jmgoyder

wings and things

Nov 20

Cleavage

by jmgoyder

I was about to write a post about Anthony’s successful transition via ambulance back to the nursing lodge today but I am too tired from having read a million magazines in the hospital over the last two days. I exhausted one ward’s supply so had to go and ‘steal’ some from another ward. I know I was supposed to do my paperwork but it was putting me to sleep, so I opted for the magazines. I am now an expert on Posh and Becks, I know all of Prince Harry’s secrets and I am getting really worried about Oprah and Angelina Jolie.

I have also seen a hell of a lot of cleavage and, having rarely dressed in anything but collared shirts and jeans, I found it a little confronting – haha! There seemed to be cleavage on every single page of every single magazine I picked up and, when Ants wasn’t drowsing, I would show him a picture and he would say, “Yes but she’s not as good as you,” which is strange since I have never worn anything ever that revealed cleavage.

Funnily enough, when I picked Ming up from music school this afternoon, he said, “Mum, there’s this new teacher who is really hot, but today she was showing a lot of cleavage.” I cracked up laughing at the coincidence then asked him if this were a good or a bad thing. “Well, as a person, I feel like asking women to please put them away, but as a man I am rather drawn,” he said seriously.

I am still laughing and can’t wait to tell Ants when I ring him tonight. He is fine now although his left eye is dreadfully swollen and he is still a bit more disorientated than usual but I am so relieved it’s over and the skin cancer is gone.

 

Family

60 Comments »
Nov 19

Home

by jmgoyder

I got home from my second visit to Anthony at the hospital today to find that Ming had put the birds into their pens, fed all and sundry and let the dogs out for their second run. Jack (the Irish terrier) is all long legs and somersaulting enthusiam and Blaze (the mini-dachschund) is a desperado for hugs, so when I drove into the garage, they both greeted me with wet noses and gleeful barks until I hugged them both. Beautiful.

Then Ming said, “Where is my food?” so I put him in the chookhouse. It was a bit of a tight squeeze to begin with until he agreed to fend for himself tonight as I was pretty tired. Then I rang the hospital and, attempting nonchalance (since I had already bothered so many nurses today about Anthony’s meds. etc.) I was put onto a lovely nurse who handed me to a very strong-voiced Ants and I said goodnight to him without tears in my eyes. I had met this nurse earlier in the day when Ants had somehow clambered out of the bed and sliced his leg open and, as she was dressing the wound, I explained about the PDD and his previous post-op. behaviour. I did this in front of Ants because we have this unspoken honesty policy I guess.

Actually, no, not quite, because I am not sure whether to tell Anthony about his dementia or not. So far, I just say it’s Parkinson’s when he asks why this and that. I guess we will figure it out eventually. Tonight his left eye was swollen and blueblack due to the skin cancer being so close to it but the scar looks good and clean and it is such a relief to be rid of this horrible thing. Tomorrow I will take him back to the nursing lodge which might be tricky because he thinks I am bringing him home.

Animal Family Friendship

38 Comments »
Nov 19

Love story 119 – PS

by jmgoyder

During my bout of ‘Godiness’ yesterday I was reminded of the days when I first met Anthony and Inna and my shock at what I then thought was their secularism. You see, as a 17, nearly 18-year-old I had never really met people who didn’t go to church and I was appalled! I had been brought up in an extremely evangelical household with church twice on Sundays, prayer and Bible studies once a week and, as a kid, I used to wear ‘Jesus Loves You‘ badges and hand out tracts to perfect strangers. I was a staunch and very narrow minded Christian.

I spoke easily and confidently of my faith to Anthony and Inna much to their amusement and, when I look back, I both cringe and laugh at how I tried to ‘convert’ them to my particular brand of Christianity with the Bible-bashing zeal of my youth and limited experience of life’s ups and downs. Anthony and I would have heated arguments about God which usually culminated in him roaring with laughter at what he described as my naivety. So I would pray every night that he would see the light (with a PS. for him to fall in love with me – haha!)

Inna humoured me and when I said things like “I am praying for you to feel better”, she would smile twinkingly and say, “Well, that’s nice, darling,” and pat my hand soothingly as if I were the one who was elderly and ill. My self-righteousness at the time amazes me; after all Inna was very good friends with the Anglican bishop, donated generously to the church, and attended when she was well enough.

