jmgoyder

wings and things

Love story 124 – Ming’s Christmas present

Oh, I have been so so excited about Anthony’s, and my, idea for a Christmas present for Ming this year. Ants and I have been discussing it for some time but have finally made the decision to do this (I can’t say what the Christmas present is in case Ming reads the blog; he hasn’t for some time, but you never know).

This will undoubtedly be the last time Ants and I collaborate on this kind of thing, for two reasons: 1. Ants’ dementia is getting worse; and 2. Ming is nearly 19.

I guess it is these two factors that punched me in the face this morning when I drove Ming into music school. I mentioned Christmas Day and said Ants would be coming home for the day and Ming’s reaction to this was so horrible that we ended up having our first row for weeks.

We made up for lost time.

While Ming and I were yelling at each other, I thought of Ming’s Christmas present – the only thing that has elicited a bit of enthusiasm from Ants for ages.

Since this morning’s row, Ming and I have had another, followed by a tentative truce in which he said, “We only have each other, Mum”, and I said, “You wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for Dad.”

And now he is in his room and I am in mine and Anthony’s phone isn’t working.

Ming asked me today what I wanted for Christmas and I said, “Wings”.

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December

In just a few hours, December will be arriving and I have to admit I am a little nervous. Last time December visited, it outstayed its welcome and ruined Christmas and made us all wish it would go away. This time, I’ve decided to welcome December by asking it to be more supportive and I was quite blunt in this request this morning. Thankfully, December wasn’t at all offended and had no idea how badly it behaved last year and has even apologized! Nevertheless I am on my guard because December has a reputation for being unreliable, and rather arrogant about its ownership of Christmas. And, during a further discussion with December tonight, I’m almost certain I detected a little smirk. I hope not because I really want us to be friends or, at the very least, to establish a working relationship. I have been trying to contact December for a couple of hours now but there is no answer so I guess I will have to wait until it arrives to reiterate that if it becomes overbearing again I will have to take action and possibly kick it back to November using Ming’s old football shoes and Anthony’s walking stick.

But perhaps it is my own attitude to December that is the problem? Maybe I should just embrace December like a long lost friend? Yes!

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Newcomer

Lately we have had one of the many wild ibises (Australian white ibis), who are usually all over the paddocks, visit us. I often see him in the chook pen in the morning but he flies off as soon as he hears me coming to open the gates to let all of the chooks and the gang out for the day. Yesterday I managed to get a few photos of him but it wasn’t easy because he is really shy.

I took Ming to an 18th birthday party last night.

It was NOT a fancy-dress party.

Oh, give me a shy ibis any day!

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Living with a convicted criminal

This morning Ming and I were in court to face his charges. Are you shocked?

Well here is what happened: on the 29th of September, 2012, “the accused” was caught driving a ute without carrying his learner’s permit.

You see, I was sick at the time with that rotten kidney infection so I sent Ming and his friend up to the local shop (2kms away) to get some food. The friend has a driver’s licence but Ming drove because, despite the fact that he doesn’t yet have his driver’s licence, he can drive very well (he just keeps failing the tests on teensy little things – here you have to get 100%).

Unfortunately the police were spot checking people in our little country town (which is highly unusual) so he was unlucky.

So today, we fronted up to court and sat with a fascinating array of other criminals to await the verdict. Ming had dressed up as if he were going to a wedding so he looked a bit odd amongst the surly crowd. His case was preceded by a guy accused of driving recklessly twice in one night under the influence and without a licence. He didn’t plead guilty so his case was adjourned. He answered the judge’s questions in a defeated but strangely belligerent monotone. I whispered to Ming, “say yes sir or no sir and don’t smile” just as his name was called. He had to walk up and take the stand and his charges were read out. The judge concluded by saying, “Your reasons, according to this statement are that you were just going down the road to get something to eat. Is this correct?” Ming said yes and, when he was asked if he were pleading guilty or not guilty, he said, “Guilty.” He was then asked to sit down while the judge conferred with the two other judges.

Then Ming was asked to stand up again and elaborate on the circumstances of that day but he just said, “I did the wrong thing and I will never do it again.” I was delighted with him despite the snickering amusement of those sitting around me in the ‘audience’. The judge then said that instead of the usual $300 fine, he would let Ming off with a $100 fine. Phew.

We then had to sit at the front while the paperwork was processed so we saw the next person, a young girl, called up. She was charged with driving under the influence of drugs and also pleaded guilty. But we didn’t get to hear the rest as we were given the paperwork and dismissed.

I know this sounds strange but I was very proud of my little criminal today.

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Cleavage

I was about to write a post about Anthony’s successful transition via ambulance back to the nursing lodge today but I am too tired from having read a million magazines in the hospital over the last two days. I exhausted one ward’s supply so had to go and ‘steal’ some from another ward. I know I was supposed to do my paperwork but it was putting me to sleep, so I opted for the magazines. I am now an expert on Posh and Becks, I know all of Prince Harry’s secrets and I am getting really worried about Oprah and Angelina Jolie.

I have also seen a hell of a lot of cleavage and, having rarely dressed in anything but collared shirts and jeans, I found it a little confronting – haha! There seemed to be cleavage on every single page of every single magazine I picked up and, when Ants wasn’t drowsing, I would show him a picture and he would say, “Yes but she’s not as good as you,” which is strange since I have never worn anything ever that revealed cleavage.

Funnily enough, when I picked Ming up from music school this afternoon, he said, “Mum, there’s this new teacher who is really hot, but today she was showing a lot of cleavage.” I cracked up laughing at the coincidence then asked him if this were a good or a bad thing. “Well, as a person, I feel like asking women to please put them away, but as a man I am rather drawn,” he said seriously.

