Wings | jmgoyder

Why didn’t I think of this before?

by jmgoyder

Every Thursday morning the nursing lodge has a bus excursion and Anthony usually goes. Last Thursday I arrived at the nursing lodge at around noon to be told that Anthony was still out and that the excursion was to Dardanup (our town!) They’d gone up to the hills just past our farm. So, when the bus returned and Ants was being helped back to his room by the nurse in charge of the excursion, I asked if it would be possible for the bus to come to our place and she said yes!

So tomorrow, they are coming here and I am so excited. The nurse said they might make it a semi-regular thing and I wanted to kiss her feet! This would be a stress-free way of getting Anthony home for a few hours and I am sure the other residents will enjoy it too. They always bring their own morning tea and there are enough staff for any toilet emergencies, so I am definitely in yeeha mode! Anthony seems to think it is a great idea too.

I have told the birds that they will have an audience tomorrow between 9.30 and 11.30am, so they are all practising for Godfrey’s contortionist competition.

Another contortionist

A competing peahen

Woodroffe thinks he will win the competition

Pearl will be performing in the pond

Animal Family Friendship Wings

29 Comments »

Contortions!

by jmgoyder

Godfrey may soon need a chiropractor

I wish I could do this!

Animal Wings

11 Comments »

Bullying 2

by jmgoyder

I’ve been reading quite a bit about bullying lately, not just because it is a hot topic, and an enormous problem in cyberspace, but also because I’ve only just begun to realize, with the benefit of hindsight, its impact. I don’t usually like labels, but ‘bully’ is a very handy concept in that it enables you to put the bully/bullies into a kind of metaphorical ‘bully box’ and toss them away.

Now, obviously, bullying is not a new problem, but it seems to have been talked about much more over the last 12 years or so. There is very little I can add to this burgeoning discourse. I am more interested in the characteristics of a bully and in trying to figure out why a bully is a bully. I’m also curious about whether a bully can change. As is probably obvious, I am fascinated by this topic.

Characteristics of a bully (including possible reasons for the bullying personality):

Often bullies have poor communications skills, so use shouting and swearing to get a point across.
Typically, bullies will be devoid of empathy and may not even understand the meaning of the word.
Bullies may use the following tactics: invasion (arriving aggressively on your doorstep unexpectedly); coercion (the surprise attack method of getting you to do something); complaint (to make you think you are in the wrong); charm (pretense of friendliness to get something from you); and/or inane smalltalk (to bore you into submission).
Interestingly, bullies may never have been bullied themselves but, instead, may have been over-indulged children who have learned that tantrums work.
Many bullies show a ghoulish interest in real-life crime and horror, enjoy playing cruel practical jokes, and may even inflict physical harm to animals or humans.
Bullies are often irrational, dishonest and lacking in emotional intelligence.
Often, bullies are flamboyant, attractive, ‘larger-than-life’ and sometimes even popular (in a party context).
Some bullies are preoccupied with wealth and may be ‘sycophantish’ towards anyone who is wealthier.
Most bullies do not have any idea of what a conscience is.
Bullies are often very miserable people.

Tips on how to deal with a bullies (this is what I’ve done and it’s worked):

Recognize the bullies as bullies
Say ‘no’ to the bullies. Ask them to leave you alone and, if they don’t, seek professional support.
Put the bullies into the metaphorical ‘bully box’, toss them away and then forget about them.
Forgive their ignorance.
Forgive them for hurting the people you love most in the world (that’s a difficult one!)

Then SMILE!!!

Note: These are just my own thoughts on the bullying issue, gleaned from my own experience. I do hope, however, that some of this might be helpful to others.

blogging Family Friendship Wings

45 Comments »

Wanderlust 2

by jmgoyder

Well, I don’t think I will have to get that peacock horn after all because all of the peafowl seem to be back home. According to a rather unpleasant email from a neighbour, they had been roosting on their roof for a few days. I did a bit of research and a bit of thinking and have realized a few interesting things. Firstly, during mating season, the females can be rather coy and may try to get away from the showoffy males; secondly, the females may be looking for places to lay eggs and nest; and thirdly, it isn’t that hard to shoo them away if you have a water hose.

Today Ming went over the road to the neighbour’s and actually ‘mustered’ the few that were still there back home so I am hoping they will stop wandering around the adjacent farms and settle. This remains to be seen but I have suggested to the complaining neighbours that they continue to hose them away until the peafowl get the message, or else simply ring Ming again.