Today, in the hospital, waiting with Anthony for three hours before he was taken in to surgery,  I remembered all of these long-ago events and conversations. At one point, he dozed and then woke up with a start and looked at me piercingly. “Are you Jules?”

“Of course I’m Jules, you idiot, you haven’t even had any sedation yet and you’re already loopy!” I got the giggles.

He reached for my hand and his voice grinned as he said, “We are so crazy about each other aren’t we!”

I said “Yeah, yeah, now shut up and let me read my magazine.”

“I love you too,” he said, closing his eyes.

So I guess you could say that my PS prayer was answered!

He’s still in surgery so let’s hope the rest of the day is smooth sailing.

Family Friendship LOVE STORY

20 Comments »
Nov 18

God

by jmgoyder

Who is God?

Is God a she or a he or an  it?

What religion does God subscribe to?

Maybe God has become an atheist?

Why does God help some but not others?

Where does God go when your soul is severed?

Where does God go when the children suffer?

I want God so much.

I see, hear and touch God in the dewdrops, the birdsongs, the kiss of breeze, and my son’s laughter.

But that isn’t enough because the dew dries, the birds go silent, the breeze turns into a dusty wind, and my son’s laughter dies on the cusp of a punch-line I wasn’t quick enough for.

Who is God?

Why does God let us win at chess but lose at checkers?

I don’t understand what is going on.

The God I was brought up to believe in was a loving God, but that doesn’t make sense any more.

Yes, yes, yes, I know – it is all our fault, we poor stupid humans – we definitely stuffed up bigtime.

So why didn’t God rescue us from our follies?

Why didn’t God stop it all and begin again?

Who is God?

Where is God?

What is God?

Please….

I love you, God.

Animal Wings

27 Comments »
Nov 18

Comedies of errors

by jmgoyder

1. With a heart full of love and gratitude to Ming who had mowed lawns all day, then fed and put the gang away, I re-heated my chicken noodle soup made from scratch (yes, I boiled a chicken, boned it, removed the disgusting fat the next day, added noodles, vegetables and spices and voila!)

So tonight is the third night of the chicken soup. On night 1, Ming said it was like heaven; on night 2, he said it tasted even better. Alas, tonight, he said, “Mum, this dinner thing is becoming such an ordeal for me.”

Brat!

2. I rang the hospital this afternoon to confirm the booking for Anthony’s skin cancer operation tomorrow and not only was there no record of this, there was also no record of the original date. So I had to make several more phonecalls to figure out if Anthony and I were real people etc.

I just rang again and apparently we do exist so that is a great relief.

3.  At 4pm I answered the phone hoping it was the peacock rescuer man but it was Ants who had asked a nurse to ring me. He was completely disorientated and kept begging me to love him again. It took a long time to reassure him about where he was, and remind him about tomorrow’s operation.

I said “I love you, Ants” so many times, until he finally believed me.

Animal Family Friendship LOVE STORY

34 Comments »
Nov 18

Love story 118 – Sunbaking

by jmgoyder

Anthony’s skin cancer operation has suddenly been fast-tracked to tomorrow (Monday) – yikes, I only got the phonecall Friday. Okay, for those who don’t know this, Anthony has a very nasty skin cancer right next to his left eye and it is painful, so it has to be cut out. This has to be done in hospital so he needs to be there by 9am and I still haven’t decided whether to get the wheelchair taxi and meet him there or take him myself. His mobility at this time of the morning isn’t good.

Over the years, Anthony has had multiple skin cancers either burned off (with that nitrogen spray stuff) or surgically removed. Many of them have been squamous cell carcinomas, not melanomas, which is good. He was born into an era where hats were worn haphazardly and sunscreen probably hadn’t been invented and, when I met him, he was in the habit of sunbaking after lunch to get a tan. Inna (his mother) would often ask me where he was and I would tell her he was lying out near the fig trees and she would tut-tut and say that was fine as long as I wasn’t sunbaking with him – ha! At the time, that would have been a dream come true for me but I am glad I didn’t as he has now had over 50 skin cancers burned off and several requiring surgical removal.

