jmgoyder

wings and things

Jan 27

Is it okay to be angry with the person who is sick?

by jmgoyder

Yes it is!

This morning, I rang Anthony to let him know I would get him taxied out here this afternoon and he said, “So I can be taken away like a piece of garbage again?” Lucid, sarcastic, uncharacteristically nasty.

Ït wasn’t my fault the taxi came an hour early, Ants!

Well whose fault was it, Jules?

Long story short, a wonderful nephew of Ants brought him out to the farm at around 11am and was willing to take Ants back but Ants wanted to stay longer. Okay.’

Once the nephew had gone and Ming wasn’t within earshot, I sat with Ants in the kitchen and asked him calmly why he was so mad at me.

Because I want to stay home!

I lost my temper! We had a humdinger of a row during which I ranted about him being selfish, told him that I couldn’t cope with this new nastiness from him and, finally yelled what I have tried to gently say for nearly a year on a daily basis – YOU CAN’T COME HOME TO STAY, ANTS!

He finally accepted it and I got him outside to the front veranda to wait for the taxi. We shared the beer we missed out on yesterday and reconciled with lots of loveydovey conversation.

We cleared the air, apologized to each other, hugged and kissed and held hands and I explained how I am suffering too. Ants understood finally and I realized that it was okay to have been so angry with him.

Oh and the taxi arrived an hour late this time – argh!

Family Friendship LOVE STORY

54 Comments »
Jan 26

Moments

by jmgoyder

pea 1115pea 1110

I have never before been so attentive to, and appreciative of, a single moment. Moments are much more pleasant than hours.

Anthony was taxied home this morning and, even though his 11am drug hadn’t quite kicked in, Ming and I managed to get him into the kitchen because it was too hot outside.

The three of us had a rollicking time with a little bit of champagne thrown in. Then Ming’s two best mates dropped in to see Ants. I knew Ming had invited them, but I was heartmelted that they bothered, these two amazing young men! Ants was delighted to see them and we all spent an hour or so, still in the kitchen, bantering, listening to Triple J, and eating vegemite on toast.

By this time Ants was just able enough to go for a drive with Ming in the new ute so the friends left and Ming took off with Ants. By this time Ming’s demeanor had altered from grinny to grumpy. By this time I knew I would have to order the taxi for 3pm, not 4pm, which I did.

Ming and Ants got back and I helped Ants out of the ute and walked him to a chair on the front veranda. He was okayish and suggested a beer! I went into the house to find Ming fuming that Ants had dribbled in the ute (drooling is common in Parkinson’s Disease). I bit back and we had a rather nasty altercation.

And then, just as I was about to join Ants on the veranda for a beer, a taxi arrived – one hour early – 2pm! The shock and disappointment was terrible for Ants and the only way I could make it okay was to say we’d do it again tomorrow.

So it was a bit of a mishmash of a day. On the other hand, the good moments far outweighed the yucky ones. And the best moment was when Ming made Anthony smile!

Family Friendship LOVE STORY

75 Comments »
Jan 25

The struggle

by jmgoyder

I am half elated and half deflated in anxious anticipation of Anthony coming home for the day tomorrow.

It will be a difficult day, and no amount of positive thinking will change that because the Parkinson’s Disease owns him now.

Two nights ago, I rang him and he said ‘they’ were going to blow him up and I wouldn’t be able to find his pieces. I could hear a nurse calming him down.

One of our best friends is going through the ordeal of chemotherapy and radiotherapy for cancer.

Several of my blog friends are battling severe health issues and one has just lived through the death of her daughter.

I am scared because I dón’t want Anthony to come home tomorrow because he is so heavy with illness.

It’s the old Ants I want – and so does he – ironic.

blogging Family Friendship LOVE STORY

58 Comments »
Jan 25

While I was away….

by jmgoyder

pea 926pea 923Someone took over my office!

Animal Friendship Wings

43 Comments »
Jan 22

R and R

by jmgoyder

Rest and Resort.

Ming bought me this 3-day holiday.

I am in joy!

Family Friendship LOVE STORY

32 Comments »
Jan 21

Disappointment

by jmgoyder

Yesterday afternoon, around 12 of our friends and relatives arrived here at 5pmish to see Anthony. I had ordered the wheelchair taxi to pick him up at 4.30 from the nursing lodge so, by 5.30, I was wondering why he hadn’t arrived.

Long story short (after I made numerous phone-calls) it turned out that the taxi had arrived early and didn’t wait so, by the time a nurse had Ants outside in a wheelchair, it was too late.

When I got to speak to Ants on the phone (6pm), there was a bit of a party happening here but with the star missing. The disappointment in his voice was devastating for me because I had organized it all for him and the stupid mis-timing of the taxi wrecked it.

