wings and things

Love and laughter

on April 15, 2016

I think if I had to choose between love and laughter in a relationship, I would choose laughter. Obviously, having both is ideal but love can be so heavy sometimes, whereas laughter is light.

Today, Anthony was in great form and when I arrived he was participating in a game of coits during “gentle gym”. I joined the game by his side and Kaye (pseudonym), one of the OTs, was running things and she is such a fun-loving compassionate person, she made Anthony feel good about himself despite his bad score! Many of the residents were, like Ants, wheelchair-bound, and couldn’t really throw the coits but it was still fun and there were a lot of laughs. I think I will make a point of going to these sessions regularly because it was obvious that Ants was thrilled I was there.

Later, in his room, once he was settled back into his armchair, we had the following conversation (he has been extremely vocal lately – just when I was getting used to his silence).

Ants: I haven’t seen you for awhile.
Me: What a lot of rubbish! I saw you the day before yesterday!
Ants: No, it was the day before the day before yesterday [accurate!]
Me: So are we heading for an argument?
Ants: No, but sometimes I think you have run off with another man.
Me: How ridiculous! Why would I do that when I adore you so much?
Ants: I’m not sure you do anymore.
Me: Okay now listen to me, you idiot. It’s not all about you. Sometimes I need a break and sometimes I need to do other stuff.
Ants: Like what?
Me: Laundry, housework, cooking, Ming.
Ants: So where will you be tonight?
Me: At home of course.
Ants: Where is that?
Me: Bythorne [the name of our farm]
Ants: Bythorne? [looking very surprised]
Me: Yes, silly!

The conversation meandered over the few hours I was there, but here is another excerpt in response to a cooking show on television:

Me: Look at that roast duck!
Ants: Beautiful.
Me: That guy has cooked it slowly for over three hours.
Ants: Too long.
Me: Yeah, but it looks perfect, Ants!
Ants: You have a point. When are you going to cook it?
Me: Actually, that’s a great idea but I need to get the Aga going first.
Ants: I lit it the other day but we need more kerosene.
Me: I am ordering some next week.
Ants: Isn’t the grass green [looking at the wall]
Me: Yes, it’s wonderful.
Ants: Do you want me to light the fireplace? [trying to get up – impossible]
Me: No, Ming’s already done it.
Ants: He’s a good son isn’t he.
Me: He’s a great son.

And, as I was leaving:

Me: I have to go now to get some groceries.
Ants: But every time I let you go, you don’t come back until the next day.
Me: But I do come back! I love you so much, Ants.
Ants: I don’t love you as much now.
Me: What? Why? How dare you! [tickling him]
Ants: Because you keep leaving me and I don’t know where Mum is.
Me: Argh! Ants, we are in a nursing home and you are in good hands. You have Parkinson’s disease and I have to go and get some groceries! Get with it! I’ll see you tomorrow.

Okay, so all of the above was love-driven but it was the hilarious laughter and smiles we both shared that made these poignant and bittersweet conversations absolutely wonderful. It was one of the best days Ants and I have had for ages.

The love hurts, but the laughter heals.

12 responses to “Love and laughter

  1. susanpoozan says:

    So thrilled for you and, you know what they say, ‘laughter is the best medicine’.

  2. I’m with you. And I can’t imagine there being laughter without love. But what you have with your Ants is both L & L. Smooches to ya’ll. And a happy weekend is wished. ❤

  3. we all need laughter in our lives but we are doubly blessed when we have love too, which you obviously have.

  4. ksbeth says:

    yes, and to me, laughter is love. )

  5. Laughter sure helps.

  6. judyrutrider says:

    Our local public radio station did an article on love a couple of days ago and one of the people said that love “shatters” you. I was reminded of a quote I read that said that when we adopt a pet, we sign a contract with sorrow; and I think we can say that about almost all loving relationships. But we couldn’t be shattered by love if the other side of it weren’t so sweet.

  7. Julie, you and Anthony are the exact reason love is so important. Shattering, laughing, it all matters.

  8. It’s odd, isn’t it, how some days their minds are so sharp and some days everything’s murky? That’s how my mom was, too. That keeps you on your toes!

  9. Well said.Good lesson to learn in life.

  10. I think you have a point, laughter is always good, some people do not laugh often enough

  11. lensgirl53 says:

    To find laughter in the face of life’s trials can be quite challenging. I do know what you are going through simply because my mom is in much the same position as Ants. Our conversations are very repetitive and the only one who knows it is me. Thankfully, she laughs still and is much like a child. In a way, it is a blessing. I hope you and your true love continue to make each other smile and laugh out loud😄.

  12. viveka says:

    “The love hurts, but the laughter heals.” – so true, Julie … laughter softens everything.

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