Happiness | jmgoyder

Parkinsonism, body thermostats, and the bitch.

by jmgoyder

The other day, when Anthony was home for lunch and the afternoon, and Ming and I were trying to get the living room warm enough for him, I became a bit impatient. We had a roaring fire going, a heater on, and two blankets on his knees, but he was still shivering with cold in a room so hot that I was soaked with perspiration.

– Your thermostat’s had the bomb, Ants! I accidentally sort of yelled this as I was wrapping the stupid blankets under and around his feet.

– Mum, don’t be such a bitch! Yes, that came from Ming of course.

– Ants, can you tell Ming not to ever again call me a bitch?

And then Anthony said very clearly, I think, that in this context, it’s acceptable.

Shared laughter immediately thrilled its way through that hot room!

Family Friendship Happiness LOVE STORY Marriage Parkinson's disease Parkinson's disease dementia

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Free lunch

by jmgoyder

Anthony’s Parkinsonism symptoms include difficulty in swallowing but, so far, he is still able to half-manage normal, rather than mushed meals. However, his appetite is diminished and he has a dribbling problem.

Recently I have been going into the nursing lodge in the late mornings so that I can help him with his lunch. The lunch meal is always huge and often a roast, and is delicious. Ants only ever eats half of it, so I secretly gobble the rest with a separate spoon or fork.

– Use my fork, he says.
– I’m not particularly keen on your saliva, I say.
– One more mouthful, he says.
– So you want me to actually feed you?
– Erotic, he says without hesitation, and I crack up laughing.

I wonder what’s on the menu tomorrow.

Family Friendship Happiness LOVE STORY Marriage Parkinson's disease Parkinson's disease dementia

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Gutsy9 update in the form of a haiku

by jmgoyder

Atop my shoulder
This beautiful little friend
My teenage peacock

[Many thanks to Samantha for this photo of G9 yesterday].

Animal Birds blogging Family Friendship Happiness Wings

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Joy

by jmgoyder

It seems indecent to feel, or worse embrace, joy, when your loved one is disappearing.

But joy is clever; it sneaks into the mud of your sorrow and explodes it away in rainbowish sparkles.

It is nearly 35 years since I, rather transparently, fell in love with Anthony and he kept his reciprocal feelings secret (I was, after all, still a teenager and he was over 40).

I think of what we had, what we endured, what we celebrated, and what we have now, as a big kind of love – huge, inviolable, but feather-light, a joy.

I have never felt so sad.
I have never felt so happy.

Joy.
Anthony.

Family Grief Happiness LOVE STORY Marriage Parkinson's disease Parkinson's disease dementia Wings

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Parkinsonism

by jmgoyder

I am finding it very difficult to talk/write about this without crumbling into a teary mess of memories. Hopefully, it will be okay if I just post short glimpses of how Anthony’s Parkinsonism revealed itself. It’s not all tragic, of course, and we continue to have many comic moments.

My first memory of something being amiss with my macho-machine husband was when he couldn’t open the Vegemite jar for our morning toast. I even remember teasing Anthony which, in retrospect, seems cruel, but we had a buoyantly bantery relationship, a beautiful little son, and I was adept at opening jars of Vegemite for Ming.

Little did we know then that Parkinsonism had moved into the spare room.

Family Friendship Grief Happiness LOVE STORY Marriage

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The Parkinson’s disease that nobody seems to know about

by jmgoyder

Okay, of course the medical professionals know a bit about the type of Parkinson’s disease that Anthony has lived with for nearly a decade, but his official diagnosis is Parkinsonism. Anthony doesn’t have the Michael J Fox variety of Parkinson’s disease; for example, he has no tremors. If he’d had the characteristic tremors, we may have found out earlier.

Anthony’s Parkinsonism is best described as a list of losses in movement. If I look back in time, my first memory of a change in Anthony was his face. It was a big, huge face with a receding hairline and a deeply grooved forehead, twinkling blue eyes, large, but refined nose, sunburned cheeks, large, laughing mouth with good, straight teeth, and a strong jaw.

To be be continued….

Family Friendship Grief Happiness LOVE STORY Marriage Parkinson's disease Parkinson's disease dementia

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June 1st

by jmgoyder

Well I had my month off blogging, and only kept up with other people’s blogs haphazardly, and I have to say it was a refreshingly silent month. It has given me the time needed to reassess a few things, turn some corners, contemplate the future, and come to terms better with Anthony’s deterioration.

Gutsy 9, the not-so-baby peacock, is thriving and now sleeps in the wattle trees at night with the other peacocks, and is quick enough to get away from our two dogs now. He still does madly joyful pirouettes whenever he hears my voice and loves to fly up onto my shoulder for a kiss. (I don’t have a new picture of this so have included one from when he was little. He is now twice this size, so rather heavy).

Ming is still happily milking for our dairy farmer neighbours, and creating music in the evenings. He gave me 4 nights at a luxury resort for Mothers’Day – not a bad gift!

I still battle bouts of volcanic grief about what is happening to Anthony, but have learned a few more ways of bringing joy back into our little family.

It’s good to back and thanks for the many comments. This is a lovely community.

Animal Birds blogging Friendship Grief Happiness LOVE STORY Marriage Parkinson's disease Parkinson's disease dementia Wings

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An eventful year (1995)

by jmgoyder

In 1995, I got a part-time job at the local university lecturing in creative writing.

In 1995, Anthony was diagnosed with kidney cancer and had his left kidney removed

In 1995, Ming turned one, was baptised, went from crawling to running, learned how to clean his teeth, got into the vroom of things, slept peacefully, learned how to wash a car, yell HURRAY, climb mountains and open his own Christmas presents.

But, of the three of us, I am the only one who remembers any of this now because Ants is too old and Ming was too young.

Family Friendship Grief Happiness LOVE STORY Marriage Parkinson's disease Parkinson's disease dementia Teenagers

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Reject (1994)

by jmgoyder

“Reject” is the name Anthony gave a steer whose mother had rejected him at birth, and who Ants raised by hand. When he was little, this steer loved Ants so much that he would run at him, jump up and try to hug him around the neck with his two front legs.

Animal Family Friendship Happiness LOVE STORY Marriage Parkinson's disease dementia

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