I have rediscovered cooking! Yesterday it was sticky date pudding. I don’t like sweets myself but Anthony and Ming are ecstatic and I am thrilled about this new chapter in our lives.
Ants. Ming and I are sticky-date-pudding ourselves together again.
Ming’s shed
Ming and I don’t argue anymore now that he is living in the shed. This is good. If I irritate him, he can go to his shed; if he irritates me, I can send him to his shed.
The shed/home was Anthony’s conception over two years ago and he still gets a thrill out of seeing its very gradual progression from old shed to teenage abode. At the moment the floor is still concrete and there are no blinds to keep the sun out, but Ming has just ordered both and paid half (he is working full-time now).
He doesn’t have ablutions over there, or cooking facilities, so he still has to come home a lot (ha – I still have the power at a distance of 50 metres!)
Why am I so wordless?
I have tried a several times now, over the last few weeks, to write the words that seem to seep with a strange, crimson elation into my heart, but I can’t adequately describe this. Hence the clumsy metaphor, allusion, my tears.
Anthony and I have finally made a stumbling leap into accepting that he is in the nursing lodge forever and I am home without him forever. This acceptance has brought more joy than I ever thought possible.
No words….
The wedding.
In a few days my first niece, Ashtyn, will be wedded to a Scottish man, Gordon, in a castle in Scotland. My mother arrived there safely and she and Ash have now had two days together. I am so jealous but am comforted by the fact that the newlyweds will be moving back here to Western Australia in December – yeeha!
They are both extremely photogenic.
To Scotland!
Today I am taking my mother up to the airport to fly to Scotland. My beautiful niece is getting married there. Some of you may recall that, having just recovered from a fractured hip, my mother fell off her bicycle and broke her pelvis in two places and her wrist in three. We thought she wouldn’t be able to go to the wedding but she is now almost fully recovered. Bravo, Mother!
Small joys
Tiny moccasins for my soon-to-be-born niece
Anthony kissing my hand today as if I were royalty
The new kitchen sink plug that makes it possible to wash the dishes in less of a rush
My new red boots
Getting the stupid lawn mower fixed finally
Choosing Lino and blinds for Ming’s shed
Watching Judge Judy with Ants (he loves her!)
The baby kookaburra I saw yesterday
Accepting what is
Nosey!
It’s all very odd to me, and possibly illusory, but for the last few days our visits to Anthony, little drives here and there and, today, Ming’s famous NOSEY with Anthony, have reproduced a longlost joy.
Sorry – that sentence was far too long. Oh, and what is a NOSEY? It’s when you ‘kiss’ someone with your nose. We three have now been doing this for nearly 20 years. It’s quite pleasant.
You’re the only one left
Anthony and I exchange I love you as if we are some sort of romantically tragic play that never reaches its denoument.
But the other night on the phone the script shifted, rustling the worn paragraphs of our repetitive goodnight conversation.
Me: I love you.
Anthony: You’re the only one left.
That shocked me a bit, but he didn’t say it self-pityingly at all; he said it with certainty, like a simple fact.
Subtle and sudden shifts
Anthony’s recent shift from despondency to humour has been gradual, subtle, under-stated, whereas my inexplicable shift from sad to happy has been sudden and boisterous.
I know that part of these shifts are to do with our mutual acceptance of the reality of our situation but, if so, why didn’t we accept this months ago?
Oh who cares why – we are happy again!
jmgoyder 