So tomorrow will be an adventure of sorts because of how his PD, and now PDD, is likely to affect the ordeal. The surgeon is not going to do the procedure with a general anaesthetic (too risky) so Ants will be given a local anaesthetic and sedation. The operation will take about an hour or so. I have to admit that I am absolutely dreading this because of what happened last time.

Last time, the skin cancer was on top of his skull so the pain he suffered afterwards was excruciating and his medications for PD were temporarily lost and he missed a dose or two: result, he went totally loopy and had to be on 24/7 watch. It was a nightmare just after the operation so I raced home to get his spare meds., raced back and sneaked him some and he was okayish for awhile but (this was a few years ago when he was more mobile) he kept trying to wander out of the hospital – argh!

Tomorrow I will have to arm myself with secret drugs – ha – and a double dose of patience with both Ants and the system. It is only going to be a day procedure this time and I’m not sure if this is a good idea or a bad idea – maybe he should stay one night in the hospital? I wish I knew. I have decided to take my box of paperwork in as I will be there for hours.

This is probably my overactive imagination but sometimes I can feel Inna’s smile of approval, almost as if she is kind of watching over her son, and me, and Ming. This is a good feeling.

Family Friendship LOVE STORY

40 Comments »
Nov 17

Peafowl ‘prantics’!

by jmgoyder

Here is a link to a very short youtube of a guy in China using some sort of peafowl horn to call peas down from mountains. I definitely need to find this guy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iy_A3Tt8tcI

I looked online for one of these horn things but the one I thought would be good turned out to be an antique ornament and not a real one and, since then, I have given up because one of my blog friends suggested I imitate the call myself, so I have been doing that but now I’ve lost my voice!

Okay, so for anyone who needs a recap of the situation, it is mating season and a few of our adolescent peas are experiencing wanderlust and adventuring off  to forbidden territories (the neighbours’ roof). This has caused a fair bit of high drama:

Email from neighbours:

FOR SOME TIME NOW YOUR 3 PEACOCKS AND 20 ODD PEAHENS HAVE BEEN SPENDING MOST DAYS AND NIGHTS OVER HERE AND HAVE BEEN MAKING AN AWFUL MESS EVERYWHERE. THEY HAVE BEEN FLYING ON THE ROOF AND MESSING IN OUR DRINKING WATER. THIS IS NOT ACCEPTABLE!!!

PLEASE CONTAIN THE BIRDS ON YOUR SIDE OF THE FARM. SURELY, IF YOU KEEP EXOTIC BIRDS YOU SHOULD LOOK AFTER THEM PROPERLY. UNLESS YOU WANT THEM IMPOUNDED BY THE RANGER, I SUGGEST YOU KEEP THEM PENNED.

My response:

Don’t stress. Except for King and Queenie (the adult couple), this is their first mating season, so they’re experiencing a bit of wanderlust. It won’t last long. We only have a total of 15 peafowl (12 blues and 3 whites), so I have no idea where the others are coming from. I feed ours at around 5pm and they roost in the wattle trees at the back every night.

A further comforting response from me:

I think all of the peafowl are back here now. If they return to your place again, simply point a hose at them and shoo them away in our direction. You can hose them off the roof or out of the tree this way. If you do this to a peahen, the peacock will follow … As I said in my previous email, this wanderlust is a seasonal thing and will not last. However the girls may be looking for nesting spots so you will need to persevere with the above methods. I’ve rung and left a message with two peafowl-savvy friends who will come and get them if the‘problem’ persists. Some of them may need to be re-homed.

So sorry but, again, this is a passing phase and I have spoken to the ranger and he’ll alert me if you alert him. Much better, though, if you simply ring me.

Email from neighbours:

CONSIDERATION IS THE OPERATIVE WORD!!! Your Peafowl are over here all the time and it has gone far enough! They are making such a mess (as Ming saw), the worst thing is that they have polluted our drinking water by defecating on the roof and everywhere else. Advice from the Ranger and the Shire (Clause 480 of the local Govt. Act) is that we are to give you 7 days notice to remove your birds or we will dispose of them ourselves, one way or the other. It is a week since we notified you of this problem and has made no difference.

