jmgoyder

wings and things

If something is beyond your control, stop trying!

We have five peahens (female version of peacocks) who have been missing for about a week. As it is mating + nesting season here in Western Australia, it is quite likely that they are either hiding together and sitting on their eggs. But it is also likely that they have all been killed by foxes, and their eggs eaten.

All of the males are still around and call out constantly (imagine a wildcat’s yowl multiplied by several hundred decibels), but the only peahens still here are the two white Princesses and Gutsy9.

I have looked in the hayshed, listened for chicky sounds in the paddocks, and driven around the block in this little country town, searching for them – all to no avail – so now I don’t have any choice other than to give up and let nature take its course. I miss seeing those five girls fly into the trees at dusk and I hope they are okay and that we will see a few chicks but I am beginning to wonder now.

This didn’t happen last year because all but the two adults (King and Queenie) were still too young to do the mating thing properly – and I am still not quite sure how G9 survived before I found her!

I hope the peahens come back but maybe they are gone. There is no point trying to control what is, what was, and, sometimes, what will be, so I have stopped trying.

What will be will be.

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Powerful!

I follow the blog of a wonderful woman, Nicole Cody, who writes with such positive, energetic wisdom that sometimes it takes my breath away. In her post today, she invites us to choose a “Power Word” for 2014 – see http://cauldronsandcupcakes.com/

Lots of possible words came to mind: gratitude, laughter, healing, energy, harmony … but then I suddenly realized that I wanted my own power word to be the word, power itself. Or, to be more exact, the word, powerful!

POWERFUL – yes, I like it!

For me, this word doesn’t mean that I want to stomp, Godzilla-like, on anybody or anything; instead, it signifies a transition from the flailing, exhausted, try-too-hard strength I already have to a more spiritual, muscle-bound ability to contend with all 2014’s challenges, and embrace all of 2014’s joys with the kind of gratitude that is loud and fierce and inviolable.

The weird thing is that as soon as I chose my power word, my limp became a leap, and my wrinkled heart grinned itself into a balloon.

Thank you, Nicole! This photo of Prince is for you.

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The party animal is back!

Ming has taken the good car down south, with a best friend, to a New Year’s Eve party because he only has an automatic licence and our very old ute (truck) is manual, so guess who is driving that? Yes, me, and it is so ancient that just turning the steering wheel left and right etc., on even a short drive, is equivalent to a two-hour arm workout at the gym (not that I’ve ever done that).

We finally have a date for the court case – 22nd January – but until then Ming still has his driver’s licence, so he is making the most of it. Of course, since the car accident, I am very nervous about him driving but, except for the aberration in October, he is a careful driver and is not a drinker, so I hope they both have a great, safe time, but look forward to their return tomorrow.

Ming is off all of the strong painkillers now and just needs panadol occasionally; the bandages are off and he is definitely straighter again and the pre-op. pain has gone. It was a bit of a shock to see that the new scar is almost as long as the one from his original scoliosis operation (almost the whole length of his spine) so I guess they had to rummage around a bit to replace the two broken bits of titanium – yes two! and pack crushed bone from the bone bank all around the area to ensure it all knits back together.

I have probably posted these photos before, but I like them because they show his character. Yes, we have our arguments and conflicts, and we wrestle in different ways with the anxiety about the accident, the kids, the future, but we always talk things through. It is so good to see Ming bouncing back again.

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Happy New Year, Ming, my wonderful party animal son, and may all your dreams come true!

Note: Luckily he doesn’t read my blog any more because he would probably cringe at my sentimentality here – ha!

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“Mummy!”

Ming was allowed to come home today, three days after his surgery which was a fantastic surprise (we were told he’d be in hospital until Christmas Eve). I’d been staying in a hotel for a couple of nights and coming and going to the hospital, but checked out yesterday, planning to visit Ming then go home to the farm to feed and water the dogs, birds and alpacas, only to be told he’d be discharged today! So I quickly rang a friend to see if she could do the animals and checked back into the hotel for another night.

Yesterday Ming was still attached to the pain+antibiotic drip, a catheter, and a blood drain thingy, oxygen, and he could hardly get out of bed and walk a few steps, but today he was free of the various tubes and fighting fit – amazing! It is 8pm here and we got home around an hour ago. Ming is in a lot of pain but has three kinds of painkillers so is now in bed.

One of the painkillers has a strange side-effect – Mummy love! It is so hilarious; on Tuesday evening when he finally came out of surgery, he kept looking at me woozily and saying, “Oh, Mummy, give me your hand, hold my hand, I want to have a cubble (cuddle), you are the best mummy in the whole wide world, oh I love you so much” etc. If I let his hand go for a moment, he would yell, “Mummy, I need your hand! Muuuuuuummmmmmmyyyyyyyyy!”

Now this would have been okay if (a) he had a private room, and (b) he had a quiet voice. But he was in a shared room with three men who were all chuckling every time Ming yelled out, “Mummy, hand – where’s your hand?” After a couple of hours of this I started to get a bit embarrassed and sick of holding his stupid hand! His nurse was laughing hysterically (but quietly) at his antics and, as Ming got sleepier, she helped me remove my hand from his so I could escape to my hotel and have a well-earned wine.

