humour | jmgoyder

Bliss

by jmgoyder

I was so overcome with a sensation of bliss this morning, as I stepped into my writing room, that my heart skipped madly as if it were Julie Andrews frolicking on various hills in The Sound of Music. The bliss has been so overwhelming that I have only been able to write one paragraph of my new short story because the bliss keeps interrupting my train of thought. So hopefully the bliss will be a little less unruly tomorrow and allow me to think more clearly about this short story and, yes, write it.

One of the main characters is named after my friend at the blog http://50-shades-of-gray-hair.com/
Rhonda gave me permission to borrow bits of her personality for the character in my short story. Julie will be the other main character but I’m only going to use bits of my personality too. In other words, the ‘Rhonda’ and the ‘Julie’ in the story are fictional creatures – ha!

This is going to be great fun as soon as I can turn the bliss down to a low hum.

blogging Family Friendship Happiness

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The Writing Room

by jmgoyder

After a few delays, it is finally happening and tomorrow I will take ownership of a brand new space which I will call ‘The Writing Room’ rather than ‘The Office’ where I am sitting now (end of our back veranda, small, musty, messy, windowless, dark, cluttered, no longer conducive to writing that isn’t tainted with smidgens of gloom).

Ming is even more excited than I am about this transition and the naming of the room. He even read my post about ‘The Writing Room’ and praised it (and he hardly ever reads my blog!). Today, he and I went into town to find a table/desk for my new room since the one in here is old and horrible and is where, from now on, I will place all of the bills and other dreaded paperwork.

So we found the perfect table, discounted and easy to put together and, after a bit of trouble with lifting/trolleying it into the house (Ming’s back, my hands) we got it in and he assembled it and here it is!

Tomorrow I will move my chair and computery stuff in and begin to write again in earnest. It has been too long since I had anything published, apart from this blog of course, so I am relishing the idea of a new beginning in ‘The Writing Room.’

blogging Family Happiness

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“I have accepted my Parkinson’s.”

by jmgoyder

Today I met one of the Anglican priests from my mother’s church (well, it’s my church too but I hardly ever go), because I had asked her to pray for me and my pompholyx and for Ants too. She is a beautiful person about my age who came out to the farm a few days after Ming’s car accident and prayed for us and for the whole family, and her name is Sarah.

We met in the parking lot of the nursing home at 1.30pm which was, coincidentally, the same time my mother was planning to meet me to visit Ants. I would have gone into the nursing home with Sarah but unfortunately, after showing her my hands, I burst into tears so had to ring my ma and say Sarah and I would do the praying thing outside and come into the nursing home presently.

So Sarah and I found a seat outside and she prayed and anointed my hands and blessed me while my nose dribbled as I stopped crying. Neither of us had a tissue so I had to wipe my nose on my shirt before we joined my ma and Ants.

They were sitting outside in a little garden area and, after the introductions and greetings, not knowing how much time Sarah had, I got straight to the point.

Me: “Ants, remember how Sister R. used to come over and anoint you with her holy oil?” (Sister R. is a Catholic nun who has been our friend for decades and, despite Anthony not being the least bit religiously inclined, he used to love this).

Ants: “Yes.”

Me: “Well Sarah can do that now.”

Sarah: “Do you want me to, Anthony?”

Anthony: “Mmmm.”

Me: “Yes.”

So Sarah prayed for Ants and anointed him and then we all sat back and had a conversation.

We talked a lot about life, the accident, our kids (Sarah has a daughter nearly the same age as Ming), my mother’s unfortunate collision with a glass door the other day, and my hands. Then Sarah asked Anthony various questions – about his childhood, his siblings, Ming and so on – that elicited answers. I admired her skill at drawing him out because his conversational skills are now very hesitant. Sarah was also very good at waiting silently for his response – fantastic!

Then, in answer to a question about something entirely different, Ants suddenly said this: “I have accepted my Parkinson’s and I still have the power to swear at people I don’t like.”

Oh how much I love this man!

Thank you, Anthony.
Thank you, Mother.
Thank you, Sarah.
Thank you, God (but only if you heal my hands and foot).

On the other hand, maybe I will have to accept my Pompholyx, just as Anthony has accepted his Parkinson’s disease.

Family Friendship Grief Happiness LOVE STORY Parkinson's disease

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Things that go bump in the night

by jmgoyder

You know the other night when Ming and I had that argument and he fled from my wrath to his shed? Well, the argument was about the fact that even though he moved into his shed months ago, he still hadn’t cleared a lot of his stuff out of his bedroom in the house. I had been extreeeeeeeemely patient about his procrastination until that night, when I snapped, the reason being that this bedroom was to become my new office so that I can get out of this little back veranda hovel that the mice like to invade (they like paper).

