writing | jmgoyder

Ming the Merciless!

by jmgoyder

When Ming finished school just over a year ago, his cohort was issued with school windcheaters which each kid was allowed to have labelled with their name or a nickname. Ming chose “Ming the Merciless.”

I was reminded of this when we drove into town yesterday morning for him to have his driving test. All the way in (20 minutes), he yelled different versions of a victory cry at the top of his lungs – for example:

ROOOAAARRRRGH – I AM GOING TO WIN THIS TIME!
ROOOAAARRRRGH – I AM MING THE MERCILESS!
ROOOAAARRRRGH – THIS IS MY DAY!
ROOOAAARRRRGH – DEATH TO THIS TEST!
ETC.

Eventually, I managed to quieten him a little by saying, “Now I want you to keep roaring, and I am sure you will pass this time, but just in case you don’t, it’s okay.”

He resumed his roar of absolute confidence even more loudly!

When we arrived, we waited outside, with another kid and his driving instructor, for the driving assessors to come out of the licencing centre. Ming had ceased roaring, but even his ordinary voice is LOUD, so he rather overwhelmed the other kid (who was very shy) with:

IS THIS YOUR FIRST TEST? DON’T WORRY, MATE, YOU’LL BE RIGHT! THIS IS MY FOURTH! WE ARE GOING TO NAIL IT! YES, YES, YES!

In the meantime I had a much quieter conversation with shy kid’s driving instructor.

“He’s just excited,” I said.

Öh,”he said.

Then (at exactly 7.50am) the driving assessors whooshed out of the building and called out the names of the victims ha! The shy kid simply nodded when his name was called but Ming yelled, “MING YES, THAT’S ME!”

A few minutes later, it was just the shy kid’s driving instructor and me sitting on a bench outside the centre, making pleasant smalltalk. I was trying very hard not to bite my fingernails!

About 25 minutes later, both assessors and boys arrived back. Unfortunately, the shy kid had failed outright so, as I watched his driving instructor and his mother commiserate with him, I also watched Ming’s body language as he sat inside the car listening to his assessor. I was still sitting on the bench at a distance from the car so I couldn’t hear what was being said but, at one point Ming put his head in his hands, then he threw his arms up in the air, then repeated both gestures before getting out of the car. I didn’t know if this meant he’d passed or failed.

As his assessor slipped back into the licencing centre, Ming approached the shy kid, and the shy kid’s mother and driving instructor with a loud ROAR, punching the air. They were standing just outside the centre whereas I was at a slight distance still glued to my bench. I yelled out, “Ming, yes or no?” as I ran towards him, but he didn’t hear me above his huge voice.

But, just as I reached him, he threw his arms around the shy kid’s driving instructor (someone we have never met before, by the way), and I knew he’d passed the test! He then shook the shy kid’s hand nearly off, saw me (finally!) and kissed me soundly on both cheeks and we entered the licencing centre, with Ming yelling:

WHO CAN I KISS OR HUG?
CHAMPAGNE AND CAVIAR!
JOY, BLISS, FREEDOM, I LOVE THE WORLD!

Ming, the Merciless!

Animal Family Friendship

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Too good to be true!

by jmgoyder

1. Ming finally passed his driving test!
2. Someone wants to buy our old car for more than the price we wanted!
3. I got my new bike!
4. A blog friend is sending me a gift!
5. Ming and I saw Anthony this morning (after two days of not seeing him) and he didn’t get all down in the dumps when we had to go!

Details to be blogged soon – I am too busy grinning!

Oh yes, and Gutsy9 (baby peacock, for those who don’t know) is thriving!

blogging Family Friendship LOVE STORY Wings

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Change

by jmgoyder

Some people love Change and some people hate it. Change sometimes causes terrible conflicts – in relationships, workplaces, countries, and in all sorts of different contexts – when one ‘side’ embraces Change, and the other ‘side’ doesn’t.

I used to love Change until too many changes happened at once, and then I craved stability, but that got a bit boring!

So it is now back to Change again – yeeha – because Change is wonderfully malleable. You can change Change; after all, that is its nature.

I have learned that if you don’t welcome Change, it will bite you anyway – not nastily, just in a nibbly way.

Change and I are buddies again and it has been a fantastic day!

blogging Family Friendship LOVE STORY Wings

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Disengagement dilemmas

by jmgoyder

It is nearly 1.30 in the afternoon and I haven’t yet rung Anthony. This is very unusual.

