Anthony’s wife is Julie.
Anthony’s son is Ming.
Julie’s husband is Anthony.
Julie’s son is Ming.
Ming’s father is Anthony.
Ming’s mother is Julie.
We are each others’ apostrophes.
And Gutsy’s mine.
Apostrophes
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Hugging
Everything else about today pales into insignificance compared to the hugs. I hugged Anthony when he was standing up and he let go of the walker and hugged me back. Then I hugged him while we were tackling his lunch and he pushed the food away and hugged me back. Then, as I was about to leave, I knelt down on the floor in front of his chair to kiss him goodbye and he enfolded me in his arms and gave me a bearhug. He brought my face into the hollow of his shoulder, kissed my hair, held me ferociously and whispered, “Jules, I love you so much.”
Usually the wasted muscles in his arms make hugging difficult, but not today! I am home now and can still feel that goodbye hug and I am trying very hard not to cry.
The difference between what matters and what doesn’t matter
WHAT DOES MATTER
– Ming began harp lessons.
– Anthony said on the phone this afternoon that he’d been kidnapped, but I calmed him down.
– Some lovely friends came to pick the dying figs.
– Gutsy9 (baby peacock) is thriving despite his wonky leg.
– We found a clock man who has now fixed three of Anthony’s clocks, so the house is chiming again.
– I finished delivering details to our accountant for our tax return from last year.
– I am going to purchase an ipad tomorrow so I can access the internet in Anthony’s room and show him stuff.
– Ming and I are getting on top of the housework/yardwork etc.
– I only cried a little bit today, instead of a lot.
– The blog community is amazing.
– Ming has stopped being so bossy!
– Lots of other good things.
WHAT DOESN’T MATTER
– It doesn’t matter!
Farmboy 2
Ming was still in nappies when the dairy industry here was toppled by deregulation.
We were just one of hundreds of families affected by this and, without going into the politics, let me just say that it was devastating.
Previous to this, Anthony was a workaholic dairyfarmer (to me, those terms are synonymous.)
It was around this time that Ants was diagnosed with kidney cancer and had to have two operations. Our dairy days were over.
Ming never saw Ants in his prime, never saw Ants working, so he will never know the Anthony I knew.
And yet – and this is wonderful! – Ming is now milking for our beautiful neighbours and has been offered a full-time job as of July.
Like father, like son!
Farmboy 1
It was about two years ago when our lives (Anthony’s, mine, and Ming’s) altered dramatically. Here is an abbreviated list of events, in no particular order:
1. Anthony’s Parkinson’s became so bad that he required hourly nursing care during the nights.
2. I eventually got exhausted and was hospitalized for a few days.
3. Ming’s scoliosis required surgery.
4. I had to take extended leave from my university job as a lecturer.
5. Ming completed his last year of school.
6. We found that the farming family, whose property adjoins ours, was willing to lease our 100 acres for the correct rent.
7. We withstood the continuing verbal abuse from our previous lessee who we had already kicked off for negligence etc.
8. With Anthony’s approval, I contacted our lawyer to prevent the previous lessee from coming onto the property.
8. We accepted that Ming would have to have surgery.
9. We accepted that Ants would have to go into a nursing lodge.
10. Ming began his Certificate in music and, simultaneously, began milking cows for the same people we are now leasing to.
Our farmboy’s journey began!
Ever since Anthony went into the nursing lodge, and Ming had his spinal surgery, life-as-we-knew-it has altered dramatically.
Role reversal
Tonight, when Ming and I were visiting Anthony and I was chopping his meal up, Ming said, sternly, “Mum, don’t you eat any of Dad’s food, or you won’t eat your dinner.”
You see, Ming had ordered takeaway pizza for tonight, and he had also ordered me to eat with him.
As Ming drove us home, I said, sulkily, “You’d make a great mum, Ming.”
“Don’t you touch that pizza until we get home, brat!” he said, flicking me a patronizing grin.
Arghhhhh!
An amazing anniversary!
In just a couple of hours it will be Valentine’s day and the first anniversary of Ming’s spinal surgery. Yeeha!
I have put a few links to that saga below fyi.
The beginning and end of our BMW
![IMG_0073[1]](https://jmgoyder.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/img_00731.jpg)
It was 1993 and Anthony and I were engaged to be married in a couple of months. The 1991 325i BMW was for sale and Anthony wanted it so much. My PhD scholarship money had come through so I offered to chip in (my rich farmer had a cash flow problem). He said no, I said yes, he said NO, I said YES, then he said okay.
That was such an exciting day. We bought it and Anthony cherished it to the point of obsessiveness so that BMW spent a lot of its life with us being washed, polished, vacuumed and not driven!
A few years ago, Anthony’s Parkinson’s Disease had reached a point where it was too dangerous for him to drive, and a few weeks ago, we decided to sell the BMW to someone who was willing to double the price, and pay cash, because he wanted this particular model.
Bittersweet but necessary. It was like saying goodbye to a good friend.
377 days
I had to search through my blog to find the date of Anthony’s transition from respite to permanent resident at the nursing lodge. It was January 31st, 2012, 377 days ago.
How could this have happened just a year ago when it seems like a hundred years ago?
How could this have happened over a year ago when it seems like a few minutes ago?
377 days of separation.
Dreams inside dreams
For the last few weeks I have been having rather dramatic, block-buster-type dreams. Inside the dreams, I am always the hero who knows she is in a dream, but also knows that, in order to escape the dream, she has to either get away from, or else confront, the baddies.
The most recurrent dream is of something preventing Anthony and me from getting married. This barrier is usually a series of verbal and visual ‘stills’ of what really happened (Anthony’s younger brother’s protestations, my bewilderment, and Anthony’s heartbreak). These dreams are becoming so boringly predictable that I am usually able to clamber free.
But last night’s dream was really weird. Inside the dream, I was away at a conference and Ming rang me to say that Anthony’s old girlfriend had dropped in and wanted to stay the night. Then, the next morning, when I got home from the conference, Anthony admitted that he had slept with her.
Okay, so this was all a dream within a dream, but even when I escaped the inside dream, I found myself trying to climb the escalators the wrong way, in an empty airport somewhere in the desert.
I was glad to wake up!
jmgoyder 