After Ming stomped off to his shed, muttering things like “You always make me feel so bad”, and me shouting, “Just clear your stuff out tomorrow or I will chuck it all out the front door!” he and I reconciled via texts and he promised to do the job the next day.

Well he kept his promise because at exactly midnight I was awoken by some very noisy activity in his ex-bedroom (which is adjacent to mine). I lay there grinning like a hyena listening to what I realized was Ming moving his stuff out of that room. This went on for about an hour and then all was quiet again, I tiptoed into the next room to find it totally empty! Elation! Then, on the hall table, Ming had left a long list of things he would do when the sun came up. I grinned again and went back to bed.

It wasn’t until after breakfast, that I discovered that he had simply moved all of his stuff into the living room! But it’s okay now – all of it is in his shed which now resembles the chaos of a crime scene (what happened to my neat and tidy boy?)

But my room is ready for me now and I am so excited! It is a room with lots of history because it used to be Anthony’s mother’s room, then it was the office where I wrote my PhD, then it was Ming’s childhood bedroom. We have now taken the huge musk-pink carpet mat out (over 40 years old) to reveal the beautiful jarrah floorboards, and Ming has vacuumed from corner to corner and cleaned the windows inside and out, and we have arranged for a handyman to fix the cracks and holes in the wall and ceiling. Then we will get my painter friend in to paint it crimson (just joking – white!)

It is a big, light-filled room with a view to the front paddock from the north-facing windows. That’s where I will put my desk, computer etc. tomorrow!

The interesting thing about this little adventure is that, for me, it feels like I will have my own beautiful space in this house for the first time in 20 years. It’s not that I felt deprived but, having married an older man and moved into an already established household, I have never quite felt a sense of ownership and, in terms of making any sort of mark, I have done very little in the way of interior decorating, renovating or changing anything – so much so that when Anthony’s relatives drop in they feel they have stepped back in time!

I have decided to call this old/new room my writing room. A new beginning. It will be wonderful to move out of the hovel of an office I am in now where things go bump in the night constantly, especially in the ceiling where rodents, goannas and possibly snakes have sprinting competitions.

Ah, the joy of change!

Animal blogging Family Friendship Happiness LOVE STORY Wings

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Taboo topic: poo!

by jmgoyder

We all do it but, after the age of around 4 or 5, it becomes a bit taboo to talk about poo. It is an intrinsic part of everyday life but is clothed in secrecy. In nursing homes and hospitals, however, the activity of the bowels is all-important: “Have you used your bowels today, Mr Smith?”

Years ago, when I worked in a hostel for multihandicapped (I don’t know if that is the politically correct term any more; suffice it to say that all of the residents were people with both intellectual and physical disabilities), we had a chart in the shared bathroom in which we had to record daily poo production in cups. Don’t get me wrong – we didn’t use cups, but we had to look at what each person produced and imagine how many cups it might equal.

As a nurse and/or care-giver, you get so used to poo that cleaning it up becomes more of a tedious than a revolting job. At least now there are plastic gloves and pull-up adult nappies which makes things a lot easier on the carer and the sufferer.

I don’t want to personalize this into an Anthony-and-Julie situation here; I just want to speak generally in a way that kind of (hopefully) demystifies this particular type of incontinence and makes it easier to cope with.

The first time it happens it is, of course, humiliating and ghastly for the poo-victim and quite frightening for the carer. Above all, do NOT make the person feel worse than they already do. The next thing you need to do is to remain extremely calm and pragmatic. Just do what you have to do as quickly as possible and try to remember your 5-year-old poo jokes. The ability to hold your breath, and the invention of room deodorizer, are good additions to the situation.

My point: being able to use your bowels means you are still a living, breathing, eating, functioning person, so pooing is a very good thing. So rejoice in the poo! Don’t be afraid of it! It is normal!

It can also be a great conversation starter: “Remember the time when you ….?” Raucous laughter may sometimes accompany these conversations, which is a hell of a lot better than misery.

Just saying…. it might be you one day.

Family Friendship Grief Happiness LOVE STORY Parkinson's disease

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Tomorrow is always waiting for you.

by jmgoyder

Today was pretty awful and was made worse by a mother/son argument that escalated into recriminations, guilt, and ‘walk away’ tactics. To some extent, this worked but Ming and I were still so miserable – he in his shed and me in the house. So we began texting each other and have now established that I am the boss and he is the slave and he has even called me ‘Commander’; this is a good move.

