Today, Anthony ate his vitamised food well, was able to speak a bit, and smiled at my mother, who has recently returned from a wedding in Melbourne. It was while she was away that he had the TIA (mini-stroke) that really freaked me out and catapulted me into making funeral arrangements – mainly because he’d had another of these two days prior.
Even before the nursing home, Ants had had these mini-strokes and twice I called the ambulance and he was hospitalised. Both of these experiences were dreadful because he became so disorientated and anxious but at the time I didn’t know what a TIA was.
Today I spoke to one of the many lovely nurses at the nursing home to check with her if I’d signed the ‘not for resuscitation’ form. That was a yes. But I also wanted to check that I had signed off on the end-of-life form, so we are going to discuss/check this tomorrow because I don’t want Anthony hospitalised, or given a feeding tube, or any interventions that might prolong suffering.
Anthony doesn’t appear to be suffering but his feeling intensely cold during the day, and hot during the night (and I remember this from when he was still home), may actually be physical pain? I don’t know because he rarely complains. And even if he wanted to say he is thirsty – and he is suddenly thirsty constantly – his ability to speak is too diminished to express anything coherent to the carers.
He was always a larger-than-life person – loud, boisterous, the life of the party, and Ming (Menzies Goyder) is such a clone of Anthony. I love this!
And now, this evening, as I reflect on today, I realise that Anthony is also a larger-than-death person. Yes, he will probably die in the next few months or weeks but he will live on in so many hearts because he is so loved, by so many – not just Ming and me.
jmgoyder 