jmgoyder

wings and things

Taboo topic: poo!

We all do it but, after the age of around 4 or 5, it becomes a bit taboo to talk about poo. It is an intrinsic part of everyday life but is clothed in secrecy. In nursing homes and hospitals, however, the activity of the bowels is all-important: “Have you used your bowels today, Mr Smith?”

Years ago, when I worked in a hostel for multihandicapped (I don’t know if that is the politically correct term any more; suffice it to say that all of the residents were people with both intellectual and physical disabilities), we had a chart in the shared bathroom in which we had to record daily poo production in cups. Don’t get me wrong – we didn’t use cups, but we had to look at what each person produced and imagine how many cups it might equal.

As a nurse and/or care-giver, you get so used to poo that cleaning it up becomes more of a tedious than a revolting job. At least now there are plastic gloves and pull-up adult nappies which makes things a lot easier on the carer and the sufferer.

I don’t want to personalize this into an Anthony-and-Julie situation here; I just want to speak generally in a way that kind of (hopefully) demystifies this particular type of incontinence and makes it easier to cope with.

The first time it happens it is, of course, humiliating and ghastly for the poo-victim and quite frightening for the carer. Above all, do NOT make the person feel worse than they already do. The next thing you need to do is to remain extremely calm and pragmatic. Just do what you have to do as quickly as possible and try to remember your 5-year-old poo jokes. The ability to hold your breath, and the invention of room deodorizer, are good additions to the situation.

My point: being able to use your bowels means you are still a living, breathing, eating, functioning person, so pooing is a very good thing. So rejoice in the poo! Don’t be afraid of it! It is normal!

It can also be a great conversation starter: “Remember the time when you ….?” Raucous laughter may sometimes accompany these conversations, which is a hell of a lot better than misery.

Just saying…. it might be you one day.

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An eventful day

Today’s plan was to bring Anthony home for lunch but I got a phonecall at the crack of dawn from the nursing lodge to report that he’d had a bad fall and they would be getting an ambulance to take him to hospital. He’d been found on the floor next to his bed with his head bleeding and seemingly concussed. The nurse who rang me reassured me that he wasn’t anxious or in pain and, knowing how fond she is of Anthony, I took her word for it and decided not to freak out.

So I calmly got dressed and ready to go into the hospital, but waited for Ming to get home from milking the cows first. I rang the Emergency department and was able to speak to Anthony and the first thing he said was, “I’m such an idiot!” We had a bit of a chuckle and I said I’d be in soon.

Unbelievably, by the time I got to the hospital,  and waited at reception (rather a long time), I was told that Anthony had just been ambulanced back to the nursing lodge. So I calmly left and headed to the nursing lodge to find him looking fine but with a wound to his right temple (the opposite side from where he had the skin cancer taken out last week). He was surprisingly nimble, so using his walker, we walked out into the patio and sat at a table. I teased him in my usual way and he held my hand in his usual way and then he went to sleep in his chair so I grabbed a magazine and read the latest celebrity gossip, then went down to the nursing lodge kitchen and asked if I could order lunch to have with him. No problem.

I went back to the patio and Anthony was still drowsing so I sat there calmly thinking oh this is so boring, then the lunch arrived – a beautiful roast dinner. At this point, I punched Anthony in the shoulder (lightly) to wake him up, but he didn’t respond, then I shook him and said loudly, “C’mon Ants – lunch is here!” No response. So I calmly went and got a nurse.

Well, there was a fair bit of panic when nobody could rouse him  so once again the ambulance was called and a troop of nurses used the hoist to lift Anthony from his chair to a trolley to take him to his bed. They wheeled him off but I didn’t follow immediately because I was very calmly bursting into tears. One of the nurses came outside and asked if I wanted a hug but I said no thank you, not now, maybe later.

Once I got my stupid eyes to stop leaking, I went into Anthony’s room where the same nurse was taking his blood pressure and looking worried. He’d come to a bit but looked very dazed. I tried to jolly him up by mimicking what he’d done outside but he had no recollection of course and was a bit nonplussed at all the fuss.

The ambulance arrived and I met them at the hospital and, after several more tests including a catscan, he is once again going back to the nursing lodge, and I’ve just got home.

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Home

I got home from my second visit to Anthony at the hospital today to find that Ming had put the birds into their pens, fed all and sundry and let the dogs out for their second run. Jack (the Irish terrier) is all long legs and somersaulting enthusiam and Blaze (the mini-dachschund) is a desperado for hugs, so when I drove into the garage, they both greeted me with wet noses and gleeful barks until I hugged them both. Beautiful.