I was supposed to leave for my little holiday this morning, but have decided to go this evening instead because I must see Ants first.

Family Friendship LOVE STORY

33 Comments »
Jan 20

Yeeha!

by jmgoyder

pea 741I have had a few yeeha! experiences lately.

Yeeha 1: Some of my university friends came over the other night with beer, pizza, hugs and laughter. One had her gorgeous fiance with her, plus another friend, then another of my beautiful friends and her daughter arrived, then Ming’s two best friends. It was a fantastic evening, full of wine-induced wisdom, frivolous guffaws, and crowded conversation. Best fun I’ve had for ages! It reminded me of the hundreds of similarly hilarious evenings here when Anthony was well and the life-of-the-party host. He would never sit down.

Yeeha 2: This afternoon I’ve arranged for the wheelchair taxi to pick Ants up from the nursing lodge and bring him home for a few hours. I’ve also invited his nephew’s family and his best mate’s family – a little party!

Yeeha 3: Tomorrow I go away for the 3-night resort holiday Ming has paid for and I cannot wait – am so excited. The only stipulation is that I de-clutter my office first. Wish me luck!

Animal Family Friendship LOVE STORY

35 Comments »
Jan 19

I care about you

by jmgoyder

When I first began blogging, I had no idea that I would begin to care about people who I may never meet face to face.

As a newbie to the world of birds, I was drawn to blogs about birds, then drawn to blogs about photography.

As a carer for a husband with Parkinson’s Disease, I was drawn to blogs about PD, nursing homes, other people’s experiences of other illnesses.

As the mother of a teenage son, I was drawn to blogs about parenting, children and Erma Bombecky humour.

As a writer, I was drawn to blogs written by an array of different people – all ages, all styles, all genres, all fantastic.

As a woman battling grief, I was drawn to blogs about grief and blogs about inspiration – a good mix.

Tonight, I am drawn into the blog of a woman who has become my friend. Her daughter died today after a gruelling battle with disease.

I care about you.

Animal blogging Family Friendship LOVE STORY Wings

76 Comments »
Jan 18

He ain’t heavy?

by jmgoyder

pea 592pea 590pea 591pea 583

Gutsy 9 (baby peacock who is now 6 weeks old) has become disenchanted with my shoulder because he is too big to get comfortable. He prefers to sit on the floor next to my feet now, almost like a dog! I have to admit that I, too, prefer this arrangement because I am a little tired of him throwing his wings in my face and biting my ear when he loses his grip on my shoulder. And when he can’t get his little mohawk head tucked into my neck (his favourite way to nap), he squawks! Luckily he is now getting used to the outside so, as soon as he is big enough to fly into the trees at night, I will stop babying him.

Anthony continues to ask if he can come home for the night and I continue to break my heart explaining that he is too heavy for me to lift. Ming and I went into the nursing lodge so Ming could take Ants for a ride in the new ute but Ants wasn’t well enough. We will try again tomorrow.

Ming has had his hair cut! He has had mixed reactions to this weight off his shoulders – ha!

Animal Family Friendship LOVE STORY Wings

51 Comments »
Jan 17

Happiness guilt

by jmgoyder

I have always had a bit of a problem with “happiness guilt”. As a child, I had a keen awareness that while I had a loving family, enough food, and a house to live in, other children in other places didn’t. So I developed a kind of resistance to happiness because it made me feel so guilty when I knew other people – particularly children – might be unhappy.

When I posted about Ming’s new ute, I didn’t mention the episode of happiness guilt he experienced for nearly an hour after Anthony and I shocked him with his birthday present.

I took Ants back into the lodge for lunch and wondered why Ming was taking so long to come in and join us. Finally I went outside to find Ming in a severe state of happiness guilt.

Ming: But I don’t deserve it – I can’t believe this!
Me: It was Dad’s idea and I made it happen.
Ming: But how? We don’t have any money! I’m so worried!
Me: Dad had some savings – Ming, please stop worrying, it’s okay. This is giving Ants so much joy – it’s sort of vicarious.
Ming: But it’s 4WD!
Me: Dad’s idea.
Ming: And turbo! And diesel! With a steel tray! And it’s automatic!
Me: Dad wanted to get you the best.
Ming: No, I don’t deserve it!
Me: You do! Now get over it and come in and say all this to Ants!

In the end I had to get a couple of nurses to go out and convince Ming to be happy and not guilty! He finally came in, hugged and thanked Ants and things lightened up but it was only when Ming (still on L-plates) was driving us home that the happiness finally got the better of the guilt.

Phew!

Family Friendship LOVE STORY

53 Comments »
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