Oh the joy of tomorrow! Of course tomorrow brings a fair few uncertainties but it mostly brings the excitement of anticipation, adventure and something new and fresh … and a new Ming, a new me and, maybe, a new Anthony!

Tomorrow is a gift.

blogging Family Friendship Grief Happiness LOVE STORY Parkinson's disease Wings

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A conversation with dementia

by jmgoyder

I realize that the title of this post sounds odd but sometimes, in my conversations with Anthony, it is as if I am talking to two people: 1. Anthony-familiar (Ants); and 2. Anthony-with-dementia (AD). Here is a rendition of today’s conversation in the nursing home.

Ants: When did you get here?
Me: Right this minute.
Ants: Where did you come from?
Me: Home.

AD: Ming and I got all of those calves rounded up and into the paddock in front of the house. They are all in good condition.
Me: Oh! When did you do this?
AD: Yesterday, after you left. We also fixed the fence.
Me: That’s fantastic – thank you.
AD: You don’t need to thank me – it’s my job.
Me: Yes, but it’s a relief to know all of the calves are okay and the fence is finally fixed. I was a bit worried.
AD: Ming is a good worker.
Me: Well you and Ming are a great team. It’s wonderful that you are teaching him how to do these things because I wouldn’t have a clue.
AD: We just need to fix up the other boundary fence now [trying to get up out of his chair]
Me: Well Ming isn’t here now so can we wait until tomorrow when you come home?
AD: Okay.

Ants: Bloody rotten about Ming’s back.
Me: Well your back isn’t the best but look how well you coped.
Ants: I think his is worse. He could have done anything if he didn’t have that back.
Me: We just have to accept it now, Ants – Ming has.

AD: I’m still going to need his help though, on the farm.
Me: Of course!
Ants: Tomorrow?
Me: Yes.

Tomorrow is Sunday so I will be picking Ants up around 10.30am to come home for the day, and Ming will take him back to the nursing home in the afternoon. Ants has requested smoked salmon and avocado sandwiches so that is easily done.

I would be lying if I said I am looking forward to tomorrow because, no matter how much I want Ants home, and no matter how much he will love being home, it is going to be an extremely difficult day for Ming and me. There will be a lot of lifting, toiletting, confusion, frustration, barely restrained angst (Ming), and barely restrained sorrow (me). By 3pm Anthony will begin to falter and by 4pm he will be unable to walk at all so I will have to get Ming to take him back to the nursing home at 3pm and Anthony will get upset.

On the other hand, perhaps I should just alter my thinking a bit. We will have four hours together, the sandwiches will be delicious and we will give Anthony a million hugs. In fact, I reckon the whole hug thing is underrated because, during today’s conversation, I decided to give Ants a hug every time it got a bit too confusing for me and his big/small arms around me were much more powerful than any words.

I will just have to tell Ming to go easy on his habit of hugging Anthony rather ferociously because it scares the hell out of Ants!

blogging Family Friendship Grief Happiness LOVE STORY Parkinson's disease

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Sitting ducks

by jmgoyder

I have a new respect for birders and people who take photographs of wild birds. This morning I went outside with my camera specifically to take photos of wild (as opposed to tame) birds.

There was an abundance of course, all flying to and fro, landing in the trees, frolicking on the lawn, singing raucously, and playing hide and seek (from me!)

So I had to content myself with my happy-to-pose-for-you sitting ducklings.

Here is one of Michael Jackson who has developed some stylish markings on his head:

And here are Misha and Freckle:

I will keep trying with the wild birds ….

Tomorrow.

Animal Happiness Wings

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The wild birds!

by jmgoyder

We have a lot of crows, parrots, doves, magpies, willy wagtails, wrens, and other wild birds, who hang around a lot more then they used to here. This is obviously due to the overabundance of wheat (which is what I give all of the peafowl, guinnea fowl, and the gang).

This afternoon I decided to sit down and watch quietly as the wild birds fluttered and tiptoed into the tame birds’ little sanctuary. Tomorrow I plan to take better photos but here are a couple of Gutsy9 sharing a bowl of wheat with two crested pigeons.

(I actually thought these guys were doves until I googled their description. I feel really knowledgeable now.)

Animal Happiness Wings

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The peachicks have chosen a new bedtime tree

by jmgoyder

Queenie’s chicks have become incredibly assertive. They take the food out of her mouth, fly at her aggressively if she is in the wheat bowl, and now they even choose the bedtime tree. Last night they decided to move to another tree while poor Queenie waited in the original bedtime tree. These two peachicks are absolute brats!