jmgoyder

wings and things

Jan 19

I care about you

by jmgoyder

When I first began blogging, I had no idea that I would begin to care about people who I may never meet face to face.

As a newbie to the world of birds, I was drawn to blogs about birds, then drawn to blogs about photography.

As a carer for a husband with Parkinson’s Disease, I was drawn to blogs about PD, nursing homes, other people’s experiences of other illnesses.

As the mother of a teenage son, I was drawn to blogs about parenting, children and Erma Bombecky humour.

As a writer, I was drawn to blogs written by an array of different people – all ages, all styles, all genres, all fantastic.

As a woman battling grief, I was drawn to blogs about grief and blogs about inspiration – a good mix.

Tonight, I am drawn into the blog of a woman who has become my friend. Her daughter died today after a gruelling battle with disease.

I care about you.

Animal blogging Family Friendship LOVE STORY Wings

76 Comments »
Jan 18

He ain’t heavy?

by jmgoyder

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Gutsy 9 (baby peacock who is now 6 weeks old) has become disenchanted with my shoulder because he is too big to get comfortable. He prefers to sit on the floor next to my feet now, almost like a dog! I have to admit that I, too, prefer this arrangement because I am a little tired of him throwing his wings in my face and biting my ear when he loses his grip on my shoulder. And when he can’t get his little mohawk head tucked into my neck (his favourite way to nap), he squawks! Luckily he is now getting used to the outside so, as soon as he is big enough to fly into the trees at night, I will stop babying him.

Anthony continues to ask if he can come home for the night and I continue to break my heart explaining that he is too heavy for me to lift. Ming and I went into the nursing lodge so Ming could take Ants for a ride in the new ute but Ants wasn’t well enough. We will try again tomorrow.

Ming has had his hair cut! He has had mixed reactions to this weight off his shoulders – ha!

Animal Family Friendship LOVE STORY Wings

51 Comments »
Jan 17

Happiness guilt

by jmgoyder

I have always had a bit of a problem with “happiness guilt”. As a child, I had a keen awareness that while I had a loving family, enough food, and a house to live in, other children in other places didn’t. So I developed a kind of resistance to happiness because it made me feel so guilty when I knew other people – particularly children – might be unhappy.

When I posted about Ming’s new ute, I didn’t mention the episode of happiness guilt he experienced for nearly an hour after Anthony and I shocked him with his birthday present.

I took Ants back into the lodge for lunch and wondered why Ming was taking so long to come in and join us. Finally I went outside to find Ming in a severe state of happiness guilt.

Ming: But I don’t deserve it – I can’t believe this!
Me: It was Dad’s idea and I made it happen.
Ming: But how? We don’t have any money! I’m so worried!
Me: Dad had some savings – Ming, please stop worrying, it’s okay. This is giving Ants so much joy – it’s sort of vicarious.
Ming: But it’s 4WD!
Me: Dad’s idea.
Ming: And turbo! And diesel! With a steel tray! And it’s automatic!
Me: Dad wanted to get you the best.
Ming: No, I don’t deserve it!
Me: You do! Now get over it and come in and say all this to Ants!

In the end I had to get a couple of nurses to go out and convince Ming to be happy and not guilty! He finally came in, hugged and thanked Ants and things lightened up but it was only when Ming (still on L-plates) was driving us home that the happiness finally got the better of the guilt.

Phew!

Family Friendship LOVE STORY

53 Comments »
Jan 15

Anthony’s birthday present to Ming!

by jmgoyder

I will never forget this fantastic day.

Several weeks ago Ants decided that we should get Ming a ute for his 19th birthday. In order to do so he had to cash in some very precious shares (both monetarily and sentimentally) to afford it.

It took a fair bit of negotiating, research, and secret phone conversations with Anthony and the dealer and there was a long delay in getting the ute fitted with a steel tray which Ants insisted on.

As a result of the delay, Ming’s birthday (10 days ago) came and went and I had to tell him his present hadn’t arrived yet.

Yesterday I got the call to say it was ready so I asked if it could be delivered to the nursing lodge so that Ants could give it to Ming personally. No problem.

So I told Ming we had to be in town by 11.30am to get his present. The only hint I had given him was that it was musical, so he assumed it was some sort of guitar. He didn’t have a clue!

So we got to the nursing lodge and I told Ming to wait in the outside parking lot while I checked if the present had arrived, then I went to get Ants to come outside.

I ran down to the entrance to see the dealer standing next Ming’s ute, waiting, and I almost yelped with excitement as I raced in to get Ants.

Once Ants was seated outside in front of the ute and chatting to the dealer, I raced back up to the outside parking lot and fetched Ming who drove us in and parked our old ute right next to the new one. He still didn’t twig!

Then, standing right in front of the new ute, he said hi to Ants and then, “Dad, what is my present? Mum is ridiculously excited!”

Anthony said, Ït’s right behind you.”

Ming turned around, looked at the dealer who he had assumed was a friend visiting Ants, then looked at the ute of his dreams – a Toyota Hilux Workmate – and his jaw dropped.

