jmgoyder

wings and things

Oct 24

Colouring in!

by jmgoyder

It was my blog friend, Trisha, who introduced me to the idea of Zentangle drawing. I am hopelessly trying to find her exact post but in the meantime here is the link to her blog:

http://trishapearson.wordpress.com/

Anyway, I got a bit into it because (a) I’m not a bit keen on artsy/crafty stuff so I thought it might be good for me; and (b) I needed something to do with Ants in the nursing home, other than watching television.

So, a few weeks ago, I started to do this drawing thing and LOVED IT! Anthony was a bit patronizing though – “Yes, I used to do this when I was 5” (he is so good at sarcasm!), but I ignored his characteristic bumpetyness and drew another circle.

The colouring in is a bit of a buzz, especially now that I have gone to a proper art shop and bought good quality colored pens. I have now done two pictures for Ants which, if you put them on the far wall, and squint your eyes a bit, look a tiny bit like art.

Obviously this colouring in tendency has leaked into my mother’s 80th birthday book so I hope she won’t be too appalled!

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Oct 14

Statistics

by jmgoyder

Statistics have never been my forte, however, in the process of putting together a photo-book for my mother’s 80th birthday, I have had to become a bit statsy:

For example, in sifting through hundreds of photos, with the simple quest of finding each of the eleven grandchildren conveniently posed next to Grandma, I have found 1500 of Ashtyn, but only one or two of the other ten. So now I am terrified that one or other of my mother’s grandchildren will be upset not to to be featured as much as their peers.

Not to worry: I have now made a list of all of the grandchildren who have been printed out: with Grandma, without Grandma, upside-down, looking gorgeous, looking like the ink ran out, tolerating the fact that their baby photo has the wrong name on it. I think it will be a lovely gift anyway as soon as my mother reimburses me for 15 ink cartridges, post-glue-stress syndrome, and helps me clear up the mess of my previously tidy writing room!

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STATISTICS!

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Oct 13

Un-blogged….

by jmgoyder

There are several reasons that I have become somewhat disconnected from the blogosphere lately:

1. I have made Anthony’s nursing home room a simulation of our home;
2. I’ve become addicted to the Danish series, The Killing;
3. I’m preoccupied with crafting a present for my mother’s soon-to-be 80th birthday;
4. I have given up on trying to tempt Ming with my ox-tail stew;
5. My volunteering in the dementia ward on the weekends is a gift to me because, years ago, when I worked as a nurse in various nursing homes, there was never any time to actually chat with patients; now it is actually something that is scheduled!

So, I have decided to go for a job at the nursing home in the hope that my so-far volunteering reputation will help.

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Oct 10

Rowing the boat!

by jmgoyder

My mother’s 80th birthday is happening soon!
We are all going on a boat cruise lunchy thing in a few weeks.

Over twenty of us –
That’s my two brothers and me,
our spouses,
plus all of our kids,
plus my nephew’s wife,
and my niece’s husband,
one newish grandkid (very special),
the boys’ girlfriends, the girls’ boyfriends,
and,
hopefully,
someone who knows how to row the boat!

Idiotically (I am not the least bit art-and-crafty) I suggested putting together a book for ‘Grandma’. I solicited quotes and photos from all grandchildren, very successfully, and now I am covered in glue and ink, and know the difference between a portrait and a landscape photograph.

Ming came into my writing room tonight to find the recent neat-and-tidiness chaotic with the ‘casualty’ photos all over the floor.

Me: I love doing this, Ming! Grandma is going to be thrilled!

Ming (backing away cautiously): Mum, I’m on my way out, okay? I’m not interested in whatever you are doing here because it just looks like a mess to me. Bye!

Anyway, I am having a huge amount of fun with the Grandma book and it is comforting to know that if that boat-cruisy boat falters, Grandma will probably row us back to shore ….

Meg

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Oct 5

Anthony picking olives a few years ago

by jmgoyder

I have had a much more social week than usual with the arrival of my niece’s in-laws from Scotland: activities have included a beach barbecue, a day-long winery tour, a visit to our farm, my great-niece’s first birthday, and then a 21st last night. All delightful! Obviously, this altered the routine with Ants and the volunteering, but not hugely and I didn’t visit him at all on the winery day, hoping he wouldn’t notice.

