wings and things


on December 15, 2012

I just heard this morning about the massacre at the school in Connecticut and, having now read the news reports, seen footage and also read the many blogposts about this tragedy, I don’t have adequate words to add to the millions already said and written. I only have inadequate words, but I can’t say nothing at all, so here goes.

My body feels hugely heavy with grief for the deaths of those children and teachers, and empathy for the families, friends and survivors. I’ve read numerous comments about the whys and wherefores but really there is no why or wherefore. The ‘big child’ who committed the crime is dead too so there will never be an answer as to why he did this and why his rage (what else could it be?) was directed against little children and those who care for them.

When our only child Ming was the age of the children killed, my greatest fear was that I would lose him to illness or accident or abduction even, but fear of a massacre like this never, ever, entered my head. Never.

I keep thinking of the Christmas presents the parents of those children may already have wrapped and hidden, or put under the tree, and no children to open them. This is unbearable.

47 responses to “Children

  1. terry1954 says:

    even as it is going on 11 at night, my heart is still wide open with pain. the tears come and go as I weep for the pain of this community

  2. Ms. Boice says:

    I’m so deeply saddened too. I haven’t been able to write, think, or do much of anything else. It’s times like these I feel helpless. Helpless to reach out to the grieving, helpless to solve the mystery, helpless to fight against evil. Thank you for posting tonight and glad MIng is safe in your life.

  3. Robyn Lee says:

    Heartbreaking — I haven’t been able to get myself to read the detailed story yet Julie – but your post has inspired me to. Columbine had a very traumatic impact on my psyche… I was doing my school counseling Master’s at the time… I will never understand the madness behind this kind of tragedy. Heartbreaking — it is.. 😦 xo

  4. letstalkaboutfamily says:

    Yes. It is hard to think about the parents and siblings of these children and their grief now and through the holiday and all the holidays to come. If you lose a loved one near Christmas, then whenever you hear a Christmas song you think about that loss. I lost my grandfather before Christmas 40 years ago and I always think about him at this time. And the children who survived will have nightmares about it too. What a terrible event this was!

  5. It’s a black mark on humanity when people commit such monstrous crimes against other human beings, especially children.

  6. Heartfelt words…one doesn’t really know what to say….Diane

  7. There is really nothing to say–we, all of us, mourn these children.

  8. sirrahh says:

    I had the same thought you did.

    Every year, what should be the happiest time will become a gruesome reminder instead. Christmas won’t ever be the same for them again. It’s just awful.

  9. Trisha says:

    I can’t stop thinking about how scared those kids must have been. And how terrified the parents were as they waited for their children to come out. Tragic doesn’t even begin to describe it.

  10. Oh my God Julie. I never thought of the presents so lovingly picked out for them. I have so much more to say on the subject of how or why this happened but I just can’t bring myself to talk today. Let’s just all pray for peace within our hearts and strength for the families for all the people killed today.

  11. elizabeth says:

    I agree, beautifully said.

    I couldn’t stop crying when I found out. My heart was so heavy with grief for the parents of the little ones who had to identify their dead child/ren. How do they go on?

    Knowing the dark hole they are in we must keep them in our prayers.

  12. dcwisdom says:

    What’s to be said, except that I cry for the darkness over America. There are no words. Jesus, hear our cries and intercede for us to the Father. Amen.

  13. The unopened Christmas gifts is what I keep coming back to, and that’s after trying to hold back the tears the whole day. We had a large school shooting in our town over 10 years ago and something like this makes our community hurt all over again.

  14. tersiaburger says:

    The unopened Christmas gifts is what gets to me. So dreadfully sad!

  15. Tammy says:

    it is numbing and tragic, Julie -I have family in Sandy Hook, Connecticut, where the school is. It’s horrifying. Only comforting to hear from all of the support the world is pouring into the community. That is a beautiful thing. Your post is perfect.

  16. victoriaaphotography says:

    What a devastating tragedy for this community.

    How can those survivors ever recover – be they small children, parents, siblings, friends, community?

    What mental disturbance brings someone to commit such wrong (is what I think about)?

  17. mimijk says:

    There are no words … it’s as if there’s a huge new crack in each heart.

  18. fgassette says:

    My heart cries out for the family and community that are experiencing such a horrible lost. I cannot find words to express the pain. All I can do is pray.


  19. This happened only 10 miles from us and I know the community well. Unspeakable.

  20. your “inadequate” words are perfect–and it is unbearable.

  21. mrs fringe says:

    Beautifully written, Jule.

    Yes, I think many of us keep circling back to the same thoughts; the fear, the shock, how young those school children are and were, the images of all of those involved.

  22. dogdaz says:

    Yes, unthinkable. When the sniper was here in the DC area shooting at us and even at children at the local school, I lost any sense of making sense of the nonsensical. 😦

  23. Judith Post says:

    I haven’t read or listened to much about it–it’s just too horrible right now. Cowardly, I know, but I’m so tired of shootings….

  24. SnapInTime says:

    Beautifully said. I live just a few miles from this town, a small community similar to this one. A school system similar to theirs, same security and all. I cannot help but picture how easily it could have been any school in any town. Why those innocent children? Why those families now left to face their lives without their precious little ones? the families of the teachers as well, killed while trying to protect the children. So very horrifying and impossible to picture such evil. Thank you for putting into words what I just could not.

  25. Those unopened presents haunt me as well. What was to be a time of happiness, laughter and joy is now filled with unspeakable sorrow. I simply cannot imagine what those families, the whole community really, must be feeling. So, so sad…..

  26. It is, Julie. And the arrogance with which they have been taken: it is beyond belief. My heart goes out to the parents.

  27. janechese says:

    Very sad. Light a candle in the darkness.

  28. bluebee says:

    This is from the heart, Julie – what else is it but rage? I agree – he shot his mother and the children she cared for daily – some terrible resentment festering deep in the shooter’s mind.

  29. pixilated2 says:

    It was an unbelievably evil event, and it makes my heart hurt.

  30. Sadness permeates in Connecticut and in many hearts throughout the world…Diane

  31. Congratulations! I’ve awarded you the Blog of the Year Award 2012! Check it out here:

  32. Sorry! (Big Grin) 🙂

  33. I agree so sad and so much pain for their parents

  34. FlaHam says:

    Julie, your words sum up the feelings I have held deep inside without a way to get them out. Thank you for expressing them for me. — Take care, Bill

  35. dou dou says:

    I saw the photos of the children yesterday, all gorgeous little things, so sweet, how someone could shoot them multiple times???? It’s so horrid and unimaginable. And nothing to do for the parents, they will just have to sufer through it and hopefully find the strenght to heal. I don’t know how they will do it.

  36. Your point Jules about the presents that will never be opened sent a chill through my grieved heart.
    There are no words I have that will express enough my sadness for this community, the families and my country. There has to be a better way to protect our babies.

    I am grateful for the words from you which hold so much compassion and empathy.
    Always my Dear Jules

  37. Thanks for sharing. The world has united in grief; I wish they’d unite (or at least the US!) in answers..

  38. batgurrl says:

    Jules – there are no words but you did say what few there are for us all. I just put up my christmas tree and every angel thing I own is on it.

    Thank you for your kind words in the blog world.

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