jmgoyder

wings and things

Dec 31

The party animal is back!

by jmgoyder

Ming has taken the good car down south, with a best friend, to a New Year’s Eve party because he only has an automatic licence and our very old ute (truck) is manual, so guess who is driving that? Yes, me, and it is so ancient that just turning the steering wheel left and right etc., on even a short drive, is equivalent to a two-hour arm workout at the gym (not that I’ve ever done that).

We finally have a date for the court case – 22nd January – but until then Ming still has his driver’s licence, so he is making the most of it. Of course, since the car accident, I am very nervous about him driving but, except for the aberration in October, he is a careful driver and is not a drinker, so I hope they both have a great, safe time, but look forward to their return tomorrow.

Ming is off all of the strong painkillers now and just needs panadol occasionally; the bandages are off and he is definitely straighter again and the pre-op. pain has gone. It was a bit of a shock to see that the new scar is almost as long as the one from his original scoliosis operation (almost the whole length of his spine) so I guess they had to rummage around a bit to replace the two broken bits of titanium – yes two! and pack crushed bone from the bone bank all around the area to ensure it all knits back together.

I have probably posted these photos before, but I like them because they show his character. Yes, we have our arguments and conflicts, and we wrestle in different ways with the anxiety about the accident, the kids, the future, but we always talk things through. It is so good to see Ming bouncing back again.

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Happy New Year, Ming, my wonderful party animal son, and may all your dreams come true!

Note: Luckily he doesn’t read my blog any more because he would probably cringe at my sentimentality here – ha!

Animal blogging Family Friendship Happiness

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Dec 30

One Way!

by jmgoyder

A couple of weeks ago I had to get Ming to Perth (2 hour drive) by 6.30am, so he could be admitted into the hospital for corrective surgery to his spine. By the time we got to Perth, I was a bit flustered so, when I turned into a one-way street next to the huge hospital, I lost my nerve at the hospital’s ticket-taking machine, so I backed out into that same one-way street and parked the car.

Several hours later, my dearest friend met me for lunch at the hospital and we walked back to my car so I could put more coins in the meter. As soon as he saw my car, he exclaimed that it was pointing in the wrong direction and warned me that I might get a fine. Well he was right! And here is the proof – me standing next to the car with the $70 ticket in my trembling hands.

photo of Julie

It strikes me now that this photograph may be symbolic of something but I am not sure what!

Friendship Happiness

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Dec 30

My friend, Nicola

by jmgoyder

“Nicola” is a sort of pseudonym for one of my very best friends. The other night, Ming and I were invited to go to her place for drinks but the day got complicated with Anthony home again; unexpected visitors; food shopping; a dreadful hour back at the nursing home in the late afternoon when Ants was almost too paralyzed to get from car to his room despite my help; hurting my stupid back lifting him; Ming getting his bandages wet and me having to peel them off to see a much longer scar/wound than I’d expected, not being able to find the betadine, a rather nasty altercation with the beautiful brat, planning the exciting visit to see my youngest brother, wife and kids the next day and liaising with my mother about this; answering calls on my stupid, non-working, cutting-out phone; getting a headache; and forgetting to put beer in the fridge – argh!

But Nicola was expecting me so, by the time I’d done the bird feeding/watering/yarding, I was kind of ready to go but then Ming and I had another altercation and I ended up yelling at him because the same drugs that were making him all lovey-dovey are now making him monsterish – another argh!

So I rang Nicola and said we couldn’t come (I only told her a bit of the above which is already an abbreviated version of the hell of the day) and she said that it was okay.

I now think that the sentence, “It’s okay” is the best sentence ever invented because it says everything. When someone lets you off the hook of a commitment that you have broken by saying “It’s okay” your whole heart stops holding itself tight and starts beating out a beautiful soft song of gentle understanding and relief.

My reputation for letting people down at the last minute is something that I am not proud of but it stems from the days/years when I was looking after Anthony at home. I became reliably unreliable!

Thanks, Nicola, for your understanding and empathy and amazing friendship. You are a rock!

IT’S OKAY!

Family Friendship Grief Happiness LOVE STORY Parkinson's disease

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Dec 26

Neighbours from heaven!

by jmgoyder

Anthony was in his 60s when he retired from dairy farming, due to a combination of factors including ill health. Now Ming, at 19, has been forced to retire from his job as dairy hand for our neighbours due to his back. Once he is over this second surgery you never know, he may be able to return but in the meantime he has been replaced.

Ming’s boss’s mother came over just before Christmas with a whole bag of different chocolate treats for him; she is such a gem! Below are two photos she took of Ming milking a little while ago. I was so proud of him walking in his dad’s boots and she is so glad they now have someone who can hang up the hose properly better than Ming – ha!

