Many thanks to Kaleb Treacy for helping Ming to put this music together for the funeral of his dad, Anthony.
Kaleb Treacy
Menzies Goyder
Privilege.
One of the many privileges you receive working in a Nursing Home is getting to know your resident.
Through their eye’s, they share beautiful memories and stories of A Life Lived.
They share how very Proud they are of their Wife and Son. I have the privilege to be able to sit with A resident as they Lovingly explain the family dynamic’s, in all it’s complexities.
It is these very moment’s that I do what I do and why I love it so very much. When my Residents journey come’s to a end, I have a understanding of the families pain and that is itself a Honour.
I have some understanding of the level of devotion my Resident has for his Wife.
The struggle he endured in the early days, Loving her so intensely but waiting for the right time to make Her His Wife, Like the True Gentleman he is. He once said…
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5. Banter
Anthony, Ming and have always enjoyed bantering and, fortunately for us, Anthony still enjoys it, despite his Dementia. He has very thick skin when it comes to being teased and has always loved making people laugh.
Sometimes, he flabbergasts with his one-liners and his quick-wittedness. Last Christmas we all decided to forego presents and instead just partake in some very expensive crayfish. Anthony feigned disappointment and I became defensive.
Me: You didn’t get me a present either!
Anthony: Well, that was a calculated risk.
For someone who is so often unable to articulate what he wants to say, both cognitively (the Dementia) and physiologically (the Parkinson’s Disease’s effect on this throat muscles) he comes out with some absolutely brilliant come-back remarks. It’s not just us he banters with, he also responds to the banter of friends, family and the staff. If there happens to be a group of more than two in his room, he finds it difficult to follow what is sometimes a very lively conversation but one-to-one his wit is often surprisingly apt.
Nevertheless these kinds of dialogues are few and far between now as much of what Anthony says is either indecipherable or incoherent much to his obvious frustration. At those times Ming and I have learned to divert the conversation back to banter and this usually works really well.
Ming’s style of banter is very boisterous and he will pretend he is going to leap onto Anthony’s lap just as he did when he was little, and/or actually sit on his lap, ruffle his hair and yell things like, “Daddywaddy, my favourite parent!” (He especially likes to say this when I am there too) much to Anthony’s amusement.
Diversion is also a great way of steering a distressing conversation away from itself. For example:
Anthony: When are you taking me home, Jules? This recurring question is always tricky for me as Anthony has no idea that it is now years since I have been able to bring him home. So I resort to banter. I know it seems contrived but it works for us. In answer to the home question, I will often say something totally off topic, as I did the other day:
Me: You have such a BIG nose, Ants.
Anthony: You just want to see me naked.
And in a matter of seconds the fraught and heartbreaking reference to home is forgotten.
jmgoyder 