jmgoyder

wings and things

Mar 12

The beautiful babies

by jmgoyder

My mother invited me for lunch today at her house because my first niece, her husband and ten-month-old baby would be there. Here is a photo of him with me; he is my first great-nephew.

IMG_0817Two days ago my second great-nephew was born to my second nephew and wife. He, the baby, joins his two-year-old sister (my first great-niece); and my first nephew’s partner is expecting their child soon!

I’m sorry if this sounds complicated but my two brothers have five children each and, despite wanting to shout out the joy, I am very aware of their privacy. My oldest brother is now grandfather to three and my youngest brother is on the brink of being a grandfather for the first time.

Anyway, today my lunch offering consisted a couple of Dvds that Ming had recently arranged to be converted from old videos. In one of them, there was Ming at the exact same age as the schnookums you see above, bearing a remarkable resemblance.

In Anthony’s family, there were many more siblings, hence many more nieces, nephews, great-nieces and great-nephews, and an assortment of cousins, second-cousins, third-cousins … so it is sometimes very difficult for me to remember who is whom. On the other hand, I keep in touch with at least one person in each of his sibling’s families, sharing a reciprocal fondness for those who either visit Ants and/or support me (and Ming of course).

And to the little prince born the other day … Welcome!

 

 

 

 

 

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Mar 11

Food, glorious food

by jmgoyder

One of the things I often say to Anthony, when I am leaving him to come home, is that I am going grocery shopping. As he was, and still is, a great lover of food, our grocery conversations often flow like this:

Me: I need to go to the butcher shop before they close. Do you want me to get some steak?

Anthony: Yes but not, not ….

Me: Not T-Bone?

Anthony: Fillet.

Me: But I love T-Bone! Why do you always insist on fillet?

Anthony: Better value.

Way back when Ants was home and still fit, his method of cooking steak on the barbecue was absolutely brilliant. He had it down to a fine art and wouldn’t let anyone help. The steak was always absolutely mouthwateringly delicious (as were my accompanying salads of course!) Apart from our many merry guests over the years, the only additional accoutrement was hot English mustard; wine and beer were a given.

Oh how I miss those days!

Anthony’s dementia means he is spared from the kind of nostalgia I feel because ‘those days’ are still here somehow and this afternoon he happily sent me off to the butcher’s for tonight’s steak.

He doesn’t know that, while one of the wonderful carers is feeding him his dinner right now, I am home, steak-less but smiling with these very happy food memories….

And eating yesterday’s popcorn!

 

Australia blogging Family food Friendship Grief Happiness Humour joy LOVE STORY Marriage nursing homes Parkinson's disease Parkinson's disease dementia Western Australia

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Mar 7

Dementia dialogues

by jmgoyder

I was writing these snippets on Facebook but, now that I’m having a break from Facebook (because I keep getting confused about what I have written where!) I’m just writing them here.

As I was trying to reposition Ants in his armchair the other day, this was our conversation:

Anthony: You’re such a great big thing aren’t you.

Me: What? How dare you!

Anthony: Well you are!

Me: That’s only because you’ve become a tiny little dandelion!

Anthony: Yes, but I have power.

Me: Oh you do, do you?

Anthony: You still love me.

Well, he does have a valid point!

 

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Mar 5

Shenanigans

by jmgoyder

I remember the day, decades ago, when I discovered an enormous spider in the kitchen of Anthony’s house. Anthony was milking the cows and his mother, who we all called ‘Gar’, was having her afternoon nap, and I was trying to get the lumps out the white sauce I was trying to make on the Aga, to mix with the tinned salmon. I was nineteen and, even though I’d lived in Papua New Guinea for three years and I wasn’t afraid of spiders, I thought it best if I killed this particular giant.

So I found the fly spray and used almost the whole can to crumple the spider onto the kitchen floor. It died simultaneously with the white sauce which I only just rescued the Aga from (another story).

When Anthony came in from milking, I told him about my heroics proudly. He was aghast.

Anthony: You killed Martha?

Me: What do you mean?

Anthony: Martha is our pet spider, Jules.

Me: Oh no, I’m so sorry.

Anthony: Mum will be devastated.

Me: But you didn’t tell me you had a pet spider. Why didn’t you tell me?

Anthony: Where is she?

Me: Your mum? She’s resting.

Anthony: No – where is Martha?

Me: I’m so sorry but I put her into the outside rubbish bin. (I begin to cry).

Anthony: Jules – I am kidding!

Okay, so over 35 years later, I am sitting next to Anthony in the nursing home and he is boringly slumbery, so I put my face up close – nose to nose – and shout “Wake up!” His eyes open but he doesn’t focus. I keep my face close to his and all of a sudden he launches up in his armchair with an unexpectedly loud “BOO!”and nearly head-butts me.

Me: You scared the hell out of me, Ants!

Anthony: That was the desired effect, my dear.

 

 

 

 

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Mar 4

Trickery

by jmgoyder

Ming has a new job at a different restaurant but has been called in so often over the last few days that he hasn’t had time to wash the one white shirt and blue apron he was given.

He is not just fiercely independent, he is ferociously independent, so all of my offers to wash these items have been rejected.

But this morning he has gone to Perth by train to pick up a second-hand ute (truck) we’ve bought to replace our old unregistered one. He will be back by noon.

So I have a window of time in which to secretly wash and dry the shirt and the apron (separately of course). The shirt is now nearly dry and the apron is in the washing machine.

Once both items are clean and dry, I will have to fling them onto the chair where Ming left them last night, so that he won’t suspect.

Wish me luck!

