jmgoyder

wings and things

Negative comments

on February 4, 2013

In over a year, and hundreds of posts, I have been fortunate not to have received any negative comments on the blog. Until today.

The negative comment was uttered in response to my post about ‘doing the right thing’ yesterday.

It was personal, exclamatory and gave me a bit of a shock because I am so fond of this person.

Strangely, I welcomed the comment (better to get a negative comment from a friend rather than a stranger I guess), and, instead of deleting it, I decided to respond and make both comments public.

This has made me very curious about how other bloggers respond to negative comments. Do tell!


105 responses to “Negative comments

  1. artsifrtsy says:

    I haven’t had to deal with negative comments on my blogs yet – but I do get them on a Facebook page I manage for my work. Unless they are inflammatory I don’t remove them. I have found that the crowd will let them know that they are out of line.

  2. I’ve had 3 occasions..shortly after I started blogging there were two non-Christians who took it upon themselves to challenge my beliefs. I exchanged a few times as they seemed honest questions but then the comments became belligerent so I respectfully withdrew…but left the comments on. But the third time it was actually a Christian who challenged me and another blogger openly and it got quite complex in that she left comments even on other blogs I did. After explaining to her I didn’t feel it was in the best interest to continue….I did delete all the details because it was not nice and for others reading bits and pieces here and there it was confusing. But that’s the only time I did….I think it depends on the spirit and content…Diane

  3. You can never please everyone. Just stay true to yourself.

  4. SnapInTime says:

    I had to go back and read through your comments on that entry to find what you were talking about first… I do feel you did the right/more mature thing in leaving the comment and replying to it. I haven’t had any comments like this yet on my blog but have run into this issue on Facebook and other Internet forums. Usually leaving the posts as is and replying to them as rationally as possible is the best course of action. If the other person resorts to personal attacks or very immature behavior it doesn’t take long for that to become obvious. It also doesn’t take long for others to step in. I’ve only deleted comments or entire posts on my Facebook wall or on forums when they have disintegrated into completely derogatory stuff- where people have no interest in civil conversation but only in starting problems, but that’s been very rare.

    • jmgoyder says:

      I really appreciate your feedback here. I guess, once you’re ‘out there’ either on FB or blogosphere, you/we are fairly (or unfairly?) easy targets. Bring it on, I say!

  5. victoriaaphotography says:

    I can’t remember getting negative comments on my photoblog to be honest, but if I did, they probably rolled over my head. If I really didn’t like something, I’d probably delete it, I guess.

    It’s easy to misinterpret words & sentences on the internet too. Without the ability to see facial expressions, its easy to read sentences in different ways (especially if the writer doesn’t punctuate their sentence correctly or is creative/colourful in the use of capital letters, exclamation marks or slang).

    The good part about personal blogs is that you are in control of your own blog and can censor it how you wish.

    In real life, its easy to misinterpret words & gestures, or lack thereof, too.

    What we DON’T say, or DON’T do, can be just as bad! (Big Grin).

  6. Susan says:

    You are generous and loving, Julie. I wish this was Facebook and your crowd could do what Artsifrtsy suggests and let this person know they were way out of line!

  7. When blogging I think that diplomacy has its place. I would hate to upset anyone, especially not knowing their full circumstances. We have to remember that everyone has different beliefs and ideals.
    I once responded to someone’s comment, a comment I intended for her alone. Another viewer took exception to it, although it had nothing to do with her – the subject whether or not to have a career or children!!! Now I am more cautious.

  8. bulldog says:

    Well firstly I hope it wasn’t me that inadvertently posted a negative comment… I don’t think so… but I have not had that as yet, but what I have had is a few political comments that I merely delete after answering them… don’t do this for arguments or to upset people.. but if they don’t like something I post about don’t read it and if you comment expect it to be deleted and I will immediately un follow from their blog if I’m following them… Julie one doesn’t need negativity in your life with what you are having to cope with… tell them to fly a kite and delete… that’s what I would do… so if you answer me with “Go fly a kite” I’ll know it was me…

  9. I went back through the comments; I think I found the one you meant.

    What I will say is that nuance is often lost on the internet. If it’s the one I think it is, it seemed to me that the person meant well, even if the expression was a little off. Of course, you know that person when I don’t, so your reading of it may be exactly right!