I am still laughing and can’t wait to tell Ants when I ring him tonight. He is fine now although his left eye is dreadfully swollen and he is still a bit more disorientated than usual but I am so relieved it’s over and the skin cancer is gone.

 

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Home

I got home from my second visit to Anthony at the hospital today to find that Ming had put the birds into their pens, fed all and sundry and let the dogs out for their second run. Jack (the Irish terrier) is all long legs and somersaulting enthusiam and Blaze (the mini-dachschund) is a desperado for hugs, so when I drove into the garage, they both greeted me with wet noses and gleeful barks until I hugged them both. Beautiful.

Then Ming said, “Where is my food?” so I put him in the chookhouse. It was a bit of a tight squeeze to begin with until he agreed to fend for himself tonight as I was pretty tired. Then I rang the hospital and, attempting nonchalance (since I had already bothered so many nurses today about Anthony’s meds. etc.) I was put onto a lovely nurse who handed me to a very strong-voiced Ants and I said goodnight to him without tears in my eyes. I had met this nurse earlier in the day when Ants had somehow clambered out of the bed and sliced his leg open and, as she was dressing the wound, I explained about the PDD and his previous post-op. behaviour. I did this in front of Ants because we have this unspoken honesty policy I guess.

Actually, no, not quite, because I am not sure whether to tell Anthony about his dementia or not. So far, I just say it’s Parkinson’s when he asks why this and that. I guess we will figure it out eventually. Tonight his left eye was swollen and blueblack due to the skin cancer being so close to it but the scar looks good and clean and it is such a relief to be rid of this horrible thing. Tomorrow I will take him back to the nursing lodge which might be tricky because he thinks I am bringing him home.

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Comedies of errors

1. With a heart full of love and gratitude to Ming who had mowed lawns all day, then fed and put the gang away, I re-heated my chicken noodle soup made from scratch (yes, I boiled a chicken, boned it, removed the disgusting fat the next day, added noodles, vegetables and spices and voila!)

So tonight is the third night of the chicken soup. On night 1, Ming said it was like heaven; on night 2, he said it tasted even better. Alas, tonight, he said, “Mum, this dinner thing is becoming such an ordeal for me.”

Brat!

2. I rang the hospital this afternoon to confirm the booking for Anthony’s skin cancer operation tomorrow and not only was there no record of this, there was also no record of the original date. So I had to make several more phonecalls to figure out if Anthony and I were real people etc.

I just rang again and apparently we do exist so that is a great relief.

3.  At 4pm I answered the phone hoping it was the peacock rescuer man but it was Ants who had asked a nurse to ring me. He was completely disorientated and kept begging me to love him again. It took a long time to reassure him about where he was, and remind him about tomorrow’s operation.

I said “I love you, Ants” so many times, until he finally believed me.

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The email worked!

The email I sent myself included the following suggestions. Here are my ‘answers’!

Get your act together.

I am not an actor.

You are doing fine.

No, I’m not.

Make a great meal.

I made chicken noodle soup from scratch last night – will that do?

Go for a walk.

I walked around the house and around the yard twice.

Forget about your NanoWriMo failed attempt – get back to your half-written novella.

I think I may have trashed that novella.

Make a list of things you need to do and put it on the frig.

The list needs several frigs.

Recharge your camera and start taking photos again!

I am still searching for the recharging thingy.

Get the paper work sorted into categories and do NOT panic.

I have found all of the paperwork and placed it neatly into a box.

Try to conjure something to look forward to.

Fame and fortune.

Stop being so hard on yourself.

I’m not!

Stop sulking.

Okay.

Practise smiling in front of the mirror.

This was a very good idea but I think I need one of my teeth capped.

Keep going.

I am, you idiot!

…………………………………

Is talking to yourself the first sign of madness?

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The email

I received an email this morning that contained some harsh words and some kind words:

Get your act together.

You are doing fine.

Make a great meal.

Go for a walk.

Forget about your NanoWriMo failed attempt – get back to your half-written novella.

Make a list of things you need to do and put it on the frig.

Recharge your camera and start taking photos again!

Get the paper work sorted into categories and do NOT panic.

Try to conjure something to look forward to.

Stop being so hard on yourself.

Stop sulking.

Practise smiling in front of the mirror.

Keep going.

There was much more to this email but those were the main points. The sender’s voice was strong but loving because the sender was me.

Have you ever sent yourself an email?

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Love story 117 – Without

During this strange and difficult year (Anthony going into the nursing lodge, Ming’s spinal operation, and my loss of employment), Ming and I have somehow emerged from the quicksand of my grief and his rage and we are beginning to cope better. This evening we began a list of things we have to do, and buy, to keep this place ticking along properly. It is still a shock to me that Anthony is no longer at home and in charge of these things but, as Ming rightly pointed out tonight, this hasn’t been the case for some time.

Ming’s catchcry is always ‘teamwork’ and my response is always reluctant because he is so bossy. We have, however, dealt with our tussle with a truce handshake so tomorrow he will do the lawns and I will do the bills and other paperwork, and we will not argue. We will begin to transform our disorder into order, bit by bit by bit, without Anthony.

It is this withoutAnthonyness that seems to have suffocated my energy. I don’t feel quite present and I keep losing all of my todays. But Ming is okay and much stronger at the moment and tonight he asked me to lean on him more so I agreed. But I won’t really do this of course because I have to pull myself together so that I don’t cripple him under the weight of a temporary bout of despair. Without tomorrow, today would sob itself to sleep.

There is (I think, but I’m not sure) always, always, always, hope.

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