jmgoyder

wings and things

The Anthony story: (notes on writing)

on January 8, 2017

Of course I don’t want to call this book The Anthony story (boring title!) but it’s a working title for the moment and allows me to quickly reference posts that are about Anthony’s PDD. I did this way back with the Love story posts and, more recently with the Dementia dialogues posts but unfortunately I keep giving up on my writing goals.

I really want to write something that makes a positive difference to the lives of people with Dementia and those who care for them (friends, family, staff).

Of course Anthony’s story is already written on my blog, in an intermittent way, over the last five years or so. I think, if I were to do nothing else but rewrite/edit this story, it would only take a few weeks. But I keep hesitating, hibernating, hiding….

I’m not quite sure why I have such a sense of fear in writing this story. Perhaps it’s to do with my self-consciousness about the fact that this story is actually about me more than about Anthony. Yes, I think that’s it! After all, Anthony is mostly content whereas I am sometimes a mess.

Those of us who care for a loved one, either at home, or in a nursing home, are probably the most unnoticed group out there. Red Cross, Bethanie and Alzheimer’s Australia groups have now begun to acknowledge and support this growing group of people and I feel so glad to be part of this.

Me: I am writing a book about you, Ants.

Anthony: No, don’t do that, Jules.

Me: Why?

Anthony: You talk too much.

New title of book – Dementia adventures?


17 responses to “The Anthony story: (notes on writing)

  1. susanpoozan says:

    Good luck, I am sure that you are doing the right thing. Loved Anthony’s comment!

  2. I’m sure your book will be valued by many people and a lovely tribute to Anthony as well as cathartic for you to put it all together. Perhaps joining a writing group or finding an editor might be helpful to get it organized. I’d be surprised if it only takes a couple weeks but maybe! Good luck!

  3. ksbeth says:

    i think it will be a wonderful book when it’s finished. it would be hard to write as you are right, it is hard when you are a big part of your own book and you are laid bare to the world, but i think your message and your honesty will help many who have to or will have to go through this process with someone they love.

  4. David says:

    Julie. Respectfully and shyly. ‘Through the lurking glass’?

  5. I like Anthony’s story or our life with Anthony or something like that because it’s more about a person or persons than a disease. Good luck Jules, no matter what you call your book and don’t worry about your hesitation in getting it going, maybe it’s just not time yet. ❤
    Diana xo

  6. Turning the story of your battles with dementia will often be a battle and yes it is Anthony who has dementia but the battle is as much yours as it is here and I think the book will show your struggle as much as it will show his, if that makes any sense

  7. Lynda says:

    Julie, you are not the first person to have these feelings about getting a project started and finished. No matter what it is. Mine is my quilting/sewing.

    Your work here for the most part is in chronological order, and weather you believe it or not, it is mostly done for you. My suggestion? Go through your blog, from beginning to end, and find everything you’ve written about Anthony and his dementia. Then as you find your work copy and paste it, AS IS with a DATE, into a Word document. When you save it call it NOTES. Never permanently change your notes. 😀

    Now you can work on the file, but when you do it the first time save it as a DRAFT. Alternately, you could save it as CHAPTERS. To help you with organization be sure to make an outline of the things you really want to explore/explain in your work. . . I used to hate outlining in HS but grew to love it in University! 😉 I know it is hard to believe, but your thoughts, experience and ideas are all right here, so now it’s time to flesh out your story. Add the details, lessons learned, things from your heart, and perhaps experiences with care givers and/or other patients and their families if they give you permission (in writing of course).

    Oh yes!!! and as you continue to share here copy and paste that into chronological order in your NOTES file. It will save you from mining for it later.

    I hope this helps you.

    It’s going to be amazing when you finish it! ❤

  8. tootlepedal says:

    That was a low blow by Anthony!

  9. Well I’d have to say that I have really been so interested in your story from the blog, you have such an interesting way of telling a story. It can go from serious to cracking a joke and the fact that it IS personal is how you can get away with it. Sorry, my mind is very frazzled at the moment, I can’t string my thoughts together at all…

    Do it, Jules! hahaha, that’s better. As much as society makes you believe it’s important to be private I think how we’ll reach people in years to come will be through our hearts.

  10. Lisa Rest says:

    Two things come to mind. One, how difficult it is to gain perspective, even though that is indeed what you have sought, I think, by writing it all down in your blog. The other thing is how putting it all into a book might seem to contain it, to finish it, as it were, which is on the one hand a wonderful release, and on the other hand, how do you really let it go? I guess all works have a bit of this dilemma but yours is so personal.
    On the other hand it is obviously something you must do, and you will accomplish, I am sure. The phrase that’s been sticking in my mind lately is “we are the stories we tell ourselves.”

  11. That comment of Anthony’s was hilarious! Next time he says you talk too much, you can tell him that you get paid by the word and he’ll get a cut.

  12. I agree with Lynda, but she said it so well.

  13. lensgirl53 says:

    Yours and Ants story is most certainly a love story that should be told! It will be colorful, truthful, joyful and painful. It will have all the elements that life throws at us. It will be anything but boring! I do love how you add the little conversation between you and Anthony that says so much in its brevity. Go for it!!

  14. Judi Lynn says:

    “You talk too much:)” Lord, I love Anthony’s answers. I love your blogs because they center on you and your feelings, dealing with Anthony’s dementia, and how much you love him and he loves you back. It’s your voice and love and joy, even when things are tough, that inspire me. It’s so easy to get discouraged when a loved one is failing that a book that shows all of the positives would be inspiring. You’ll figure it out. Good luck!

  15. Your fear could also be in part that every book has a final chapter, and you will want this one to go on. Tough stuff.

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