Then Ming said, “Where is my food?” so I put him in the chookhouse. It was a bit of a tight squeeze to begin with until he agreed to fend for himself tonight as I was pretty tired. Then I rang the hospital and, attempting nonchalance (since I had already bothered so many nurses today about Anthony’s meds. etc.) I was put onto a lovely nurse who handed me to a very strong-voiced Ants and I said goodnight to him without tears in my eyes. I had met this nurse earlier in the day when Ants had somehow clambered out of the bed and sliced his leg open and, as she was dressing the wound, I explained about the PDD and his previous post-op. behaviour. I did this in front of Ants because we have this unspoken honesty policy I guess.

Actually, no, not quite, because I am not sure whether to tell Anthony about his dementia or not. So far, I just say it’s Parkinson’s when he asks why this and that. I guess we will figure it out eventually. Tonight his left eye was swollen and blueblack due to the skin cancer being so close to it but the scar looks good and clean and it is such a relief to be rid of this horrible thing. Tomorrow I will take him back to the nursing lodge which might be tricky because he thinks I am bringing him home.

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What next!

Two phonecalls tonight with Anthony.

I rang him at 7.30pm to say goodnight then he got a nurse to ring me at 8.30pm. During both conversations, Ants was convinced that I was having an affair and that everyone was telling him that. I thought he was joking to begin with, then realized he was serious. He said, “Jules, I have the shakes.” I kept saying not to be so ridiculous and, luckily, the nurse was there in the background of the second phonecall to reassure him.

This evening confusion thing is escalating and now we have a brand new ingredient: jealousy.

Anthony: It’s that man they told me about.

Me: What man? Who told you? What are you talking about?

Anthony: He kissed you.

Me: Nobody kissed me, Ants, please Ants, are you kidding around?

Anthony: Okay, Jules, sorry, I was just pulling your leg.

Me: Well, it’s not funny – don’t joke with me Ants like that – please!

Anthony: So where are you now? Is he there?

Me: Who? Ming?

Anthony: No, that guy we were just … that guy, that man … Jules I love you.

And it went on like this for awhile until the nurse intervened, reassured me on the phone and gave it back to me to say goodnight to Ants.

It is going to be okay. I know all about dementia so I am prepared but this jealousy is so new it flabbergasts me.

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The excursion

This morning, the nursing lodge bus came out at 10am with ‘the men’s group’. It was a great success!

Staff, residents and volunteers

Morning tea

Godfrey’s gang did their contortionist act but were outshone by an impromptu perfomance by the turkeys

Anthony and me

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Why didn’t I think of this before?

Every Thursday morning the nursing lodge has a bus excursion and Anthony usually goes. Last Thursday I arrived at the nursing lodge at around noon to be told that Anthony was still out and that the excursion was to Dardanup (our town!) They’d gone up to the hills just past our farm. So, when the bus returned and Ants was being helped back to his room by the nurse in charge of the excursion, I asked if it would be possible for the bus to come to our place and she said yes!

So tomorrow, they are coming here and I am so excited. The nurse said they might make it a semi-regular thing and I wanted to kiss her feet! This would be a stress-free way of getting Anthony home for a few hours and I am sure the other residents will enjoy it too. They always bring their own morning tea and there are enough staff for any toilet emergencies, so I am definitely in yeeha mode! Anthony seems to think it is a great idea too.

I have told the birds that they will have an audience tomorrow between 9.30 and 11.30am, so they are all practising for Godfrey’s contortionist competition.

Another contortionist

A competing peahen

Woodroffe thinks he will win the competition

Pearl will be performing in the pond

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Anthony is coming home for the day.

My husband, Anthony, is coming home for the day. I will pick him up from the nursing lodge in about two hours and bring him back to the farm. He is determined to help us do some jobs around the place, to relight the Aga and to get a fire going in the fireplace. These jobs will take until lunchtime and I am going to make one of his simple favourites – scrambled egg with chopped tomato. After lunch I predict he will have one of those weird ‘turns’ he has at noon but this time I will not panic or get the ambulance – I will just wait it out and let him sleep for awhile, even though it isn’t really sleeping; it’s more of a going almost unconscious thing which one doctor describes as a ‘brain freeze’ typical of Anthony’s type of Parkinson’s Disease.

Then we will probably all watch something funny on television (Anthony’s favourite series is Black Books), have afternoon tea while I show him the blog, then I will take him back before 5.30pm when dinner is served at the nursing lodge. By this time (I know from experience) Anthony will be very crippled and it will take both Son and me to get him to the car and Son’s patience will have run out. He is a wonderful teenager but, having shared the care of Anthony over the years previous to admission to the nursing lodge, Son has had enough and I completely understand this, so I will not make him accompany us on the drive back.

On return to the nursing lodge I may have to fetch a wheelchair. We will be greeted by the beautiful, friendly staff and I will settle Anthony back into his room, stay for awhile and try to jolly him out of his sadness at not being able to stay the night at home. Then I will leave and try very hard not to cry on the way home again. Once back at the farm I will feed the birds and put them away for the night, then I will go into the house where Son will give me a bearhug.

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