jmgoyder

wings and things

Difficult decision

Before I even took Gutsy9 to the vet today, I did a bit of research and discovered that his feet are slightly splayed, especially one, mostly due to being brought up inside rather than outside. The injury to his toe is insignificant in comparison to the structural damage caused by him mostly walking on a floor instead of grass and dirt.

The vet gave me some calcium mix for Gutsy9 (which of course he won’t eat!) but she and her consultant seemed to think his legs might never be normal. The photo I posted of Gutsy9 on the table was taken a few weeks ago. Since then, all of his toes have gradually become crooked and one leg goes backwards instead of forwards. It is possible, that he was born with a defect but I don’t know.

What I do know, however, is that he is unlikely to ever be able to survive outside. I took him out for 3 hours this afternoon and, if I hadn’t been watching, he would have been pecked to death by the adult peas and the gang, he would have drowned in the pond, or he would have been taken by a crow.

He is sitting on my lap now, nearly asleep, but cheeping more than usual. His legs don’t seem strong enough to hold his growing body and I am worried that he might be in pain.

Ming and I will decide tomorrow. I think we will have to put Gutsy9 down.

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Peachick physiotherapy

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Gutsy9 adores scrambling around in the dirt – best thing he can do for his feet. Yeeha!

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Peachick problems

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I am a bit worried about Gutsy9’s feet. I accidentally injured one of his toes when I first rescued him (i.e. he ran at my desk chair as I was rolling it back, so one of the little wheels mashed one of his toes. Okay, so that is all healed now but, because he is inside the back veranda for most of the time (a back veranda that has now become peachick poop paradise), he is not getting the normal dirt/grass traction for his feet to develop. I take him outside every afternoon so that he can interact with the others but they still peck at him and he runs to me.

Once he is big enough to fly up into the trees at night, I think the other peas will accept him. I hope so.

In the meantime, I will take him to the vet to get his feet checked. I will do this tomorrow.

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Change

Some people love Change and some people hate it. Change sometimes causes terrible conflicts – in relationships, workplaces, countries, and in all sorts of different contexts – when one ‘side’ embraces Change, and the other ‘side’ doesn’t.

I used to love Change until too many changes happened at once, and then I craved stability, but that got a bit boring!

So it is now back to Change again – yeeha – because Change is wonderfully malleable. You can change Change; after all, that is its nature.

I have learned that if you don’t welcome Change, it will bite you anyway – not nastily, just in a nibbly way.

Change and I are buddies again and it has been a fantastic day!

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Enough is enough

I never intended for this blog to become so personal and I certainly didn’t intend for it to become so sad. It was a blog about our adventures with birds – a way of cheering the three of us (Anthony, Ming and me) UP!

How was I supposed to know that Anthony’s Parkinson’s would escalate, then collide with Ming’s spinal surgery? How was I supposed to know that we would have to find a nursing home, that I would have to resign from my job, that I would have to figure out Ming’s post-op. requirements, that we would lose many of our birds to foxes?

How was I supposed to know what last year would entail – Ming’s anger, Anthony’s sorrow, my despair? Obviously I don’t have very good foresight.

I do, however, have pretty good hindsight and tonight I have realized that enough is enough, that I am not going to allow myself to die because Ants is dying, that I am not going to allow myself get angry because Ming is angry, that I am not going to allow myself to sink into this self-pitying quicksand of despair.

Apologies for recent posts.

Enough is enough!

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While I was away….

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Home

When I arrived home this afternoon, from my 3-day holiday at a resort, something went a bit skewy in my mind.

Despite a wonderful reunion with Ming and Gutsy9, there was a thudding crash of disappointment because Anthony doesn’t live here anymore.

It isn’t home without him.

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Home tomorrow

It is the beginning of my third and last evening at the resort and I have only just stopped ‘hearing’ Gutsy9’s little chirp in my imagination!

Home tomorrow.

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I care about you

When I first began blogging, I had no idea that I would begin to care about people who I may never meet face to face.

As a newbie to the world of birds, I was drawn to blogs about birds, then drawn to blogs about photography.

As a carer for a husband with Parkinson’s Disease, I was drawn to blogs about PD, nursing homes, other people’s experiences of other illnesses.

As the mother of a teenage son, I was drawn to blogs about parenting, children and Erma Bombecky humour.

As a writer, I was drawn to blogs written by an array of different people – all ages, all styles, all genres, all fantastic.

As a woman battling grief, I was drawn to blogs about grief and blogs about inspiration – a good mix.

Tonight, I am drawn into the blog of a woman who has become my friend. Her daughter died today after a gruelling battle with disease.

I care about you.

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He ain’t heavy?

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Gutsy 9 (baby peacock who is now 6 weeks old) has become disenchanted with my shoulder because he is too big to get comfortable. He prefers to sit on the floor next to my feet now, almost like a dog! I have to admit that I, too, prefer this arrangement because I am a little tired of him throwing his wings in my face and biting my ear when he loses his grip on my shoulder. And when he can’t get his little mohawk head tucked into my neck (his favourite way to nap), he squawks! Luckily he is now getting used to the outside so, as soon as he is big enough to fly into the trees at night, I will stop babying him.

Anthony continues to ask if he can come home for the night and I continue to break my heart explaining that he is too heavy for me to lift. Ming and I went into the nursing lodge so Ming could take Ants for a ride in the new ute but Ants wasn’t well enough. We will try again tomorrow.

Ming has had his hair cut! He has had mixed reactions to this weight off his shoulders – ha!

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