Despite the sadness that Ming has had to give up a job that he’d only just begun to do full-time, the fantastic thing is that we have gotten to know these amazing neighbours over the last three years and they have given us their friendship and support throughout our various ordeals. Ming said to me the other day that his boss’s mother is like his own ‘second’ mother!

I wish this extended family all the very best for 2014 and we feel indebted to them in so many ways. They are dairy farmers from way back which makes them heroes in an era when this kind of farming has become unpopular (due to the necessary 24/7 commitment).

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Family Friendship Grief Happiness

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Dec 25

Christmas day with my husband, son and mother.

by jmgoyder

Ants, Ming, Meg and me.

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Thanks, Ma, for providing the turkey and the massive pavlova, and enabling us all to have a very cruisy day. Thanks, weather, for not being too hot. Thanks, God, for making today’s church service interesting and down-to-earth. Thanks, Anthony, for squeezing my hand on our way back to the nursing home and wiping my unexpected tears. Thanks, Ming, for being almost okay post-op. and for your humour. Thanks, extended family, for our wonderful night at Meg’s at Christmas Eve, my niece and husband’s homecoming, my brother’s homecoming (just last night!) Oh the list is getting too long so … to be continued ha!

Family Friendship Happiness LOVE STORY Parkinson's disease

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Dec 20

“Mummy!”

by jmgoyder

Ming was allowed to come home today, three days after his surgery which was a fantastic surprise (we were told he’d be in hospital until Christmas Eve). I’d been staying in a hotel for a couple of nights and coming and going to the hospital, but checked out yesterday, planning to visit Ming then go home to the farm to feed and water the dogs, birds and alpacas, only to be told he’d be discharged today! So I quickly rang a friend to see if she could do the animals and checked back into the hotel for another night.

Yesterday Ming was still attached to the pain+antibiotic drip, a catheter, and a blood drain thingy, oxygen, and he could hardly get out of bed and walk a few steps, but today he was free of the various tubes and fighting fit – amazing! It is 8pm here and we got home around an hour ago. Ming is in a lot of pain but has three kinds of painkillers so is now in bed.

One of the painkillers has a strange side-effect – Mummy love! It is so hilarious; on Tuesday evening when he finally came out of surgery, he kept looking at me woozily and saying, “Oh, Mummy, give me your hand, hold my hand, I want to have a cubble (cuddle), you are the best mummy in the whole wide world, oh I love you so much” etc. If I let his hand go for a moment, he would yell, “Mummy, I need your hand! Muuuuuuummmmmmmyyyyyyyyy!”

Now this would have been okay if (a) he had a private room, and (b) he had a quiet voice. But he was in a shared room with three men who were all chuckling every time Ming yelled out, “Mummy, hand – where’s your hand?” After a couple of hours of this I started to get a bit embarrassed and sick of holding his stupid hand! His nurse was laughing hysterically (but quietly) at his antics and, as Ming got sleepier, she helped me remove my hand from his so I could escape to my hotel and have a well-earned wine.

My hand is still aching from his grip – so funny!

And so absolutely wonderful!

Note: Thank you so much to my WordPress and Facebook, and other friends and family (especially my own mother) for all of your prayers, wishes and messages to us. I haven’t had time to reply properly but please know how much your comments, care and love is appreciated by Ming and Muuuuummmmmyyyyy!

Animal blogging Family Friendship Happiness

78 Comments »
Dec 14

Not buying into Christmas

by jmgoyder

Such a relief! Today, Ming and I had planned to go into town, get presents for each other and Anthony, get a Christmas tree, a ham, wrapping paper, sticky tape (which I can never find), send a few last-minute cards, decorate the house, find the Christmas tree lights and ornaments (oh where did I put them?) and generally have a frantic, stressful, expensive, horrible day.

But on waking up this morning to a day that was already promising relentless heat, I changed my mind and a bit later I discussed my idea with Ming:

Me: I think we should postpone Christmas.
Ming: What?
Me: Well, you will be in hospital until Christmas Eve … actually maybe we should just skip Christmas this year.
Ming: What? No presents?
Me: No presents.
Ming: No tree?
Me: No tree.
Ming: No turkey?
Me: No turkey.
Ming: No Christmas crackers?
Me: No Christmas crackers.
Ming: Mum, this is such a relief!
Me: So you agree?
Ming: I think it’s a brilliant idea!
Me: Without all the usual fuss we can celebrate Christmas for what it is.
Ming: Do you mean go to church?
Me: Yes.
Ming: Okay, let’s shake on this.

So we shook hands and grinned at each other.

