humour | jmgoyder

Peacock poop

by jmgoyder

Peacock poop is a bit unsightly when it is found on the top of your newly washed car, your outside veranda, or underneath your innocent shoe(s), but, once it dries, it is easy to sweep away with the leaves. Gutsy9 can ruin the immaculate neatness of this farm and house (ha!) by coming into the kitchen, flying up onto the table and eating whatever is on the table while I hang up the washing outside. Yesterday, she came into the veranda and purred (yes purred!) to Anthony until he stroked her little head. And then she pooped.

Animal Australia Birds Embarrassing moments Friendship Happiness joy

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Embarrassing moments 1

by jmgoyder

When you bump into someone whose name you’ve forgotten and, in order to cover this up, you say, “How do you pronounce your name again?” and they say “Bob”, or “Sue”.

Embarrassing moments Friendship

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The dangers of driving on gravel

by jmgoyder

It is nearly two weeks since the night of the accident in which my son was driving with four of his cousins and one friend in the back tray of his ute/truck. My family has learned so much from this, including the extent to which we love and respect each other. Responsibility for allowing the kids to go for a little ride has been shared and discussed, hugs have been exchanged, forgiveness has been a constant source of comfort to all I hope, but self-forgiveness is not so easy – not for me.

Even though I was the only one inside the house and didn’t know that my son had taken off with the kids for a second little ride, I should have already had a rule in place that this was absolutely forbidden. After all, it is against the law to have unrestrained passengers in the back tray of a ute. If I had had this rule in place, this wouldn’t have happened. Why didn’t I have this rule? Because it never occurred to me that my son would do this; he is such a cautious driver and has the reputation of driving like a granny! When they all came back from the first little ride and I realized they had been off the farm, I said to my son, “don’t do that again will you” but I should have said, “YOU WILL NOT DO THAT AGAIN!” If I had said that, this would never had happened. We are all struggling with our own ifonlys, but these two are mine.

What matters here is that, despite all five children sustaining serious fractures, with one still in hospital for some time, the longterm prognosis for all is full recovery, physically. Psychologically and emotionally, I think their recovery may be more complicated but as the young are so resilent, I hope and I pray that they will all unremember the terror of that night. For those in my family, who drove crazily around the outskirts of this country town, after my son’s panicked phonecall, looking for all of them, when they were only 2 kms away, the memories of our fear and horror will take longer to fade.

My son did a slow U-turn on bitumen, and was heading home again when he hit gravel and accelerated a bit, turning the steering wheel from left to right, just slightly, to give the kids a little thrill, and that is when he lost control and the ute fishtailed (I think); he tried to control it by braking, and steering it back, but nothing worked even though he was going less than 40kms.

If he had been speeding, hooning, drinking or a reckless person, this could have been worse. If he had coerced the children and snuck away for a little joyride, against our wishes, this could have been worse. The fact that everyone survived, and will recover, is the thing I tell myself each morning when I wake up to the horror of that night on constant replay.

When driving on gravel, be aware that your tyres only have half the grip they would on bitumen.
When driving on gravel, do not accelerate suddenly, even a little bit.
When driving on gravel, do not brake suddenly, even a little bit.
When driving on gravel, always go very slowly.

Nobody in this family – my beautiful family – will ever hop into the back of a ute again. Nobody in this family – my beautiful family – will drive without caution on gravel roads from now on.

My heart leaps with joy that everyone will be okay longterm, but his post is primarily to warn people of the dangers of driving on gravel, especially in a ute, and to never, ever, let your children get into the tray, no matter how much they want to, no matter how short the ride.

I am so sorry.

Australia Family Friendship Grief Happiness Teenagers Western Australia

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A perfect arrangement

by jmgoyder

Ming offered to pick Anthony up on Monday and bring him home for the day, then take him back to the nursing lodge in the late afternoon. I can’t believe how much this improved the day for me! It was so wonderful not having to make the two trips, each of which takes around an hour if you count the time it takes to get Anthony in and out of the car and then back into his room at the lodge. It was also great fun for Anthony to have his big son driving him around and Ming got to spend time with Ants on his own during the trips to and fro.

When I take Anthony back to the nursing lodge he often gets really unhappy and sentimental, and saying goodbye for the evening is sometimes a bit tearful for both of us. But with Ming, this doesn’t happen so that is a real bonus. This arrangement was also great because, having done the two trips with Anthony, Ming didn’t feel he had to spend every minute of the day with him. This can be a bit of a strain for Ming, especially when Anthony isn’t making any sense or doesn’t speak at all.