Usually, I ring him multiple times per day beginning with the morning phonecalls. When I say multiple times, I mean multiple attempts. The big, easy-to-use mobile we got Ants goes to message bank after exactly 13 rings, so my system is to let it ring 12 times, hang up, and do the same thing a couple more times. I usually get him on the third try.

But, even when he answers the phone, he often can’t hear me because he is forgetting how to hold the phone to his ear, so I have to yell my side of the conversation. And sometimes, he starts pressing numbers on his phone and unintentionally cuts me off, so I have to begin the whole ritual again. I often have to ring the nurses to help Anthony answer his own phone.

I do this phonecall thing in the morning, in the afternoon, and in the evening regardless of whether I am visiting him or not (an average of every second to third day now).

When it works, our morning conversations are light-hearted (Ants is lucid), our afternoon conversations are mournfully hopeful (he is sad and wants to come home), and our evening conversatioms are bizarre (he is confused).

It is nearly 1.30 in the afternoon and I haven’t yet rung Anthony. I will wait, with my hand poised near the phone, with his number carved into my brain, with my heart splintering, until 4pm.

Why?

Because otherwise I will go stark, raving mad.

This is a very heavy love.

Family LOVE STORY

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I care about you

by jmgoyder

When I first began blogging, I had no idea that I would begin to care about people who I may never meet face to face.

As a newbie to the world of birds, I was drawn to blogs about birds, then drawn to blogs about photography.

As a carer for a husband with Parkinson’s Disease, I was drawn to blogs about PD, nursing homes, other people’s experiences of other illnesses.

As the mother of a teenage son, I was drawn to blogs about parenting, children and Erma Bombecky humour.

As a writer, I was drawn to blogs written by an array of different people – all ages, all styles, all genres, all fantastic.

As a woman battling grief, I was drawn to blogs about grief and blogs about inspiration – a good mix.

Tonight, I am drawn into the blog of a woman who has become my friend. Her daughter died today after a gruelling battle with disease.

I care about you.

Animal blogging Family Friendship LOVE STORY Wings

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WordPressing problems

by jmgoyder

Apart from once again being subscribed to too many blogs, all of which I love, I am also having a terrible time with WP’s latest innovations. For eg., if I read your blog via the email link, the ‘Like’button often won’t work, and if I read your blog via the Reader, I sometimes can’t get the ‘Comment’thing to work.

So I have decided to take a blogreading break until WP fixes the glitches because it’s too hard. I am not unsubscribing from anyone’s blog but will confine my blogreading to the blogs of friends who are going through very hard times, and catch up with others later.

I will keep blogwriting though because it keeps me out of mischief!

blogging Friendship

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Making friends with Despair

by jmgoyder

I’m not scared of Despair anymore because today she told me that she only wanted a tiny hug before she went to visit somebody else. She said she had tried to visit us before but the doors were always locked.

So I gave Despair an enormous hug, apologized for us locking the doors and, as she hugged me back, she wept into the crevice of my left elbow, then she gave me a short bit of advice.

I kept hugging her until I realized Despair had gone and I was hugging my silly self!

Translation: Despair’s visit catapulted me into seeking help. Tomorrow! Yeah, she was okay enough, but I don’t want her to come back.

Animal blogging Family Friendship LOVE STORY My published writing

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The gift of listening

by jmgoyder

Years ago I wrote my PhD about the importance of listening to people with dementia who were still able to speak. In the process of turning the thesis into a book for publication, I began to realize the importance of listening in general. At the time, Ming was a little kid and Anthony wasn’t so ill, so I would listen to Ming’s babble and Anthony’s hearty stories with equal attention.

Listening is not always easy because sometimes what you are hearing may not make sense, might be boring or inane or moany, could be longwinded and require patience.

To listen, you have to be able to shut up for awhile, give your own voice a break, and focus on the person you are listening to.

Yesterday, after my altercation with Ming, he broke down and begged me to listen to him and I remembered, with a thud of remorse, that he had been asking me this for some time.

So we sat down together, cried our eyes out in separate chairs and then he began the story of his 3 days away at the Southbound concert festival.

As I listened, I saw how his face glowed in the telling of each episode. After two hours, we were laughing again and I asked for an intermission. “That’s okay, Mum, we can do Episode 3 tomorrow.”

I am beginning to think that the best gift you can give anyone is to listen to them.

Family Friendship LOVE STORY My published writing

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