by jmgoyder
It has been raining solidly for over 48 hours, and so wet here on the farm that Ming got the old ute (truck) bogged just outside his shed this afternoon, after milking!
Today I went into town and picked up Ants to take him to my mother’s place for afternoon tea (chocolate pudding that I had made the day before). Several weeks ago, I stopped using the wheelchair taxi for outings like this because I experienced a strange new surge in energy and willingness to take him out. My mother showed us more photos of Scotland, including one of her with the bride and groom.

Then she showed us some of Mr Tootlepedal (my blogging friend) and his wife. I felt a vicarious sense of pleasure to meet them through my mother. They have a B&B and my mother stayed with them just before my niece’s wedding. She told me that the Tootlepedals, and their house and garden, were just as charming as I had imagined.

This is the link to the Tootlepedal blog-post that mentioned my ma.
The Wizard of Oz
Anthony said my chocolate pudding was dry (you see, this where Ming gets his tact haha!) But his little highness polished off the rest tonight whilst watching a very serious episode of Home and Away.

And I am now cooking some soup!

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by jmgoyder
I’ve decided to post my tidbits in daily diary fashion – just for awhile – as an experimental experiment This is because, for the last few months, I have lost focus, have entertained too much bewilderment, have been too sad etc. As a result, I kept forgetting each day’s beautiful details. From now on, I will remind myself via the conduit of this blog.
For example: Last week, Ming transitioned from an L-plater to a P-plater which means he can now drive by himself. The joy of his independence has been resonating in all sorts of different ways. Ming drove into town today and the first thing on his list was to visit Anthony in the nursing lodge.
When he got home, he said “Wow Mum it was so much better visiting Dad without you and your stress!”
I understand.
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by jmgoyder
I am still not quite over this ridiculously prolonged gastric attack but feel 100% better than I did, so, until I am on top of things, my posts will be really short. Today, I finally saw my ma who returned from Scotland last Tuesday but I was too sick to go to Perth and pick her up from the airport and had to get friends to do so. Hugging my ma after 4 weeks was like heaven.

My beautiful mother and Mingy (see the tuntun?)
Family Friendship Happiness joy
by jmgoyder
It is now nearly a week since I succumbed to this horrid gastric attack and, knowing I am hopefully on the road to recovery, this misadventure has given me pause. Having embraced friendships with people who are chronically (sometimes terminally) ill, my relatively short experience of awful pain, nausea etc. makes me wonder with wonder at how they remain positive, on top, giving. There are too many of you to name but I’m sure you know who you are.
When I am ill, I am a total wimp, I cringe in fear, I whimper – I am pathetic.
I may not be able to blog for a little while but, rather than send me well wishes, please use the comments button to draw attention to you own blog. I hope that’s okay.

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by jmgoyder
I think feeling happy is a bit different to being happy. Maybe this is because when you simply are happy (because your bank account, love-life, health, job, family and friends etc. are all okay) you don’t notice the happiness; you don’t appreciate it. But when you feel happy, you are noticing the fragile edges, blossoms, and sunsets of whatever happiness is and you are learning how to create it day by day by day.
Today, my happiness was hugging my baby peacock, having lunch at an Indian restaurant with my friend/niece, Jane, buying baking utensils for my new cooking phase, watching TV with Anthony in the nursing lodge whilst giving him the last of the sticky date pudding with lots of thickened cream, knowing my ma will be home soon from Scotland, riding my bike, watching ‘Undercover Boss’ with Ming, and looking forward to tomorrow’s unfolding.

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by jmgoyder
I have rediscovered cooking! Yesterday it was sticky date pudding. I don’t like sweets myself but Anthony and Ming are ecstatic and I am thrilled about this new chapter in our lives.

Ants. Ming and I are sticky-date-pudding ourselves together again.
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by jmgoyder
Ming and I don’t argue anymore now that he is living in the shed. This is good. If I irritate him, he can go to his shed; if he irritates me, I can send him to his shed.
The shed/home was Anthony’s conception over two years ago and he still gets a thrill out of seeing its very gradual progression from old shed to teenage abode. At the moment the floor is still concrete and there are no blinds to keep the sun out, but Ming has just ordered both and paid half (he is working full-time now).
He doesn’t have ablutions over there, or cooking facilities, so he still has to come home a lot (ha – I still have the power at a distance of 50 metres!)


Family Friendship Happiness joy Teenagers Wings
by jmgoyder
I have tried a several times now, over the last few weeks, to write the words that seem to seep with a strange, crimson elation into my heart, but I can’t adequately describe this. Hence the clumsy metaphor, allusion, my tears.
Anthony and I have finally made a stumbling leap into accepting that he is in the nursing lodge forever and I am home without him forever. This acceptance has brought more joy than I ever thought possible.
No words….
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