My hand is still aching from his grip – so funny!

And so absolutely wonderful!

Note: Thank you so much to my WordPress and Facebook, and other friends and family (especially my own mother) for all of your prayers, wishes and messages to us. I haven’t had time to reply properly but please know how much your comments, care and love is appreciated by Ming and Muuuuummmmmyyyyy!

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Not buying into Christmas

Such a relief! Today, Ming and I had planned to go into town, get presents for each other and Anthony, get a Christmas tree, a ham, wrapping paper, sticky tape (which I can never find), send a few last-minute cards, decorate the house, find the Christmas tree lights and ornaments (oh where did I put them?) and generally have a frantic, stressful, expensive, horrible day.

But on waking up this morning to a day that was already promising relentless heat, I changed my mind and a bit later I discussed my idea with Ming:

Me: I think we should postpone Christmas.
Ming: What?
Me: Well, you will be in hospital until Christmas Eve … actually maybe we should just skip Christmas this year.
Ming: What? No presents?
Me: No presents.
Ming: No tree?
Me: No tree.
Ming: No turkey?
Me: No turkey.
Ming: No Christmas crackers?
Me: No Christmas crackers.
Ming: Mum, this is such a relief!
Me: So you agree?
Ming: I think it’s a brilliant idea!
Me: Without all the usual fuss we can celebrate Christmas for what it is.
Ming: Do you mean go to church?
Me: Yes.
Ming: Okay, let’s shake on this.

So we shook hands and grinned at each other.

The sense of relief is huge! I don’t have to fight through the throngs at the shops, spend a small fortune on ‘stuff’, don’t have to worry about how the hell I am going to cook a turkey with no oven, don’t have to search the whole of Australia for cranberry sauce, don’t have to spend hours wrapping presents, don’t have to queue up at the post office – ahhhhh!

A bit later:

Ming: But what will we eat for lunch on Christmas day?
Me: Ham sandwiches? I mean Anthony hardly has any appetite anymore anyway, it’ll be too hot for me to eat and you’re a fussy brat.
Ming: I like ham sandwiches.
Me: Good, then that’s decided.
Ming: But Grandma’s still coming on Christmas day isn’t she?
Me: No.
Ming: WHAT?!
Me: I’m joking, you idiot!

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh – now all I have to do today is frolic with the peacocks – yeeha!

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Here we go again!

Yesterday Ming and I went up to Perth for the pre-op. things – blood and urine, ECG, consent forms for bone graft and bone marrow, consultations with a nurse, a doctor and an anaesthetist and, in the midst of all of these exciting events, I opened the letter we’d been given on arrival.

Well I got a bit of a shock because his surgery is scheduled for next Tuesday, 17th December! This means he will come out of hospital on Christmas Eve, or may be in over Christmas. Ming is elated it is happening before the new year but, with such short notice, I am a bit panicked about organizing things. He has to be in the hospital at 6.30am which means we will have to go up to Perth the night before and stay in a hotel. I will probably book in for two nights so I can see him the next day but then he wants me to come home again (“so you have time to get my Christmas presents, Mum!”)

This revision surgery is nothing compared to the massive scoliosis op. last year so it should be a piece of cake (I hope!) I took his photo this afternoon after asking him how he felt about the op. His expression is difficult to read but to me it says, “Fine!”

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While we’re in Perth, these two guys will look after the farm!

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A peaceful place

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Showing off, peacock-style!

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King (blue) and Prince (white) have taken a liking to flirting with the peahens just outside my office door. Needless to say, and the pictures show this I hope, the two white princesses are indifferent. King and Prince have a fraught relationship, but they never fight because Prince, being younger, always capitulates and stops showing off when King comes along.

Gutsy9 came to my office door, a bit confused, and wanting a pat!
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My baby chick becomes a show-off!

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This is Gutsy9 flaunting her unusual feathers today. She is ‘pied’ – half blue and half white. We still don’t know who her parents are exactly because we have too many peas (three whites and 12 blues) and none of them wanted her so she was mine from day 1. (Previous posts describe this).

Peafowl are tactile defensive (they don’t like being touched) but they will take bread or any other tidbits from your hand if you are patient. G9, having been hand-raised by me, is unusual in this respect. For example, today, she came up to me when I was hanging out the washing and she sort of purred until I reached down to stroke her neck and every time I stopped, she chased me for more.

Happy birthday Gutsy9!

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Is it a bird, is it a plane or is it a mouse?

I guess it’s that time of year again – mouse season! I had intended to write a very serious post about very serious things until a very serious noise in the corner of my little home office alerted me to the fact that a very serious nibbling thing is chewing all of my grocery receipts (and I was going to return the inedible bananas – argh!)

Every time I creep just a few whispered steps towards the chewing noise, it all stops and there is total silence in that corner. But, as soon as I sit down on my chair in front of my laptop, the chewing noise happens again in that same corner. I keep carefully getting up from my chair to look into the corner with my torch and I have now put my Ugg boots on just in case … it’s a rat.

Okay, if this noisy, invisible, paper-munching, thing emerges in the next few minutes I will slap its face. No, actually I am a little scared of whatever it is so I think I’ll go to bed and hope IT doesn’t follow me.

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