Anthony and I spent most of the morning in the kitchen while I made chicken and vegetable soup for our lunch. Then he wandered around the farm (wonderful!) until he became too wobbly. Back in the kitchen he watched me make a blue cake while we caught an old episode of Midsomer Murders on the television. The cake wasn’t quite cooked when it came time for Ming to take Anthony back so I surprised him with it on his return. As you can see, he was nonplussed.

Ming said he will drive Anthony back and forth whenever he can. This is a perfect arrangement.

Family Friendship Grief joy LOVE STORY Marriage Parkinson's disease Parkinson's disease dementia Teenagers

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The way to a man’s heart?

by jmgoyder

Ming’s Sunday breakfast: I spread half an avocado on two pieces of wholemeal toast, then cooked eight bacon rashers, two sausages, three eggs and one tomato. It took me around 10 minutes to prepare. It took Ming exactly four minutes to consume.

I took Anthony out to the Dome this afternoon where he demolished an enormous piece of chocolate mousse cake with extra cream. I sipped my coffee and watched in amazement.

After taking Ants back to the nursing lodge and settling him into his room, I came home to find Ming sitting in the living room hungry. I am not sure if he has forgotten where the kitchen is, or forgotten how to open the refrigerator which generally has food in it, but he appears to have some sort of mental block when it comes to feeding himself. So I gave him his requested snack of strawberries and cream with some reluctance. He ate it unreluctantly.

Family Friendship Happiness joy LOVE STORY Marriage Parkinson's disease Parkinson's disease dementia Teenagers

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The Australia puddle and other Spring things

by jmgoyder

The puddle in our driveway has held the shape of Australia for weeks and weeks and even had a Tasmania, but the latter evaporated a couple of days ago, before I remembered to take a photo. I wish I had, as it might have made me famous! I’ve decided not to get that Australia-shaped pot-hole filled with gravel now, in the hope that next Spring it will once again rain relentlessly and re-create the Australia puddle, with Tasmania, on our driveway. Then I will take lots of photos and have an exhibition and get rich. The reason I didn’t take the photos this time was because it was raining and I didn’t want to get drenched to photograph a puddle (I think that is more for the professionals.)

A blue wren (very hard to photograph because they are so tiny and so fast!) After several attempts to get him in more natural surroundings, he landed on one of Anthony’s salvaged washing machine insides, that we use for an outside barbecue.

A rare vision of Uluru looking calm. He is usually feisty, having to compete for the wheat with all the winged creatures.

G9 in a tree. I have never seen ~~him~~ her do this before (even though I know that, at sundown, she flies up into the wattle trees for the night with all the other peafowl).

Ming, with the dogs.

Something wonderful happened today; I became a great-auntie for the first time. A beautiful baby was born and I mean this sincerely because, let’s face it, most babies are quite ugly for the first few days/hours – but not this one! She is exquisite! In respect of the new parents’ privacy, I will ask them before putting any photos of the kid on my blog.

Animal Australia Birds blogging Family Friendship Happiness joy LOVE STORY Marriage Teenagers Western Australia Wings

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There is no such thing as wireless!

by jmgoyder

Such fun! The new modem suddenly stopped working today, and the old modem suddenly started working, except for when it needs little smokos, which is every few minutes. Hence, this a very quick post to say that my midnight visitor turned out to be a genuine neighbour’s son, looking for a genuinely lost dog but I’m still not sure why this had to be after midnight.

I received a reply from the Australian Journal of Dementia Care to say that they would be delighted for me to submit articles – yay! Coincidentally, they had featured something about my long-ago-published book about Alzheimer’s disease in their last issue – serendipity is so weird.

Anthony home all day today with sun shining. He actually chopped a bit of wood and walked around the farm without his walker, until he nearly collapsed from exhaustion. I was worried he might fall but then thought what the hell, he needs some autonomy back, so I just continued doing the washing/folding, feeding animals etc. but I found this difficult because I remember the falls before the nursing home (he doesn’t).

When it came time to take him back to the nursing lodge, there were a few mutual tears. I am feeling terribly sad writing this and internet is probably gonna die in a minute. If so, just know I’m doing my best to keep up with posts etc. but sometimes it all gets too hard.

Now I just have to go and plug in the wireless phone, new modem, Ipad etc. and all will be well – yeah right!

Animal Birds blogging Family Friendship Grief LOVE STORY Marriage My published writing Parkinson's disease Parkinson's disease dementia

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Finally. The sun is out and the internet is working!

by jmgoyder

Due to waterlogged, ancient telephone wires, I have had weeks and weeks of trouble with both phone and internet. Finally, the new wireless modem is configured, the landline is disconnected and the mobile phone is working inside the house (I don’t have to keep on running outside into the rain to have a conversation).