    I have been fortunate to have only one negative comment, early on in my blogging. I made a joke about vegetarians and a reader took me to task. I hate offending anyone so I apologised but, looking back, I think that the reader was over-sensitive and I should have had more courage. It was not a malicious joke and I learned that that particular reader doesn’t have much in the way of a sense of humour.

    All we can be is ourselves, with a little consideration.

    I don’t think the post you made was out of order: you felt upset about something and shared that. Don’t feel bad.

  10. niasunset says:

    Dear Julie, I haven’t had yet but I don’t know what to do… I think you did good. Why do the people make negative comment, I wll never understand… Have a nice day dear Julie, love, nia

  11. catchatcaren says:

    since i have a cat blog and a dog blog, cats and dogs don’t usually evoke negative responses, but occasionally there will be a sarcastic comment. Unless they are abusive i just leave them there.
    With the type of a blog that you have, where you are baring your soul and secrets for ALL to see…..since you are “putting it out there” you have to expect it to come back. That doesn’t mean that one has to be rude but you have to expect opposing opinions. Opposing opinions aren’t a bad thing……they often lead to discussion. Rudeness IS a bad thing and should not be tolerated. If someone is rude, hit DELETE.

  12. Hope it wasn’t me! I think you are extraordinary and you have often inspired me.
    Cheers,
    Diana

  13. Family is complicated — and sometimes so is blogging! πŸ™‚

    Someone occassionally posts something that grates on my nerves — I smile, (after I get over my initial — wtf?) recognize the grating is mine, post it (as long as it’s not rude) and thank them for… caring enough to share. I can tell on those days when they’ve gotten under my skin though -I sometimes post back more than just my simple, Thanks for sharing. πŸ™‚

    If this one is the comment I think — it isn’t what they said that would bother me as much as they named names. and that’s not ‘right’. You didn’t name names in your post — and in their doing that, they targetted the comment specifically — and that’s where it gets nasty.

    In the end, you know the relationship you do or don’t have, and in the process, you have to do what feels right within you — and one thing you prove over and over again Jules, is that you do not go out of your way to harm other people. You live your kindness, considerateness, compassion and truth beautifully.

  14. Anonymous says:

    I think I know which comment you mean and, as Tilly says, knowing the person will possibly mean you can maybe read more into it than we can. I also think that comments can be misunderstood when you cannot see the face of the person commenting – smiley faces and exclamation marks don’t always convey exactly the right mood. Of course, I am not suggesting that you have misunderstood this person’s comments at all, just saying that it can be hard to always know the tone of the comment. I think the post you wrote was perfectly fine – you were expressing how you felt, which is what you do in your blog!

    I’ve not had any negative comments, or overly personal ones, but I think I might try and deal with them politely, as you did, and move on. If the comment was offensive (either in language, or subject matter) then I would probably delete it.

  15. Ok, at first I was like “Oh, no! Did I leave a comment that sounded bad???”

    I’ve had a few (several) negative comments. I do the same as you did. I leave them, because everyone is entitled to have their say, especially if I leave the comments turned on. And I too, try to respond, kindly if at all possible.

    You don’t deserve negative comments though. Not. At. All.
    ~FringeGirl

  16. TBM says:

    At first I started to panic and thought did I write something stupid. and then I felt bad since I haven’t visited in a while due to the flu. Not sure what to do with negative comments. So far I’ve been lucky, but I’m not a big fan of negative. constructive I can take, but negative–that’s just not nice.

  17. I feel for you so much! I am so conflict averse that this would be bothering me very much. I haven’t encountered any negative comments as of yet but I know that if someone who I knew and liked made a negative comment on a post on an issue that is so difficult for me to deal with both emotionally and physically, it would send me in a mini depression. This is your blog and your space, it should be your safe place. And you would think that the world would inherently know that and respect that. You are brave and strong, I know that you will let it go and continue on, but know that you have a whole community of readers and friends who support and admire you!

  18. dcwisdom says:

    Yes, eventually it happens. Something rubs someone the wrong way, and they takes it upon themselves to tell you how wrong you are or what you should believe or whatever they self-impose. A person (never could figure out who it was) who knew my family left a nasty comment about one of my sisters which I deleted. I’ve had a few attack me personally, and I leave them there just because my friends know me and because I don’t mind a little controversy. Makes it spicy. I think you handle your responses quite well, and I also know that your situation is volatile which can change your emotional outlook by the minute. Sometimes, comments come at a bad time which doesn’t help; that’s why commenters should know the whole picture before leaving judgmental comments. Don’t you think?
    And then, some people are just plain mean.

