.

I think we might fall into the category of “illness inseparable” now but that wouldn’t tick the boxes ha!

30 responses to ““Illness separated”

  1. categories so often do not reveal the truth

    • jmgoyder says:

      I remember when a nursing organisation came to our house when Anthony was still home and as we were talking with the woman, she said, “so you’re the primary carer then?” to me, and we both got such a shock because we had never thought about it that way before.

  2. It must have sounded weird … the phrase ‘illness separated’… Everything I guess has to have a word or phrase to explain things…

    I hope things go well for you in your search… Diane

  3. Yes I have heard of the term “illness separated” as well but it would be a bit of a shock when you hear it being refereed to yourself

  4. I think here in Canada they call it “involuntary separation.” Very unhappy phrase.

  5. Tiny says:

    You definitely fall into the illness inseparable category! Maybe you can try to get that in – outside the box 🙂 I hope something good comes your way, something that makes you happy.

  6. It sounds like Anthony is in a wonderful home. It’s great you can feel comfortable there as well. I have never heard of ‘illness separated’ either, doesn’t matter. It sounds like you are more together than ever. Many blessings to you. 🙂

  7. susanpoozan says:

    You are so clever at thinking of suitable responses to what he is seeing and remembering the conversation when writing your blog.

  8. janeslog says:

    That looks like a nice tidy area with plenty of grassed areas to sit out in the sun.

    You should have no trouble getting something to do which you enjoy. It’s amazing how you discover something you enjoy by accident.

    For example, we decided to get the garden landscaped but the quotes were were getting were too quite high and my partner Alan said he didn’t want to pay such a high amount on a garden. So we decided to do it ourselves. We bought a variety of tools and an electric cultivator and had areas of the garden dug up and tidied up in no time.

    I discovered I enjoyed gardening which is something I would never have believed. We also saved about 4000GBP.

    So if someone suggests something to you which you don’t really fancy doing, try it anyway as you may find you enjoy it.

  9. I’ve never heard the term before. I have never considered you separated. And I never will.

  10. You know what I feel … finding something to do that you are passionate about! xo

  11. I’m also glad that Anthony’s “daydreams” are happy ones, whenever I have happy dreams at night, my day always starts on the right foot, so I imagine that for Anthony it must be the same, for which I am happy, as you most definitely are. Here in the States, I don’t think that we have a category like illness separated, here they bleed your savings dry before the government programs steps in the help out with nursing homes, it is financially scary to be a sick person in the U.S.

  12. Illness separated does sound weird when we’re so bonded with someone, invested so much of our lives being identified with them, and loving them deeply. I understand. Glad you’re touching base with the people who can network you back into the system and got all my digits crossed you find something that warms your heart and brightens your sweet sweet and very wise soul. ❤

  13. My Heartsong says:

    My first thought on that term was”I don’t like that.” and it doesn’t fit for you two. So there!

  14. Terry says:

    I wish you much luck in getting back in the work force. It took me awhile with my disability, but I did it, and so can you

  15. Trisha says:

    Illness separated doesn’t describe your situation well at all. You’re still so very much together!

  16. tootlepedal says:

    I hope that ‘Sue’ comes up with the goods.

  17. I understand how you are feeling…it is a separation, but it’s not either since you are still married and happily loving each other even throughout this journey. Big hugs to you.

  18. frangipani says:

    Having money in the bank seems to be a recurring theme amongst dementia patients. I’m going to explore it further.

  19. Vicki says:

    I’ve never heard that term (and yet I’ve filled in zillions of forms since I had to quit working).

    Hope your search for either volunteering or job are successful. You’re such a warm endearing sort of person. Anyone would be blessed to have you around them.

    I had a real surprise when a ‘volunteer’ dropped by my bed to chat when I was in hospital recently. I’m so used to being on my own, that it was a real joy to share 20-30 minutes with someone who obviously loved people and said just the right thing to make me feel uplifted.

    It’s a real gift and you certainly have it. Vicki x

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