This week is similarly social, with my best friend, Tony (the priest who married us), coming down for the night and a professor I worked with a couple of years ago, dropping in with his wife on his way back to Perth the next morning. This will slightly alter the routine with Ants once again but since it all worked out okay last week, I figure it should be okay this week too.

I think I blogged about the new routine awhile ago; it’s pretty simple really and was probably staring me in the face for several exhausting months, but I have always had rather slow reflexes – ha! The epiphany arrived at the doorstep of my heart one foggy morning and said two words: “Switch homes”.

It took me ages to understand what Epiph meant but then, bingo, the penny dropped. Instead of bringing Anthony home, either by wheelchair taxi, me, or Ming (visits that became increasingly gruelling, physically, mentally and emotionally, for all three of us), it was gently suggested that I simply make myself at home in the nursing home. Epiph is good like that; she recognizes my lack of pragmatism.

Since then, our marriage, Anthony’s illness, Ming growing up, and all the other bits and pieces of emotion and stuff….

have uncurled raised/dropped fists
have unfurled the residue of grief into a great wide flag of hope

The social stuff is good too because it provides me with conversation material for Ants. He loves it! I feel like I am learning something really important about dementia, or maybe love, not sure yet. A year ago I was struggling with how to cope with the impending boredom of the nursing home. Now, this is my attitude:

“Boredom is the feeling that everything is a waste of time; serenity, that nothing is.”
Thomas Szasz

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38 Comments »
Oct 4

Food, glorious food!

by jmgoyder

I bought the slow-cooker, pictured below, several months ago when I thought our electric stove/oven had had the bomb. It wasn’t until our electrician came over to do another job, that it was discovered that the switch to the stove was turned to ‘off’ somehow. Embarrassed, I admitted that I didn’t even know there was an on/off switch.

Anthony used to do all this stuff, I said, meekly.

No charge, said the electrician, wryly.

Anyway, during all of those months when I didn’t think I had a working stove/oven, I learned how to use the slow-cooker and I love it! I used to chop everything finely but now I just throw it all in, uncut, and do the mixing/mashing when I get home. After all, why chop everything at 7am when you can just mash it at 7pm?

I am not quite sure what I am making in that wonderful slow-cooker but here is what I threw in:

Minced beef
Wild garlic + leaves
Onions, chives, lemon grass
5 red and 2 green chillis
Turmeric and ginger roots
Masses of fresh parley and coriander leaves
A cup of red wine
A few cups of stock
Salt and pepper
Lemon juice

In case it isn’t already obvious, one of the things I love about this kind of cooking is that you can be really creative, and experimental, because whatever you are cooking is going to take so long that you can easily get up at 2am and check for flavor. Sometimes the dish needs more salt; sometimes a bit of honey (if it’s a strong curry).

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Happy birthday to my beautiful great niece, N, and to my friend, M – nice partying with you!

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22 Comments »
Oct 2

Another person dies

by jmgoyder

A few moments ago I found out that a neighbor had died and I got the most terrible shock. His office was next to mine at the university a decade or so ago, but then he retired to run a farmstay. Not so long ago, I gave him my emus because he had bigger yards. He was known fondly as ‘Farmer John’. I have sent a private message to his wife, and will go to the funeral, of course, but am still reeling that he is actually gone.

He left the university to follow his dream of having a farmstay and, with incredible hard work, and his wife’s support and culinary expertise, he made a success of it. I salute him.

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Sep 28

Gutsy 9 – my fantastic bird-in-hand

by jmgoyder

For those who don’t know, G9 is a peachick who, for some reason (maybe because she was half blue/half white) was abandoned by whoever hatched her. I caught her as she was scuttling, terrified, into the old dairy and pretty much raised her with the hands of Ants and Ming.

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Today, I decided that I would come home earlier than usual from the nursing home. I told Ants I had to go and feed the birds and dogs, and then said I would see him later.

Ants: You won’t come back.
Me: What do you mean? I always come back!
Ants: Not, yes, what car?
Me: Our car, silly!
Ants: How many calves? I need those people for the fireplace
Me: Only ten left to feed. Ming will do it. I know who you mean for the fireplace.
Ants: Are you sure?
Me: Yes, should we ring tomorrow?
Ants: You do it – something is wrong with me.

