wings and things

Dementia dialogues 0

on September 28, 2016

Me: I love you so much, Ants.

Anthony: I wonder sometimes.

Me: What do you mean?

Anthony: The way you treat me.

Me: What?

Anthony: Like a bag of old rags sometimes. Look at yourself in the mirror!

Me: I don’t understand, Ants!

Anthony: It’s all right – I forgive you.

Me: Forgive me for what? I am doing my best! Why are you being so horrible to me?

Anthony: I just want to go home and see Mum!

Me: But she’s fine, Ants!

Anthony: This has been boiling up for ages.

Me: I don’t understand.

Anthony: Yes you do, and you only barely put up with me!

The above was an uncharacteristically angry and semi-lucid conversation during which I got my notebook out to record things exactly as they were said.

A marital row, I guess – no big deal. Anthony’s sudden mistrust and cynicism about me yesterday carried itself into today but was less acute. I hope this angry thing won’t last long.

18 responses to “Dementia dialogues 0

  1. Lynda says:

    I get his point, but it’s no fault of your own, Julie. He must be so confused. Praying for a better outlook (his) on your next visits. ❤

  2. Dementia is horrible. Hugs to you all. ❤
    Diana xo

  3. hmm–unsettling–hopefully will not last long–put on your thick skin…

  4. Must be so confusing for you both. Whilst its not his fault its still understandable that it hurts your feelings. And don’t confuse him seeming semi-lucid with meaning what he says. Thinking of you.

  5. tootlepedal says:

    I echo your hope. That must have been distressing.

  6. tersiaburger says:

    It is the dementia that causes paranoia. Do not take it to heart. Remember the Ants that you married. Please don’t take it to heart. Much love Jules.

  7. susanpoozan says:

    Sorry you have to put up with bad days as well as enjoy good ones, lots of sympathy.

  8. Judy says:

    I’m so sorry – you’re at a low point already, Julie. One of the uglier parts of dementia is paranoia. You must feel so punched in the gut. Your fuel has always been his love for you.
    Deep within you know that his love for you is endless and the dementia is talking, not Ants. I now that hardly is comforting.
    I acknowledge that you are going through hell. Sending you my love and a huge hug.

  9. I empathize with how stressful this can be, I used to do some respite care and saw this behaviour. Always remember it is the disease not your beloved speaking-though it still hurts.Hugs…

  10. dogdaz says:

    Sorry that it carried over. Tomorrow he will start over again and hopefully this will have passed. Your patience is virtuous.

  11. Sure I’m no expert, but it sounds like he is “feeling” something and you are there for him to try and express it too. Bless him. And you.

  12. Anonymous says:

    when a 3 year old hits out at his mum with the words, “I hate you!” A mother seems to be able to love him even more. You constantly do this for Anthony, and I look on, and keep wondering at your resilience and unconditional love. You are such a gift to this man.

  13. Just keep reminding yourself it isn’t him and it isn’t you, it is the disease… Hope it is just a passing phase.

  14. Vicki says:

    (nearly missed this post). It must be so confusing to try and interpret where some of Anthony’s accusations come from, Julie. Just as well there are the good days to balance these odd ones out. Deep down he will always love you and hold you close to his heart. Nothing can shake that depth of love when you first married.

  15. I feel for you. Anger out of nowhere certainly is tough to deal with. I send you thoughts of strength and love.

  16. I hope those conversations are rare and far between, because they can be upsetting knowing he doesn’t mean the nasty things he may say at times doesn’t mean it won’t hurt usually late at night when in bed

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