Apart from King and Queenie, our two adults, we got the rest as non-sexed chicks so it wasn’t until they grew up that we realized we had a ratio of one male to one female (which means we have an overabundance of males). So we may need to re-home some of these males and I have made some enquiries, not because of the traumatized neighbours but because I think the peahens may be a little overhwelmed by all the male attention.

Anthony is coming home at some stage on the weekend so I hope I will have sorted things out by then because he loves those peafowl as much as I do now. After today, Ming is a little disenchanted!

Animal Family Friendship Wings

30 Comments »

Wanderlust

by jmgoyder

The peafowl have taken to wandering off the property during the days (I think it’s something to do with their mating season adventurousness!) So I am searching for a peacock horn to call them back. Most of them have returned this evening for their bread treat and wheat, and to roost in the wattle trees, but some are still off having adventures.

Maybe I will have to buy a trumpet!

Any suggestions?

Wings

32 Comments »

A problem is a problem

by jmgoyder

I can’t call a problem a challenge because, to me, a challenge implies something zingily positive whereas a problem is something devoid of zing. It seems more useful to see some of the problems I am facing, with Anthony in the nursing lodge, as problems. I guess I’m not very ‘new age’ – sorry but no matter how many daisies surround a cowpat, it is still a cowpat and it stinks.

So, as most of my ideas of how to cheer Anthony up have fallen fairly flat (reading/showing him the blog, taking old photographs in, buying him the gramophone, going out to lunch, bringing him home etc.), I have decided to establish a strict routine every week and write it down for him, and me, and stick to it. This will be good for both of us because, my own personal turmoil, grief, loss of job, and Ming challenges (yes, I can call these challenges), has caused me to lose all semblance of a routine.

Maybe a whiteboard would be a good idea. I could put it on Anthony’s wall in the nursing lodge and write down exactly what day and time I am coming in, and other plans. I could also write our home phone number (which he mostly can’t remember) so he can ring me for a change. Actually I could also write down the phone numbers of his favourite friends and family on the whiteboard. These are in a notebook in one of his drawers but he keeps losing this, or not understanding it.

Perhaps the daisies will grown into the cowpat and give it a new odour. You never know! Nevertheless, a cowpat is a cowpat and problems are problems, not challenges.

Godfrey has a challenge in teaching the gang ‘Gangnam’ dance moves.

Daffy has a problem with loneliness because he is the only Indian runner duck left.

Animal Family Wings

41 Comments »

This is what peacocks sound like!

by jmgoyder

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9MhZPqHeEAQ

Multiply this by about ten and you will know what it is like here during mating season!

Ah, this is more like it!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1qY8-HooF9I&NR=1&feature=endscreen

Animal Wings

36 Comments »

Love story 110 – Inseparable

by jmgoyder

Less than two years ago it was unthinkable that the day would come where Anthony would have to go into a nursing lodge. I vividly remember making a secret appointment with our doctor to discuss his deterioration and, after arranging Silver Chain respite help that day, Ming and I went into town. During the conversation with the doctor, he mentioned the inevitability of nursing home care and Ming, nearly crying, said, “No, we will never put Dad into care.” The doctor gently said to him, “You don’t know what is coming.”

And we didn’t. All three of us could never have predicted how bad it would get – hallucinations, immobility, stroke-like episodes, falls, loss of hand/eye coordination, confusion, nightmare horrors, sleepless nights, sleep-filled days, loss of appetite, subsequent dramatic weight loss, confusion, cognitive problems, ablutionary problems … and the list goes on. Ming transformed from a devoted son to an intolerant son and I transformed from a devoted wife to a physical and mental wreck. But I only see that now – in hindsight.

The things I wish:

that I had stopped asking Ming to do occasional ‘night shifts’ with Ants while Ming was still at school;
that I had discussed nursing home/lodge possibilities with Ants earlier (he was assessed as a candidate for ‘high care’ over four years ago); and
that I had broached the subject of death with both of them earlier.

Bubble and Baby Turkey are inseparable but I think this is because, initially, there were four Bubbles and four Baby Turkeys and (except for these two) the foxes got all of them when they were littler despite my vigilance.

Ants, Ming and I were inseparable too until Parkinson’s disease began to steal pieces of our jigsaw. Ming took a few leftover pieces, went into his room and shut the door; I tried to find some of the pieces of a blue sky, but they all looked the same; and Ants never liked jigsaws in the first place.

This photo was taken a few years ago when we were inseparable.

Family LOVE STORY Wings

59 Comments »

Head shots

by jmgoyder

We are being visited by more and more pink and gray galahs. Here is a head shot of two of them. I would like to say this is deliberate but of course it isn’t; it is my poor photography skills. This afternoon I will try to get the rest of the birds into the photo – you never know!