I was reading a novel the other day in which a nursing home was described as a “dumping ground”. It wasn’t the author of the novel who said this; it was her prissy main character.
I felt as if I had been slapped in the face.
Nursing homes are not dumping grounds! And yet this seems to be a common misperception, often accompanied by barely disguised expressions of absolute horror.
Nursing homes are not houses of horror!
When I recently bumped into an old friend and told her that Anthony was in a nursing home, she reacted with as much distress as if I had told her he’d died.
Okay so the nursing home decision is a last resort and I well remember how the three of us (Anthony, Ming, me) struggled with that decision. It was a mutual decision, hastened by Ming being scheduled for major spinal surgery (scoliosis) on Valentine’s Day that year. I had arranged two weeks of respite accomodation for Anthony at the nursing home while Ming and I headed up to Perth. Long story short, we got back and were told we could have the nursing home room permanently.
Now that decision was horrific – not because I/we had a horror of nursing homes per se, but because of the unexpectedly quick separation. If you don’t take an available room in a nursing home, you might be waiting months if not years, so we said yes. Much of that first year of Anthony living in the nursing home is a blur to me now but my mother tells me I wore the same brown coat day after day, week after week, month after month, and cried all the time. I know I must have blogged about it but I don’t want to re-read those posts at the moment.
Neither do I want to admit the relief I felt at the time but I have to admit it now because I still feel that sense of relief every time I see Anthony. Why? Because the nursing home decision alleviated all of the physical and emotional stress and exhaustion of caring for him and gave me the freedom to care about him again.
Did I stop loving Anthony during those years before the nursing home? Of course not! Did I stop liking Anthony for wanting to go to the loo a thousand times a night? Yes!
The nursing home decision has, over time, replenished my energy, allowed me a social life with family and friends, given me time to write, enabled me to focus more on our beautiful son, and, importantly, gifted me with the ability to fall in love all over again….
With Anthony.
Nursing homes are not dumping grounds; they are, however, the most unvisited resorts in the world.