jmgoyder

I’ve been reading quite a bit about bullying lately, not just because it is a hot topic, and an enormous problem in cyberspace, but also because I’ve only just begun to realize, with the benefit of hindsight, its impact. I don’t usually like labels, but ‘bully’ is a very handy concept in that it enables you to put the bully/bullies into a kind of metaphorical ‘bully box’ and toss them away.

Now, obviously, bullying is not a new problem, but it seems to have been talked about much more over the last 12 years or so. There is very little I can add to this burgeoning discourse. I am more interested in the characteristics of a bully and in trying to figure out why a bully is a bully. I’m also curious about whether a bully can change. As is probably obvious, I am fascinated by this topic.

Characteristics of a bully (including possible reasons for the bullying personality):

• Often bullies have poor communications skills, so use shouting and swearing to get a point across.
• Typically, bullies will be devoid of empathy and may not even understand the meaning of the word.
• Bullies may use the following tactics: invasion (arriving aggressively on your doorstep unexpectedly); coercion (the surprise attack method of getting you to do something); complaint (to make you think you are in the wrong); charm (pretense of friendliness to get something from you); and/or inane smalltalk (to bore you into submission).
• Interestingly, bullies may never have been bullied themselves but, instead, may have been over-indulged children who have learned that tantrums work.
• Many bullies show a ghoulish interest in real-life crime and horror, enjoy playing cruel practical jokes, and may even inflict physical harm to animals or humans.
• Bullies are often irrational, dishonest and lacking in emotional intelligence.
• Often, bullies are flamboyant, attractive, ‘larger-than-life’ and sometimes even popular (in a party context).
• Some bullies are preoccupied with wealth and may be ‘sycophantish’ towards anyone who is wealthier.
• Most bullies do not have any idea of what a conscience is.
• Bullies are often very miserable people.

Tips on how to deal with a bullies (this is what I’ve done and it’s worked):

• Recognize the bullies as bullies
• Say ‘no’ to the bullies. Ask them to leave you alone and, if they don’t, seek professional support.
• Put the bullies into the metaphorical ‘bully box’, toss them away and then forget about them.
• Forgive their ignorance.
• Forgive them for hurting the people you love most in the world (that’s a difficult one!)

Then SMILE!!!

Note: These are just my own thoughts on the bullying issue, gleaned from my own experience. I do hope, however, that some of this might be helpful to others.