My response:

I’ve come to the conclusion that you actually like fighting with people – so sad. I don’t understand why you are so angry and miserable; it must be exhausting. Ah yes, the frolicking peafowl: I will take the seven days notice as of today, and make some phone-calls. There is a waiting list for peafowl so it shouldn’t be a problem to re-home some of them. Have you tried hosing them away, as I suggested, or even shooting the gun into the air? The latter is bound to work …. As I said before, this is a passing phase, due to mating season, and may require a bit of latitude on your part. Do you not have a water filter for your tank?

……

Now obviously I have omitted names from the above cut/paste, but you get the gist. Since then (due to reports to the ranger and his emails to interested parties), I have had several people ringing me who want the peas and I have finally decided the guy up the road with a more isolated property, and with a great sense of humour, is the one who I will give a few males to. Now we just have to catch them!

I sat outside tonight, as usual, and did the bread ritual and I counted 12 peafowl zooming up into the trees, so 3 are missing and I guess they are on the neighbours’ roof again – argh! I got Ming to ring and leave a message that all is in hand now. But somehow I feel this drama isn’t over!

Prince: What the hell is going on now?

I think Julie is in trouble again

Animal Family Friendship Wings

52 Comments »
Nov 17

The email worked!

by jmgoyder

The email I sent myself included the following suggestions. Here are my ‘answers’!

Get your act together.

I am not an actor.

You are doing fine.

No, I’m not.

Make a great meal.

I made chicken noodle soup from scratch last night – will that do?

Go for a walk.

I walked around the house and around the yard twice.

Forget about your NanoWriMo failed attempt – get back to your half-written novella.

I think I may have trashed that novella.

Make a list of things you need to do and put it on the frig.

The list needs several frigs.

Recharge your camera and start taking photos again!

I am still searching for the recharging thingy.

Get the paper work sorted into categories and do NOT panic.

I have found all of the paperwork and placed it neatly into a box.

Try to conjure something to look forward to.

Fame and fortune.

Stop being so hard on yourself.

I’m not!

Stop sulking.

Okay.

Practise smiling in front of the mirror.

This was a very good idea but I think I need one of my teeth capped.

Keep going.

I am, you idiot!

…………………………………

Is talking to yourself the first sign of madness?

Animal blogging Friendship Wings

44 Comments »
Nov 16

The email

by jmgoyder

I received an email this morning that contained some harsh words and some kind words:

Get your act together.

You are doing fine.

Make a great meal.

Go for a walk.

Forget about your NanoWriMo failed attempt – get back to your half-written novella.

Make a list of things you need to do and put it on the frig.

Recharge your camera and start taking photos again!

Get the paper work sorted into categories and do NOT panic.

Try to conjure something to look forward to.

Stop being so hard on yourself.

Stop sulking.

Practise smiling in front of the mirror.

Keep going.

There was much more to this email but those were the main points. The sender’s voice was strong but loving because the sender was me.

Have you ever sent yourself an email?

blogging Family Friendship

56 Comments »
Nov 15

Love story 117 – Without

by jmgoyder

During this strange and difficult year (Anthony going into the nursing lodge, Ming’s spinal operation, and my loss of employment), Ming and I have somehow emerged from the quicksand of my grief and his rage and we are beginning to cope better. This evening we began a list of things we have to do, and buy, to keep this place ticking along properly. It is still a shock to me that Anthony is no longer at home and in charge of these things but, as Ming rightly pointed out tonight, this hasn’t been the case for some time.

Ming’s catchcry is always ‘teamwork’ and my response is always reluctant because he is so bossy. We have, however, dealt with our tussle with a truce handshake so tomorrow he will do the lawns and I will do the bills and other paperwork, and we will not argue. We will begin to transform our disorder into order, bit by bit by bit, without Anthony.

It is this withoutAnthonyness that seems to have suffocated my energy. I don’t feel quite present and I keep losing all of my todays. But Ming is okay and much stronger at the moment and tonight he asked me to lean on him more so I agreed. But I won’t really do this of course because I have to pull myself together so that I don’t cripple him under the weight of a temporary bout of despair. Without tomorrow, today would sob itself to sleep.

There is (I think, but I’m not sure) always, always, always, hope.

Family LOVE STORY

70 Comments »
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