  19. dan4kent says:

    Dear JM — I had a friend who used to tell me that everyone deserves a hello, a drink of water and a good-bye. You demonstrated more character in resisting the urge to whitewash the comment (as long as it is within the bounds of blog courtesy). If you’re pleasing everyone, all the time, you’re probably doing something wrong. You’re fine. Your posts routinely add to me in all kinds of ways. Thank you. Dan

  20. I don’t get many, and when I do I ignore them. Or delete them. Who has time for those trolls?

  21. I get rid of them – life is too short to host these people – I went back and found it and I think you should trash their comment

  22. mrsbauthor says:

    I had a situation in which a blogger sent me something very nasty through my contact page. I was going to post it on my blog, but I decided against. I choose not to give that silly fool attention. Luckily, I have not had a negative comment on any of my posts – yet. Your are fabulous person. πŸ™‚

  23. Monica says:

    I think it’s great that you brought this up. Negative comments on blogs, Facebook, and – ouch – in real life. How do we manage them? Sounds to me like you’re doing just what you should be on all fronts.

  24. janeslog says:

    I used to manage a football club website in Scotland. In the West of Scotland there are two main football clubs – Glasgow Rangers and Glasgow Celtic.

    Rangers is the team supported by Scottish Presbyterians and Celtic is supported by people descended from Irish Catholics. Come to Glasgow and one of the first questions you will be asked is what school you went to.This is really a question asking what your religion is.

    Anyway, the football team website I managed was for a lower division club which was largely supported by people who also supported Rangers.

    Most of the time I received good comments and posts on the forum, but occasionally I was sent comments from Celtic supporters which was so abusive they could not be published.

    There are always people who will always give negative comments – these people may be regarded as nasty pieces of work and are best ignored. However, some people will give constructive criticism and they should be engaged in discussion as these people often have very good advice to give.

    Always beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves (Gospel of Matthew 7:15, King James Version). The sermon then suggests that their true nature will be revealed by their actions (by their fruits shall ye know them, verse 16).

    • jmgoyder says:

      Thank you so much for this, Jane – I have copied it to my favourites with your name – brilliant!

      • janeslog says:

        I am a good judge of people and a friend of mine who is high up in the Salvation Army often asks my opinion of people and what I think of them.

        Some people can portray a nice and friendly image, but this is sometimes a veneer which hides a less friendly image. Try and get to see through people who are not quite what they seem.

        I remember a few years ago when I travelled home in the train from work and a man and a young boy of about 3 or 4 years old came on the train a few stations after me.

        He was always talking loudly and was nice and friendly to the young boy until one day he went off his head and started beating the boy. Other passengers restrained the man and the train was held up until the police arrived at the next station to take both of them away to the police station.

        I have never forgotten this and always thought the man was acting a bit too friendly for my liking – this was proved to be true when he started hitting the boy.

  25. mrsbauthor says:

    Hello…I forgot to mention on my comment that I nominated you for the Very Inspiring Bloggers Award. You are an inspiration. Through good or bad times, you always manage to maintain positive on your posts. Thank you for sharing your life with us. πŸ™‚

  26. diannegray says:

    I’ve never experienced any negative comments, Julie but I know others who have. I think it was very brave of you to leave it up there and respond politely the way you did πŸ˜‰

  27. terry1954 says:

    I guess I missed it all with being sick, but I do know that anyone who makes a negative comment towards you, doesn’t know you very well because you are the sweetest friend

  28. adinparadise says:

    I haven’t had any negative comments on my WordPress blog, but i did have a couple of people who took something I said in jest, as serious. I just ignored them and carried on regardless. No sense of humour, obviously.

  29. I don’t get many negative comments but if I do then so be it I wll leave it up I will reply but I will not get into a mud slinging comp…………I believe everyone is allowed to have their own opinion even if it is not the same as mine…….I do not leave negative comments well I hope I don’t I try not to……..

  30. Trisha says:

    Hmmmm. I haven’t had to deal with that particular issue yet. I hope that when I do I can handle it as well as you did. It seems like you once again did the right thing.