When I got home, I went straight out to find Gutsy and, as usual, she was waiting for me:

I’d like a word, Julie

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You’re always out and about and I feel ….

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Oh I think I’m going to cry – how embarrassing!

G9!

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23 Comments »
Sep 24

Closure

by jmgoyder

Yes, I realize that the notion of closure is a tricky one but for me it happened when I wrote, published, then subsequently deleted, a post about the car accident, a few days ago. For the very last time.

The self-pitying self-indulgence of that post sickened and embarrassed me for a couple of reasons. Firstly, that I would mourn what-might-have-been (death, disability) when it soon became apparent that everyone would be okay. Secondly, that I know people now who have lost their children to death, so why the hell am I complaining?

Instead of rejoicing, I kept picking at the scabs of my confusion, family wrangles, guilt and blame, dead-end conversations with Ming.

It is now an incredible relief to be able to say that the accident is over and done with. Of course, I can only speak for myself, but, no matter how selfish this sounds, I am over it!

The best thing about closure is the anticipation of the next chapter….

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29 Comments »
Sep 23

“Is that you?”

by jmgoyder

Today, when I arrived at the nursing home just before lunch, it was a bit like the five seconds of yesterday but this time Anthony said, “Is that you?” as if he couldn’t quite believe his eyes. I think we have now fallen into a new phase of Parkinson’s but then again Ants might just be having a bad week.

I am still surprised at how gleefully I go in every day and I’ve been trying to disentangle the complexities of why this is because it’s only a relatively recent phenomenon and I’m not quite sure what flicked the switch from the dutiful dread of a few months ago to the anticipation of now. The sense of purpose, routine, satisfaction and joy I feel now is wonderful but also a bit disconcerting!

The volunteering situation has been absolute magic. Today, Nat, Edna, Beatrice, Ants and I sat around the dining room tables after lunch was over and played Nat’s version of ‘Memory’. Edna is just in for respite – her first time – and she told us yesterday (during a similar game) that she had been extremely nervous but since meeting Nat, relaxed a bit and now they are like old friends!

So we played and here are some smatters of conversation during that hour and a half of laughter.

Nat: Tonyyyyyyy (speaking to Ants) Come on, darling, turn your cards over.
Edna: Don’t let her boss you around, Tony.
LAUGHTER
Me: Ants, turn two cards over and hope for a match.
Ants: Jules?
Me: Pick up two cards – here I’ll help you.
Nat: My turn.
Me: No it’s not, it’s my turn!
LAUGHTER
Nat: Cheeky bugger.
Me: I heard that, Nat!
LAUGHTER
Edna: Is she cheating again?
Me: Well, even though she is a really beautiful person, I did see her put a card on her lap.
Nat: I never did!
Me: (sneaking around the table to snatch the card) AHA!
HYSTERICAL LAUGHTER FROM NAT AND EDNA AND ME – ANTHONY BEMUSED
Nat: Tonyyyyyy, help me!

I can’t count how many times I’ve played Nat’s version of ‘Memory’ now, but it has become quite popular with other residents too. The best thing about it is Nat’s contagious laugh and her mischief; the best/worst part is Nat wanting Ants to join in, and the worst part is Ants unable to engage very well. Plus, Nat and Edna are nearly blind so this makes for a very sloooooow game and Nat alternates from saying “This is the most fun I’ve ever had in meee life!” to “This is the longest game I’ve ever played!”

Today, we were all exhausted, especially Anthony who often chooses not to join in or else is so peacefully asleep in his armchair that I don’t rouse him. I just leave my stuff (scarf, handbag, book) next to him so that when he wakes up he’ll know I’m still around and not gone.

I help Ants with his tea now because this is a busy time for the staff and why not? He is pretty exhausted and PDish by then so I say my ‘seeyalater’ and am usually home by 6pm.

Tonight, as I left, I kissed Anthony on the forehead and he tried to speak but even the single syllable he uttered was impossible to interpret. He could no more say “I love you” than “Is that you?”

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