Family Happiness Humour

21 Comments »
Mar 3

Elton John

by jmgoyder

Elton John made a guest appearance on one of those daytime shows  yesterday and so I put the volume of Anthony’s television up. As soon as Elton starting performing, Anthony began to wave his arms and tap his knees.

Me: You should be a conductor!

Anthony: Yes, I’ve been told that before.

I love these moments of hilarity!

 

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Feb 21

“Ming the Merciless”

by jmgoyder

During Ming’s last year at high school, all of the kids were allowed to imprint on their grammar school jackets an emblem or phrase that represented who they were. Ming chose “Ming the Merciless”.

And that he is! This week, he mercilessly told me some home truths about how my sadness about Anthony affects him. This has been followed by many lengthy philosophical conversations about a whole lot of topics including life, death, love, loss, grief, acceptance. Occasionally he and I have cried together about our different heartbreaks, comforted each other by just listening, and made plans to get out of our individual ruts.

Ming is not merciless at all. He is the kindest person I have ever known and the way he cares so much about me, and Ants too, is extraordinary in its depth. I think back to all of those nights when Ming slept in the bed next to Anthony’s in order to give me a break from what we called ‘the night shifts’ and I am so grateful for his help, patience, love and comfort.

Now, at 22, this child/man of ours is, understandably, a bit tired of both Anthony and me, but he cares so much that he doesn’t ever want to leave the farm. He gets a lot of peer pressure to ‘get out there’ but he wants to stay put for the time being, work as a waiter, earn some money, and be here for both Ants and me.

And, no matter how many times I tell him that we don’t want him trapped into feeling he has to be here for us, he just reiterates that he loves this home, that he doesn’t want to go anywhere at the moment, that he is content.

Ming is so much like Anthony in this way; Ants knew how to go with the flow, work hard and he had no delusions; he was content with, and proud of, life as a dedicated dairy farmer despite the changes that wreaked havoc with the industry many year ago. I have always admired Anthony’s lackadaisical attitude to life and work and his acceptance of every single ‘whatever’. Ming has this capacity too but he is merciless against himself!

I am so proud of this amazing son of ours – Ming the Merciless!

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18 Comments »
Jan 12

Anthony’s hilarious sarcasm!

by jmgoyder

Yesterday, when my mother visited us at the nursing home, she asked me how one of her friends was; her friend is in the dementia cottage where I worked for awhile last year. So I said, “Let’s go and visit her!” So we did. I love going there to see the wonderful women (residents and staff).

I told Ants we’d be back soon as the dementia cottage is just around the corner from where he is – in the high care section.

ME: Ants, we’re just going to visit some of the neighbours.
ANTHONY: What about me?
ME: I’ll be back really soon, okay. You stay here.
ANTHONY: I suppose I’ll see you in two or three weeks then.

He has a gift for sarcasm – always has!

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17 Comments »
Jan 11

Bright eyes!

by jmgoyder

I feel compelled to record these updates on Anthony’s health, so that I will remember in the future. The unpredictability of his daily condition is just that – unpredictable. After days of silence and sleepiness, today his eyes were wide open (one of the many symptoms of PD is not blinking, so this makes his eyes very wide!)

Me: You look like an owl!
Anthony: I …
Me: Clear your throat – c’mon, cough!
Anthony: Coughing.
Me: So what did you want to say?
Anthony: Where is your mother?

Okay, so a little background information for those who don’t know. My mother is 81 and fighting fit despite numerous health challenges (cancer, broken hip, pelvis, wrist). She lives independently in a town not far from here and she is the epitome of maternal/grand-maternal etc.

The fact that she visits Ants so often – around twice each week and more if I need a break – is testament to her amazing love for me, her only daughter.

Today, she and I joked with Ants, and his eyes lit up several times, with mirth and affection and, of course, confusion.

Thanks, Mama!

Australia blogging Embarrassing moments Family Friendship Grief Happiness Humour joy LOVE STORY Marriage nursing homes Parkinson's disease Parkinson's disease dementia Teenagers Western Australia Wings

22 Comments »
Jan 8

Once upon a time 4

by jmgoyder

The young woman was employed as a ‘nanny’ to two angelic-looking monsters, aged 2 and 3. She had thought her London job would be somehow exotic but, instead, she found herself dealing with a young, professional couple of parents who, despite having produced two children, didn’t have a clue what to do with them. The mother’s passionate advice to the nanny was “Don’t ever use the word ‘no’. I don’t want them to know about ‘no'”. The father, on coming home from work to find his two boys climbing the ceilings with an abundance of no ‘no’ energy, would weep freely into the reluctant shoulder of the nanny.

You would think, wouldn’t you, that this situation would distract the young woman from her love for the dairy farmer. Instead, it had the opposite affect and she became intensely homesick for Australia, for her mother and brothers, for the dairy farmer (of course!) and for the dairy farmer’s brother’s family.

That Christmas, the dairy farmer’s tall, shy sister-in-law decided to leave a cassette tape recorder on so that the young woman/nanny could share, in retrospect, the buzz of that day. When the young woman/nanny received this tape recording she was in the midst of preventing and/or throwing the angelic looking monsters out of her attic window. But when she pressed ‘play’ it all changed, as she and her two charges listened intently to the voices of gleeful children opening presents, messages from each of the white-haired children, the kindness in the tall, shy woman’s voice, the gruff affection in her husband’s. And then there was his voice – just four words: “Hi Jules, happy Christmas!”

Australia blogging Embarrassing moments Family Friendship Happiness Humour joy LOVE STORY Marriage

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