  31. Trisha says:

    Hmmmm. I haven’t had to deal with that particular issue yet. I hope that when I do I can handle it as well as you did. It seems like you once again did the right thing.

  32. sbcallahan says:

    i can sometimes say things that are meant to be humor but if others don’t get it as so then it can seem negative. if it were me please forgive me. you are so kind and funny that i worry about you from time to time. afraid you won’t stand up for yourself. what you have done here is one way of saying it was not ok. i would ask if the person meant it to be negative or were they just saying it wrong.

  33. elizabeth says:

    I haven’t had to deal with negative responses on my blog Julie, but I had two neices (adults/sisters) who took offense that I shared my mother’s health status with family on my facebook page. It got quite nasty. They both deleted me from their friends list. How sad is that?

    There will always be at least one who, for what ever reason, will take umbridge. I believe we must deal with it head-on and make decisions at the time as to whether or not these folk should be allowed to write nasty or hurtful things about us. WE have the power! Haha. I think you handled the negative comment beautifully.

    When another’s behavior hurts the ones we love–that’s a whole nuther story! πŸ™‚

  34. dou dou says:

    Telling someone to “get over it” can be very offensive, obviously you were wounded by what happened and you are not over it. Maybe they don’t understand your feelings, but they should still take them into consideration. Although, I would not hold out hope for this after what happened at the wedding. And I really don’t know if “doing the right thing” means not holding people accountable for their crappy behavior.

  35. kdkh says:

    My mom likes to comment on my blog and over-shares stuff from my childhood that isn’t welcome. I just edit out the stuff I don’t like.She still comments, but sometimes she just sends an email with all the stuff she wants to say. She doesn’t have good boundaries, so I have to make them for her.

  36. viveka says:

    I hope it’s wasn’t me that … came out as negative. I should totally ignore comments like that. Rude people we don’t have time left over for .. we are going to dance until our shoes cry. *smile

  37. lucewriter says:

    OK, you hooked me. I went back to the last post and looked for the comment. I couldn’t find it. Maybe I had the wrong post or maybe you have since taken it down or maybe it didn’t occur to me something was negative? On one of my blogs I’ve had people disagree with something I’ve said, and that’s ok, although sometimes it feels a little hurtful. I’ve been so lucky not to have a true negative (yet) as I know it would hurt my feelings (insert sheepish face here). You, on the other hand, obviously handled yourself very well. Good job!

  38. Ouch, Julie. What a very public face-slap. All negative comments sting, and I commend you for leaving it up there, and answering with such a level head. My grandmothers always taught me to do the right thing, especially in family situations. and to ‘rise above’ the pettiness and politics of others. Just keep being you, sweetheart. You’re a class act!

  39. fgassette says:

    Sorry someone was rude to you. Hope it was not me.

    BE ENCOURAGED! BE BLESSED!

  40. eof737 says:

    I delete negative comments… I just don’t have the time or energy to waste on them… Sorry probably not the answer you’d want to hear. I applaud your effort.

  41. Judith Post says:

    Arrrgh! I’m still not getting your posts. Not too computer savvy, but just tried something else. Hope it works. I love your writing!

  42. It just depends on what kind of a negative comment it is. There are helpful negative comments, and then there are those mean “I just want to be negative” commnets. The latter I have no problem deleting and putting that person on my banned list. I have no time for people who are negative just for the sake of being negative.

  43. Reminds me of something I once heard Maya Angelou say when someone entered her home with a negative attitude, “You are welcome here but your negativity is not. I suggest you take it out the door.” Your blog site is your cyber home. You decide what you want to let in, and expose to others. It’s the cyber energy you create into life and your right to present it how it sits well with your heart. I mean, why not? If you want to keep it there for the sake of dialogue and to show civil dialogue or for whatever your reason is nothing wrong with that. And, there’s also nothing wrong with not allowing negativity to enter any of your homes. My humble opinion for what it’s worth. Paulette

  44. WordsFallFromMyEyes says:

    I thought I commented on this one… or read it at least.

    But you know what I went through! Remember 2012 – negative comments in MULTIPLES by my sister, and creating new email addresses just to continue getting through to me. I would not wish that on an enemy.

    I hope all your feedback here helped you over that one, Julie. Hope it ended with the negatives, too.

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