Anthony isn’t dead yet, and we have never discussed things like burial versus cremation, so I guess those decisions will be up to me, and Ming.
Today, I fed him his vitamised lunch, but he wasn’t particularly interested in the food; he was, as usual (as in the last week or so), very thirsty, so the drinks were a success. Conversation was close to nil and then he went to sleep while I watched television blankly.
I soon realised that he must have had one of those TIAs (mini-strokes) because he was unwakeable. But, as I’d already signed the forms indicating that Anthony was not a candidate for hospitalisation, resuscitation, a feeding tube, or any intervention, I didn’t alert the staff. In all honesty, having seen him diminish so rapidly over recent days, I rather hoped he would die with my warm thumb on his cold wrist.
All afternoon, I kept checking his pulse, hoping for two opposite things! I wanted him to die, for his sake; I wanted him to live, for my sake, and for Ming’s.
Death is definitely on its way for Anthony. Strangely, I didn’t see it coming but now I do. Accepting that has helped me, tonight, to make funeral arrangement decisions. If I make those decisions now, and pre-pay for his funeral, we will at least be able to grieve without so much red tape.
Last week, Ants and I would have been able to joke about funeral caskets; last week, Ming and I would have been able to discuss the future with Anthony in it; this week the whole story has changed.
jmgoyder 