I had a leisurely afternoon with Anthony, watching two episodes of Borgen (the Danish political television series), which he enjoys me enjoying. He was cold as usual, so I did what has become a bit of a winter ritual now: rug on knees, foot rub, heat bag on hands, eyebrow grooming (another story!) Oh yes and I put the heater on.
Being cold has become a constant theme in our conversations:
Me: Are you warm enough?
Ants: No!
Me: Do you want a blanket on your knees?
Ants: Good idea. But can you light the fire?
Me: Good idea.
I reach up to turn the air conditioner on and heat gradually fills the room but it’s invisible heat; he wants to see the fire burning – real logs, real sparks, a real fireplace, our living room, his worn armchair. He doesn’t realise that I am missing all of this too. Ming and I haven’t lit a fire in the living room fire-place since Ants moved into the nursing home.
Halfway through a particularly interesting scene in Borgen, Anthony rummages around inside his knee rug and finds a hand which he gives to me as proof that he is freezing. Bloody hell – he IS freezing!
So I take this 2-kilo heat pack, that a lovely friend gave us ages ago, and heat it up in the microwave of the adjacent kitchen and bring it back.
As soon as Anthony sees my irritated face, he begins to smile. I thrust the heat bag into his lap and put his hands underneath it.
Ants: This is too heavy.
Me: Don’t be such a wimp!
Ants: Jules, please.
Me: Argh – okay, here is the heat bag and here are your hands on top of it! Can we get back to the show?
Ants: Could you just put the cold onto the icebox heater?
Me: What?
Ants: There’s a blister on the floor, a cow.
Me: You’re hallucinating, Ants, you know that don’t you?
Ants: Only if you’re here.
Me: I love you.
Ants: (watching the news channel on TV)
Me: I said ‘I love you’ – aren’t you going to say it back?
I am about to leave, but I rush back into his room and frighten the hell out of him by pretending to leap onto his lap the way Ming did when he was little.
Ants: I love you!
Me: Are you warm enough?
Ants: Yes!
I get home and contemplate lighting a fire in the fireplace but, instead, put a jumper on.
















































