wings and things

Regaining equilibrium: Imagined conversation 71

on September 21, 2018

Anthony: Long time, Jules.

Me: I have been keeping our conversations more silent lately.

Anthony: I know, and even those will become less as time goes by.

Me: The strange thing about the pain of grief is that it feels a lot like excitement; it is almost exactly the same sensation, like a slight punch to the stomach that sort of fizzes up into the chest – a small explosion, short-lived.

Anthony: When does it happen?

Me: Well, yesterday I was having coffee with my mother at a chocolate shop and I had the fleeting, split-second thought that I would buy you a box of the new rose-coloured chocolates.

Anthony: Bittersweet?

Me: Yes, both the chocolate and then the inevitable moment that I remembered you were dead.

Anthony: You sound more at peace; that is what I have been praying for.

Me: Since when do you pray?

Anthony: Well it comes with the territory here, Jules.

Me: Oh. Well your prayers are working. I am much more hopeful now.

Anthony: Of what?

Me: Of nothing really – just hopeful.

Screenshot (390)

Illustration courtesy of Colleen at

(Colleen is the friend who is collaborating with me on the book about grief).



16 responses to “Regaining equilibrium: Imagined conversation 71

  1. Anonymous says:

    What a perfect little illustration, simple and profound,like your post and ever so wise Anthony.

  2. susanpoozan says:

    So pleased to read this post and find that you may be on the mend at last.

  3. ksbeth says:

    a perfect collaboration

  4. Beautiful. And a lovely collaboration with the talented Colleen. ❤️

  5. Who I am says:

    i still get that bit of feeling when i see coca-cola items. I used to grab all I could when I found them for my brother

  6. Hopeful, what a gift of a feeling. ♥️

  7. Judy says:

    Isn’t it amazing how those “anniversaries of the heart” weigh us down? I see how once that date passed, you are feeling lighter. Such is the path of grief, filled with potholes – but far easier to navigate with the experience of knowing you will get up and continue to move forward. Nice to read this post, Julie!

  8. tootlepedal says:

    An interesting conversation.

  9. Glad to hear of hope and like the illustration.

  10. lensgirl53 says:

    Hope is a good thing for a grieving heart. What do we have without it?

    I enjoy reading the realness of your imagined conversation! Love and hugs across the oceans, friend.

  11. Busy this summer with grandkids and now school, so I have a lot of catching up to do here. 🙂

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