More in next post – I can’t continue because I am too happy about the expression on Anthony’s face – and Ming’s – so my words are now caught in my throat!

Family Friendship LOVE STORY

71 Comments »
Jan 12

Shortlived

by jmgoyder

During yesterday I kept an eye on the mother peahen and her chick and all was well, but in the late afternoon the chick had disappeared. I looked everywhere I had seen them together during the day and the mother followed me silently. At dusk, I gave up and sat at my picnic table with Gutsy9, feeding the throng of peafowl bits of bread, still hoping the chick would reappear, but it didn’t. It would have been killed by a crow, and it would have been quick, so I am trying to be okay with having let Nature take over. That mother and child had a beautiful day together.

Today Anthony was brighter. Ming and I went in to the nursing lodge and the visit was full of hilarity for a change. Ming was in good form but he has a very loud voice so at one point a male nurse came into Anthony’s room and asked Ming to quieten down or he would give somebody a heart attack. Then we all got the giggles!

I didn’t tell Ants about the missing peachick.

Animal Family Friendship LOVE STORY Wings

35 Comments »
Jan 11

Dementia dilemmas and the ‘ripe old age’ myth

by jmgoyder

Medical interventions in western societies across the globe have made it possible for elderly people afflicted with illnesses that cause them pain, misery and confusion to be given a few extra years of life.

Anthony was so distressed on the phone tonight that he said he wanted to die. He doesn’t usually say things like this and the thud of his words squished all of my heart’s remaining envelopes into hot putty.

His prostate cancer is fullblown and now untreatable, his Parkinson’s Disease (our main woe) has rendered him incapable of doing what most of us do automatically – eating, walking, going to the loo, answering the phone, conversing, smiling….

And now the dementia, nibbling away at all of our yesterdays.

I am sorry if this causes offence to anyone but death would be better than the living hell of a ‘ripe old age’

I love you so much, Anthony.

Friendship LOVE STORY

63 Comments »
Jan 10

Peaceful peafowl

by jmgoyder

pea 033

Peace.

Animal Friendship Wings

32 Comments »
Jan 8

Bouncing back

by jmgoyder

It’s a bit difficult to bounce in yet another horrible heat wave, but Ming and I saw the doc this morning, agreed to undertake some treatment, including further counselling, then went to a restaurant for breakfast.

While we were away, a father/son lawnmowing team gobbled up 5 acres of overgrowth at a very reasonable rate, so the place is once again back in shape.

Yesterday, Ming and I went to see Anthony because I hadn’t seen him for a week due to not being allowed to bring my flu into the nursing lodge. We sat outside but the scene was not BradyBunchish; Ming plonked himself at a distance, scowling, while I sat on the grass next to Anthony’s chair with Gutsy9 (the baby peacock) scurrying between us and flying on and off Anthony’s lap.

I asked Ants to give Ming a pep talk but this didn’t work because Anthony’s concentration is now so poor. Oh well, he did try! It reminded me of when he was home because he was always the buffer if Ming and I had an argument about homework or eating vegetables etc.

Anthony’s big-hearted solidity often turned arguments into hilarity and taught us a lot about bouncing back, even though he can’t bounce at all anymore.

I missed him so badly last night that I almost couldn’t bear it, but today I am bouncing back.

Animal Family Friendship LOVE STORY Wings

67 Comments »
Jan 7

Making friends with Despair

by jmgoyder

I’m not scared of Despair anymore because today she told me that she only wanted a tiny hug before she went to visit somebody else. She said she had tried to visit us before but the doors were always locked.

So I gave Despair an enormous hug, apologized for us locking the doors and, as she hugged me back, she wept into the crevice of my left elbow, then she gave me a short bit of advice.

I kept hugging her until I realized Despair had gone and I was hugging my silly self!

Translation: Despair’s visit catapulted me into seeking help. Tomorrow! Yeah, she was okay enough, but I don’t want her to come back.

Animal blogging Family Friendship LOVE STORY My published writing

32 Comments »
Jan 7

The gift of listening

by jmgoyder

Years ago I wrote my PhD about the importance of listening to people with dementia who were still able to speak. In the process of turning the thesis into a book for publication, I began to realize the importance of listening in general. At the time, Ming was a little kid and Anthony wasn’t so ill, so I would listen to Ming’s babble and Anthony’s hearty stories with equal attention.

Listening is not always easy because sometimes what you are hearing may not make sense, might be boring or inane or moany, could be longwinded and require patience.

To listen, you have to be able to shut up for awhile, give your own voice a break, and focus on the person you are listening to.

Yesterday, after my altercation with Ming, he broke down and begged me to listen to him and I remembered, with a thud of remorse, that he had been asking me this for some time.

So we sat down together, cried our eyes out in separate chairs and then he began the story of his 3 days away at the Southbound concert festival.

As I listened, I saw how his face glowed in the telling of each episode. After two hours, we were laughing again and I asked for an intermission. “That’s okay, Mum, we can do Episode 3 tomorrow.”

I am beginning to think that the best gift you can give anyone is to listen to them.

Family Friendship LOVE STORY My published writing

35 Comments »
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