The sense of relief is huge! I don’t have to fight through the throngs at the shops, spend a small fortune on ‘stuff’, don’t have to worry about how the hell I am going to cook a turkey with no oven, don’t have to search the whole of Australia for cranberry sauce, don’t have to spend hours wrapping presents, don’t have to queue up at the post office – ahhhhh!

A bit later:

Ming: But what will we eat for lunch on Christmas day?
Me: Ham sandwiches? I mean Anthony hardly has any appetite anymore anyway, it’ll be too hot for me to eat and you’re a fussy brat.
Ming: I like ham sandwiches.
Me: Good, then that’s decided.
Ming: But Grandma’s still coming on Christmas day isn’t she?
Me: No.
Ming: WHAT?!
Me: I’m joking, you idiot!

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh – now all I have to do today is frolic with the peacocks – yeeha!

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Animal Australia Family Friendship Happiness Humour joy Marriage Parkinson's disease Teenagers Western Australia Wings

41 Comments »
Dec 12

Here we go again!

by jmgoyder

Yesterday Ming and I went up to Perth for the pre-op. things – blood and urine, ECG, consent forms for bone graft and bone marrow, consultations with a nurse, a doctor and an anaesthetist and, in the midst of all of these exciting events, I opened the letter we’d been given on arrival.

Well I got a bit of a shock because his surgery is scheduled for next Tuesday, 17th December! This means he will come out of hospital on Christmas Eve, or may be in over Christmas. Ming is elated it is happening before the new year but, with such short notice, I am a bit panicked about organizing things. He has to be in the hospital at 6.30am which means we will have to go up to Perth the night before and stay in a hotel. I will probably book in for two nights so I can see him the next day but then he wants me to come home again (“so you have time to get my Christmas presents, Mum!”)

This revision surgery is nothing compared to the massive scoliosis op. last year so it should be a piece of cake (I hope!) I took his photo this afternoon after asking him how he felt about the op. His expression is difficult to read but to me it says, “Fine!”

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While we’re in Perth, these two guys will look after the farm!

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Animal Australia Family Humour Teenagers Western Australia

64 Comments »
Nov 23

Ming’s scoliosis decision

by jmgoyder

Yesterday Ming made the decision to have the surgery on his spine and we will know when in the next week or so. The decision was not make lightly and no longer has anything to do with aesthetics (originally he was more upset to see that his straightened spine was now five degrees more crooked than it was post surgery in February 2012.) Now it is more to do with the ache at the site of where he fractured a length of titanium when he lifted something too heavy on our farm some months ago.

Apparently the fractured piece will not be replaced but instead will be mended with some sort of screw, then anchored to neighbouring vertebrae with more titanium and surrounded by bone from the bone bank. The operation will only be two hours this time, with no spinal cord monitoring required (the original surgery was around nine hours).

There is no guarantee that he will be straighter but there is hope that the pain will go away. The surgeon is now insistent that he stops all manual labour, not just now, but forever, which is something we were naive about last year. I guess we thought that once he’d healed he would once again be able to do anything he wanted to do; we didn’t understand the foreverness of his scoliosis condition, or perhaps we just didn’t want to accept it.

As with everything, Ming is coping much better than I am with the prognosis – surgery or not – but I am doing a very good job of hiding how sad I feel that my great, big, strong footballing, motorbike riding boy will never be able to bend, turn, lift etc. like most people can. So, yes, I am a little tragified but he isn’t and is very philosophical, which is great.

It’s all going to be fine.

Ming's Christmas present 2010 - 'Black beauty'

Family Grief joy Teenagers

63 Comments »
Nov 21

Not sure….

by jmgoyder

Tomorrow, Ming and I will go up for our final appointment with the spinal surgeon before corrective surgery is scheduled for the titanium fracture Ming caused by lifting something too heavy for his ‘new’ back. (He had surgery last February to correct a 75% scoliosis).

I am in two minds about further surgery. Okay the titanium fracture was a shock (mainly because I/we didn’t think titanium was breakable), but also because Ming has been in pain ever since – not agonizing pain, more crampy, achy pain if he has to twist, turn, lift etc.

Ming wants the corrective surgery, to hopefully solve the pain problem, but he also wants to be straight again. After the scoliosis surgery, his spine/scar/back looked almost straight and he was delighted in a double-whammy way; he was tall again and his asthma abated. He was amazingly accepting of the fact that he could never play football again, or go trail-biking on his motorbike. In fact, he has been told not to run, cycle, or even play volleyball or badminton because of the jolting effects these activities might have on his wonky back.

Now he is crooked again and he doesn’t want to be crooked.

The surgeon has already said that corrective surgery may not work so tomorrow I will be ready with some specific questions. Maybe we will opt out of further surgery – I don’t know. It has to Ming’s decision now that he is 19 – not mine.

I’m not sure….

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Embarrassing moments Family Grief Teenagers

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