Ah, the rain; after our first month of spring and its relentless downpours, the sun is finally coming out to play again!

Bubble and Baby Turkey seem to be particularly excited about this.

Animal Birds Happiness Wings

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Dementia and Invisibility

by jmgoyder

Thanks so much for the wonderful feedback on yesterday’s draft article. I think it would be really interesting to incorporate those comments into the final draft of the article. I’d also like to add some positive aspects to the notion of dementia replay but I want to do a bit of research first. The journal I want to submit to is called Alzheimer’s Care Today.

Here is another (very rough) draft article for those who are interested. Again, any feedback appreciated.

Dementia and Invisibility

Almost every day I visit my husband, Anthony, who is in a nursing home because he has advanced Parkinson’s disease, prostate cancer and now the beginnings of dementia. Over the 18 months since he was admitted, the PD has affected his ability to speak due to his throat muscles not working properly any more, a diminished ability to concentrate and, with the associated dementia (PDD), various degrees of confusion. He has been transformed from a larger-than-life, loud, laughing, boisterous person to a mostly silent person with a very soft voice and a blank, expressionless, seemingly sullen face. And, over the last few years, he has shrunk in size by nearly 10 kilos. Once upon a time he had the most wonderful presence.

Now, he is becoming invisible.

Not to me, but to others. Let me explain. When I visit I am greeted with great friendliness by all the staff, banter is exchanged and the quietness of Anthony’s situation is enlivened. Sometimes there is a rush of conversation which is difficult for Anthony to follow because with PD comes an inability to concentrate on more than one thing at a time. For example, if he is watching the news, he is too distracted to concentrate on my scintillating anecdotes (ha!) so I turn the volume down. If I visit at the same time as someone else, the conversation often bounces around him because he can’t keep up. If he begins to say something and has difficulty with the words (this is happening a lot more often now), there is a tendency to talk over him or else finish his sentences for him instead of waiting for him to finish what he has to say. I do this myself and have to make myself shut up sometimes.

Lately I have noticed that staff will often come into his room and start talking to me, but not to him, or rush past us on their way on or off duty and yell out ‘seeya Jules!’ or ‘hiya Jules!’ but not say this to Anthony. It’s as if my visibility makes him even more invisible. Even if he is included in these salutations, by the time he responds with his own ‘hi’ or ‘bye’ the person has long gone. And he is almost never able to answer ‘how are you, Anthony?’ quickly enough, so he seems to have stopped bothering.

Don’t get me wrong; the staff are wonderful and mostly rushed off their feet. This means that conversation with Anthony (whether I am there or not) is often limited to ‘lunch time, Anthony, up we get’, ‘do you need to go to the toilet?’ ‘bedtime, here’s the bell if you need us’, ‘here’s your 4 o’clock pill – have you swallowed it?’ and so on. When I am there I try to enable conversations between Anthony and the staff in all sorts of ways and this has been a lot of fun and very effective. I guess my intention here is to remind them that he is not just a person with a disease, but a person with a past, that he is a person.

Here are two of the things I have tried:

1. Pictures: I have decorated his room with pictures and photos, which I change from time to time. At the moment there is the enlarged photo of a young, robust, smiling Anthony, a photo of this farm from the late 1950s, an oil painting of cattle I commissioned for him as a Christmas present years ago, a series of photos of Ming as a baby (in the one frame), a personalized calendar my mother made with a different photo of us for each month, a photo of Anthony and me in the early days of our marriage, and a big, window-pane mirror that my brother made for him. My hope is that these visuals will not only trigger great memories for Anthony, but invite the curiosity of staff. The photo of him as a younger man has been a great success in both ways. ‘Wow, what a gorgeous hunk you are here, Anthony!’ ‘Is this your farm?’ ‘Who’s the funny-looking baby?’

2. Food: I take in home-made sticky date (now that I have become good at it), pistachios, exotic chocolates, fancy cheese and other treats and, even though these are primarily for Anthony, I share with the staff. I never realized before what a great conversation-starter food can be! ‘I’m just coming back for another chocolate! Is that okay, Anthony?’ Additionally, the chef at the nursing home makes the most divine pavlova so the other day she snuck me an extra piece for Anthony and voila, he is now recognized as the pavlova-loving patient, not just the patient.

Now, he is becoming visible again.

Of course there are many, many more ways of de-cloaking your invisible loved one if he or she is in a nursing home and these are just a couple of ideas. It is an exciting journey of discovery and beats the hell out of despair!